Dr. Mario

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“Heey dude you got those "Vitamins" I asked for?”

~ Guy on the corner on Dr. Mario

“Dr. Mario: The working man's drug dealer.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Dr. Mario

“He's not even a real FUCKING DILDO plastic surgeon!!! Why is he working without a license?”

~ Voltar on Dr. Mario

“Awesome plastic surgeon. I used to look like Sarah Jessica Parker before I met him.”

~ Luigi on Dr. Mario

“He does this for the cokes, man. He ain't the real McCoy.”

~ Knuckles the Echidna on Dr. Mario

The Dr. Mario series (Dr. マリオ Dokutā Mario) is a series of puzzle video games made by Nintendo when they were tripping on acid, beginning with Dr. Mario.

Dr. Mario games feature a grid that starts out partially filled with ecstasy pills of three colors (red, yellow and blue) that Dr. Mario must consume. The game's speed and level of difficulty can be adjusted before the game, but each will increase as the game progresses/has a bad trip. A 2-player competitive game is also available, in which the first player to eat all of the pills before their opponent does.

Dr. Mario advertising to children

Also if you mix up the right concoction of "vitamins" the game begins to look at lot like Tetяis. Warning: If you do this you will forget all English and just begin to speak Russian. Henceforth you will be useless.

During "butt-buddy play" against another player or the CPU, when Dr. Mario eliminates two or more rows of four pills with one megapill, a corresponding number (two, three, or a maximum of four) of random pills then drop onto the opponent's screen (or into the void of Donald Trump's "hair"). This is most frustrating because the other opponent must wait before he can be "tripping balls" again.

Mario (September 28, 1970 - January 28, 2009) began his career as a black market surgeon in 1990 when he began stealing organs from unsuspecting tourists (like a crappy version of Turistas....wait....) At first this was to pay for the gallons of LSD he went through a month (see: Super mario bros. 2), yet he found that being his own drug dealer/kitten huffer/surgeon was quite beneficial. Mario eventually began supplying drugs to many famous celebrities, like Gary Busey and Pol Pot. Dr. Mario then got a career as a prostitute, however this was short-lived as he conducted acute Bat Fuck Insanity.

But that's not all! Dr. Mario was also a member of the bloods as seen on SSB Melee. Dr. Mario is a straight hood nigga that will cap a bitch in a hot motha fucking second. This bitch be out and he don't be fucking around either, this bitch be chocking his hos while he's teabagging his bitch because the motha fucka asked him for a sandwich. Dr. Mario has been doing drive bys since the early 80s, but not with guns.

You see, Dr. Mario is a doctor like Dr. J is a doctor. But Dr. J is the doctor of basketball, Dr. Mario is a doctor of love. You know that joke about the guy making a horse laugh and cry, That was Dr. Mario, Like I said before he's a straight hood nigga.

In the summer of 2007, Dr. Mario was arrested for dealing crack to children with AIDS, saying it would end their troubles. He broke out of prison withing the next hour, with help from his brother Luigi.He now practiced gynacology and had successfully removed the white house from hillary clintons vagina.

In July 2008, Dr. Mario was arrested yet again for trying to drown Asian schoolgirls in a lake when they refused to buy cocaine from him because Dr. Mario told them cocaine would regulate their menustral cycle. He may now spend the rest of his fuckin' life in prison. However, he needs his lucky candy to get him out. Prior to dealing crack to children with AIDS and selling cocaine to the aforementioned girls, he had been selling Viagra to teenage boys with their peer girlfriends along with crystal meth and told them that Viagra and crystal meth would cure depression and anorexia. This caused a explosion of pregnant teenage girls all over the Mushroom Kingdom, because the teenage boys were having sex with their peer girlfriends and getting high on meth (according to Lois Griffin "Meth is one helluva drug!").

3 months after the same crime that attempted to drown the Asian schoolgirls, Dr. Mario raped some girl who was 2 1/2 months preggo at the time and almost succeeded, until some German wolves attacked him and sent him to a hospital. He was arrested after his release from his injuries.

He was executed on January 28, 2009 for his crimes. However, 2 days later after the execution, officers were contacted and was told that the mayor is being attacked. Police arrived at the mayor's office and immediately rush to the mayor's office. After breaking down the door of the office, they find him dead on the floor in a pool of blood. Next to him, were 2 megapills. When the police try to contact the station for help, they hear Dr. Mario's voice, instead of a response from the station.

Through Nintendo corp., Satan later created the thing we now know as the Plastation 3, but when if failed at launch, he bought some pixie dust and turned it into the Wii.

Protagonists MarioPrincess PeachToad
Russia mario.jpg
Antagonists Donkey KongGoombaWario
Luigis Gay LuigiMama Luigi (Luigi's sojournMagic balloon)Weegee
Locations Mushroom KingdomAnother Castle®Yoshi's Park
Games Mario PartySuper Mario BrothersSuper Mario World
Whatnot Getting pushed into bananas (Mario Kart)Magic mushroomMariologyRaccoon Tail v. Super Mario CapeThe Mushroom Kingdom (band)