Dr. Robotnik
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“I'm Doctor Rrrrrrrobotnik! I say what I want! I say PINGAS! I say PUSHY! I say BUTT! I say CRUD AND SLUDGE! I say n-”
~ Dr. Robotnik on the ability to say what he wants
“SnooPING AS usual i see!”
~ Dr. Robotnik on Snooping scratch and grounder
Doctor Eggman, whose real name is Doctor Ivo "Needledick" Robotnik, is a evil genius who wants to take over Mobius. He is also a balloon-shaped glorious bastard who takes part in evil achievements, practices, and challenges everyday. His evil achievements include destruction, forcing living beings to be fuel for robots, taking over cities and stalking NiGHTS.
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[edit] Dr. Robotnik and the invention of Polish masturbation
Dr. Robotnik invented Polish masturbation by accident. One day, he made a machine that made someone incredibly dizzy by moving someone up, then down, then up, in a repetitive manner. He tested the creation on one of his many robots, better known as E-176 Phartegant. The robot was, after the test, incredibly dizzy and had a visual malfunction. The robot, however, in revenge, deleted it's master entry that Robotnik put in him to force him to have to do any order he was given. He then caught Robotnik by surprise, and put him on the machine. He turned it around, so Robotnik would be crushed against the wall, forcing his body to gain enormous amounts of friction when the machine was activated. However, at the time, Robotnik's penis just so happened to be erect owing to his viewing an online gallery of NiGHTS hentai made by the 20 or so Sega Saturn fans that still like to slap their dicks around on the internet. Robotnik, after having his penis face enormous amounts of pressure and friction, felt weird pumping feeling on his PINGAS and suddenly felt the urge to release his white waves. He, unfortunately, was not let off of the machine to do this and therefore he released his juices into the machine itself. Therefore, he figured out a way to get sperm out of his PINGAS without pictures of Amy being around. Eventually, the robot felt he had dealt enough revenge, and stopped the machine. Robotnik went to his computer, and he soon spread this technique via the internet, especially in blogs and forums, which for some reason went unmoderated due to "the popularity of the topic." Soon after, he watched Robotnik's Christmas message to all you pingas lovers and started using piness instead.
[edit] How Robotnik got fat
While violently masturbating to hardcore pictures of NiGHTS showing her assets, Robotnik had some rubber tubing ready to shove into his ass. However Scratch and Grounder, his trusty assistants were playing croquet in the same room. Scratch hit the ball too hard which knocked the tubing into Robotnik's mouth and somehow into his PINGAS simultaneously. Robotnik was too hot and hard to notice so continued cracking one off to NiGHTS images. Eventually, when he finally shot his load, the ungodly amount of semen traveled up the rubber tubing, down Robotnik's esophagus and into his stomach. The jizz contained so much fat and proteins (as well as several essential oils), that Robotnik gained 30,000 pounds and to this day has been a Fat Scottish Bastard.
Another commonly held theory is that he, like many others, tried and failed to lose weight on the Atkins Diet. After stuffing himself with all the fried eggs and bacon he could find, he has become the oval-shaped menace we know today.
However, some Conspiracy Theorists say the reason for his huge egg shaped body is due to the fact that his mighty PINGAS (said to be over 9000 feet) is wrapped around his perfect body.
It is rumored that Robotnik is related to the infamous EGGMAN, but Eggman can go jump in a lake because the general public hate him. and he sucks at life
[edit] Why Robotnik is a Doctor
Robotnik, from 1987 to the present, was a chiropractic and gynecologist at the Sparksville Doctor Offices. He earned a Doctorate's degree in Medical Shenanigans, a Doctorate's degree in robotics, a Master's degree in the application of ketchup, and a Doctorate's degree in stalking NiGHTS, which got him hired as the main doctor at Sparksville Doctor Offices after posting his resumé there. He has inspected over 200,000 people in all parts of their body, which, without a doubt, includes sexual organs. Some have accused him of man-rape while trying to inspect these organs, however. Robotnik tells the press that this is a false accusation made by critics. He first laid eyes upon NiGHTS after examining her dripping wet space vagina. Since that fateful day, he has continued to flood her Hotmail inbox with violent and sexual rants about him wanting to ram her in the potato sack and constantly follows her home from her job as an exotic dancer.
It is a known fact that Robotnik and Wesley Snipes have set up an illegal offshore Cuban banking system of which they have avoided paying millions of dollars in taxes.
[edit] Humanly Resemblance
Dr. Robotnik bears startling resemblance to a particular person - a world renowned porn star by the name of Maxi Mounds.
In actual fact, Dr. Robotnik's physical resemblance was taken from an accidental encounter with the above mentioned. An impression which proved lasting (for many of us as well) and horrific (for many of us as well). Robotnik tells us that Robotnik's character is too, based on this horrifying social menace which serves to inform the world of his existence and hopes that he faces condemnation everywhere he goes - apparently the United Safaris of Africa. So to all the Africans out there, beware of your eggs, sometimes known as dripping wet, throbbing veiny chicken babies.
Robotnik also performs the Human act of crotch stuffing, in order to fit in more with the Human culture. Unfortunately, to this date, he does not know how to do it right, leaving him with a fat buttocks and stomach.
[edit] His theme song
Dr. Robotnik was once a part time rapper and made his theme song. With Robotnik's helpful permission of sampling Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady", his parody theme song is entitled "The Real Robotnik". You can hear the song only on YTMND. The keyword is "Robotnik". The link to the song is over here. If you don't like the song, you are officially a complete wank stain.
[edit] Robotnik Today
Dr. Robotnik has now retired. After being defeated so many times, he decided to try a different approach. Instead of destroying the world to win NiGHTS' affection, he plans to rape her. He lost weight and is walking instead of flying his shambles of a ship that always seems to break after 8 hits from Sonic, no matter how much Pimp-My-Ride does that shit up. Maybe because building a pool table in the back, or having a disco ball inside, provides no additional support for battles. Who knows? Unfortunately, NiGHTS hasn't returned any of Robotnik's calls and her vagina remains unpenetrated by Robotnik's needle.
Rumors were spread that he had successfully made a clone army of NiGHTS to "sexualy keep him company". These false rumors were quashed in that Robotnik can not obtain NiGHTS DNA due to his terrible social skills.
[edit] Sexual Scandals
In 1991, after he created Scratch and Grounder, Robotnik had an affair with Princess Peach, who at the time was in love with Mario. This resulted in a pregnancy that made people believe that Princess Peach had gotten fat and was eating at Another Castle. Maria Robotnik was born but was then adopted by Robotnik's mother who raised Maria as one of her own. Two years after Maria's birth, he got yet another girl pregnant. This girl was Delia Ketchum from Kanto, who was living in Pallet Town when the pregnancy happened. Ash Ketchum's little brother, Damien, was born but he was killed by a group of female Gardevoirs living together in Littleroot Town when one of the Gardevoirs foresaw that Damien would kill his mother and his big brother and then take over the world. Robotnik had also filmed a sex tape with a shiny Froslass.
There have also been rumors that a villainess, one Ai, is currently pregnant with his child. However, this has not been proved.
[edit] External links
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Amy Rose - Chaos - Dr. Robotnik - Mephiles the Dark - Metal Sonic - Prof. Gerald Robotnik - Rouge the Bat - Sonic the Hedgehog - Sonic the Preggo - Sonnet the Hedgehog - Tails the Straight - Minor Characters |
