Dr. Tran

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The Illustrious And Revered Dr. Tran
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For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Dr. Tran.

Life, The Universe, And Dr. Tran[edit]

Dr. Tran is the real life doctor hero of over 30,000 hit films, 4.3 quadrillion plays and/or short stories, and creator of the Sega Genesis. At only five years of age, the good doctor has performed open-heart surgery on an elderly woman while skydiving, single-handedly invented such words as potato and nipple, and solved the energy crisis by putting it into a closet and forgetting about it. Some believe he is immortal. Others believe he is a real American doctor/special agent with a P.H.D. in the kicking of Ass and the taking of Names.

Facts[edit]

Dr. Tran was born in Amarillo, China, somewhere near Arlington National Cemetery. Although he denies his medical profession and American heritage, he is, in fact, a real American action doctor. He is skilled in the arts of dance, action, suspense, chinese shit, yelling, howling, hollering, being loud, and profound silences. He drinks Mountain Dew 25 hours a day, 7 days a week. Therfore, he is constantly on the brink of a caffeine-and-sugar-induced coma. Using the energy from this perpetual sugar-high, he can scale small walls in a few minutes and contain anger for a few minutes longer than the average five-year-old.

Dr. Tran And His Stylish Alter-Form

Dr. Tran's hobbies include: spelunking, hunting grues, inventing media scares (ex. the Lead Paint Scare), hating on inferior humans, breakfast, creating motivational posters, and watching the Weather Channel.

Career[edit]

Despite only being five years old, Dr. Tran's 30,000+ movies have grossed over 5 dollars in the box-office. His movies are currently distributed by the Super-Uber-Asian company, who also distribute Kurt Russell's independent films. His films vary greatly in subject matter, but all center on the fact that the boy is a doctor, an action hero, and his conflict with this fact. Here are a few examples:

  • Oh Shit, It's Dr. Tran
  • 3,2,1... Dr. Tran
  • Operation: Dr. Tran
  • Dr. Tran Doles Out The Harshness
  • Dr. Tran Has A Chat With A Mormon Child
  • Dr. Tran And His Views On Homosexuality
  • Dr. Tran Sets Fire To The Ocean
  • Dr. Tran Gets Sunburn
  • Dr. Tran Finally Enjoys Breakfast
  • Dr. Tran And The Fembots
  • Dr. Tran Buys Out iRaq
  • Dr. Tran Rides His Big-Wheel To 7-11
  • Dr. Tran Makes A Birdhouse
  • Dr. Tran Visits Satan
  • Dr. Tran Denounces The Existence Of Satan
  • Dr. Tran Inhales A Pixie-Stick
  • Dr. Tran And His Mother's New Boyfriend Argue
  • Dr. Tran Meets His Match
  • Dr. Tran Kills His Own Mother With A Broken Lawn Chair
Dr. Tran's Amazingly Life-Like Minature Unstable Noggin Toy

Merchandise[edit]

  • Dr. Tran's Hot Sauce
  • Dr. Tran's Normal Sauce
  • Dr. Tran's Amazingly Life-Like Minature Unstable Noggin Toy
  • Dr. Tran's Boat Engines
  • Dr. Tran's Floor Tile
  • Dr. Tran's Drain Cleaner / Toothpaste
  • Dr. Tran's VCR Dynamite
  • Dr. Tran's Peanut Butter Square Hula Quest
  • Dr. Tran's Lead Pillows (Work In Progress)
  • Dr. Tran's Belt Phone
  • Dr. Tran's Mint Gum
  • Dr. Tran's Thunderlight
  • Dr. Tran's Lamp Warmers
  • Dr. Tran's Xbox Acid
  • Dr. Tran's Wire Shoelaces
  • Dr. Tran's Amaze-An-Armadillo
  • Dr. Tran's Startle-A-Skunk
  • Dr. Tran's Confuse-A-Cougar
  • Dr. Tran's Fantasy Factory
  • Dr. Tran's EZ-Heat-With-A-Light Bulb Oven
  • And Many More!!

Enemies[edit]

Although the revered doctor is primarily a pacifist/homophobe, Dr. Tran has amassed a large amount of enemies who would gladly kill him and/or have a nice breakfast with him. His adventures have taken him to the far reaches of space and time, and his enemies represent a large cross-section of the universe's population. He, like many intergalactic super-doctors, is very annoyed at the following of enemies he has accrued. He, in his undying wisdom, urges you to help him combat these evil-doers:

  • Me and Your Mom
  • Godzilla
  • Grues (both varieties)
  • The International Bankers and Terrorists Foundation
  • Toast
  • Satan
  • Earth, Wind, and Fire
  • Wiggers
  • All of the people at Arlington National Cemetery
  • CoolGuy
  • Small Children
  • Pool Parties
  • Abnormally-Shaped Buildings
  • Freakishly Ugly Children
  • Announcers
  • Narrators
  • Horse Butt Holes

“You...so bad...AHHH...NO WINDOWS IN YOUR HOUSE!!!”

~ Dr. Tran on The State Of Your Residence and Its Lack of Windows

See Also[edit]





Mr._T
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