Dr. Tran
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“You Go Home Now!”
~ Dr. Tran on You
“All my chairs are gone?!”
~ Dr. Tran on his Chairs
“Yeah, Dr. Tran. We always felt bikinis and then he ate that scanty plastic! We stopped after that.”
~ Ringo Starr on Dr. Tran
“Yo, Dr. Tran is hellabomb heckkadoodle fresh ba... *gets punched in face*”
~ Little Wigger Kid on Dr. Tran
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[edit] Life, The Universe, And Dr. Tran
Dr. Tran is the real life doctor hero of over 30,000 hit films, 4.3 quadrillion plays and/or short stories, and creator of the Sega Genesis. At only five years of age, the good doctor has performed open-heart surgery on an elderly woman while skydiving, single-handedly invented such words as potato and nipple, and solved the energy crisis by putting it into a closet and forgetting about it. Some believe he is immortal. Others believe he is a real American doctor/special agent with a P.H.D. in the kicking of Ass and the taking of Names.
[edit] Facts
Dr. Tran was born in Salon-de-Provence, China, somewhere near the Future. Although he denies his medical profession and American heritage, he is, in fact, a real American action doctor. He is skilled in the arts of dance, action, suspense, chinese shit, yelling, howling, hollering, being loud, and profound silences. He drinks Mountain Dew 25 hours a day, 7 days a week. Therfore, he is constantly on the brink of a caffeine-and-sugar-induced coma. Using the energy from this perpetual sugar-high, he can scale small walls in a few minutes and contain anger for a few minutes longer than the average five-year-old.
Dr. Tran's hobbies include: spelunking, hunting grues, inventing media scares (ex. the Lead Paint Scare), hating on inferior humans, breakfast, creating motivational posters, and watching the Weather Channel.
[edit] Career
Despite only being five years old, Dr. Tran's 30,000+ movies have grossed over 5 dollars in the box-office. His movies are currently distributed by the Super-Uber-Asian company, who also distribute Kurt Russell's independent films. His films vary greatly in subject matter, but all center on the fact that the boy is a doctor, an action hero, and his conflict with this fact. Here are a few examples:
- Oh Shit, It's Dr. Tran
- 3,2,1... Dr. Tran
- Operation: Dr. Tran
- Dr. Tran Doles Out The Harshness
- Dr. Tran Has A Chat With A Mormon Child
- Dr. Tran And His Views On Homosexuality
- Dr. Tran Sets Fire To The Ocean
- Dr. Tran Gets Sunburn
- Dr. Tran Finally Enjoys Breakfast
- Dr. Tran And The Fembots
- Dr. Tran Buys Out iRaq
- Dr. Tran Rides His Big-Wheel To 7-11
- Dr. Tran Makes A Birdhouse
- Dr. Tran Visits Satan
- Dr. Tran Denounces The Existence Of Satan
- Dr. Tran Inhales A Pixie-Stick
- Dr. Tran And His Mother's New Boyfriend Argue
- Dr. Tran Meets His Match
- Dr. Tran Kills His Own Mother With A Broken Lawn Chair
[edit] Merchandise
- Dr. Tran's Hot Sauce
- Dr. Tran's Normal Sauce
- Dr. Tran's Amazingly Life-Like Minature Unstable Noggin Toy
- Dr. Tran's Boat Engines
- Dr. Tran's Floor Tile
- Dr. Tran's Drain Cleaner / Toothpaste
- Dr. Tran's VCR Dynamite
- Dr. Tran's Peanut Butter Square Hula Quest
- Dr. Tran's Lead Pillows (Work In Progress)
- Dr. Tran's Belt Phone
- Dr. Tran's Mint Gum
- Dr. Tran's Thunderlight
- Dr. Tran's Lamp Warmers
- Dr. Tran's Xbox Acid
- Dr. Tran's Wire Shoelaces
- Dr. Tran's Amaze-An-Armadillo
- Dr. Tran's Startle-A-Skunk
- Dr. Tran's Confuse-A-Cougar
- Dr. Tran's Fantasy Factory
- Dr. Tran's EZ-Heat-With-A-Light Bulb Oven
- And Many More!!
[edit] Enemies
Although the revered doctor is primarily a pacifist/homophobe, Dr. Tran has amassed a large amount of enemies who would gladly kill him and/or have a nice breakfast with him. His adventures have taken him to the far reaches of space and time, and his enemies represent a large cross-section of the universe's population. He, like many intergalactic super-doctors, is very annoyed at the following of enemies he has accrued. He, in his undying wisdom, urges you to help him combat these evil-doers:
- Me and Your Mom
- Godzilla
- Grues (both varieties)
- The International Bankers and Terrorists Foundation
- Toast
- Satan
- Earth, Wind, and Fire
- Wiggers
- All of the people absolutely nowhere
- ManBoy
- Small Children
- Pool Parties
- Abnormally-Shaped Buildings
- Freakishly Ugly Children
- Announcers
- Narrators
- Horse Butt Holes
“You...so bad...AHHH...NO WINDOWS IN YOUR HOUSE!!!”
~ Dr. Tran on The State Of Your Residence and Its Lack of Windows
[edit] See Also
