Dr Dre
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Dre, because you are sorry, I give you in my will: DEEZ NUTZ! BEYOND THE GRAVE NIGGA!”
~ Eazy-E on Dr Dre
“Still the beat bangs, still doing my thang”
~ Dr. Dre on his thang
“Here, use these pills, son. Take two every hour with a glass of water. And don't you motherfuckin' dare to forget 'bout me again, bitch!”
~ Dr Dre on kids with amnesia
“I will rip out your endocrine system!”
~ Gary Busey on meth on Dr. Dre and Bugs Bunny
Contents |
[edit] Dr. André Romell Young
Dr. André Romell Young, M.D, Ph.D. is a world-renowned teen psychiatrist and family physician, son of Dr. Hibbert and Condoleeza Rice, most notorious for his invention of the anti-amnesia pills known as forgotaboutdreium. He was formerly known as the actor best known for his portrayal of the sixth incarnation of Doctor Who on the popular television series The Doctor. He has degrees in cardiology, oncology, and is rumored to have used the African-American (formerly black) art of negromancy to learn from Paracelsus himself. He is considered to be one of the greatest trumpet players in the history of Jazz Metal. He is known for calling himself or proclaiming himself as the MUTHA FUCKING D-R-E! "I'm Doctor Dre MUTHA FUCKA!"
He was born in 1969 as the son of the Duke of York. He spent a happy childhood living in luxury and attended the best private schools in York. He studied used coloring books at Compton University, where he formed the influential union Nurses With Anxiety, and soon discovered that he had a real talent for brain surgery using desert eagles. In 1999, after a lengthy break to attempt to found a musical career in jazz, he graduated summa cum laude after performing a 24-hour operation during which he removed a brain tumor using nothing but a pair of tweezers and a roll of duct tape (also see MacGyver). John Nathan-Turner, the patient for this operation, was so inspired by Dre's skills that he immediately hired him to replace Doogie Howser in the role of Doctor Who.
The Dre incarnation of Doctor Who is instantly recognizable for his dour and monochromatic wardrobe, frequently wearing all black. Unlike most incarnations of Doctor Who, Dre preferred the company of male companions. His one female companion, Perpegulium Brown (Portrayed by Dee Barnes) left the show after Dre threw her down a flight of stairs in a fit of post-regeneration trauma. Subsequent companions included Eazy-E, Snoop Dogg, and, in the post-hiatus era of Dre's Doctor, Eminem.
Dr. Dre's partnership with Snoop Dogg was forged while working as an aeronautical engineer for the McDonnell Douglas Aircraft Co. in Long Beach, California. During lunch breaks, Dre and Snoop Dogg, who worked as an aircraft assembler on the MD11 assembly line, would burst into freestyle rap competitions amongst their co-workers in the aircraft factory's cafeteria. People who forget about Dre are periodically shot by Dre's Henchmen, who remained with Dre after his musical career ended.
It has been proven that Dre is incapable of releasing an album without 7 years of preparation, and 10+ special guests. Though his production skills are crunk, his rhymes aren't always that dope. Perhaps that is why he needs so many special guests on his albums, to cover up for his lack of flow. Naa mean?
[edit] Feuds With N.W.A.
Dr Dre eventually ended up being sworn enemies with the whole NWA because Eazy had aids and binged on fried checken and mistaked it for bronchitis, Ice Cube for being a Punk ass Bitch, and Nobody knows what the Fuck is up with MC Ren, but nobody gives a fuck about him anyway.
[edit] Musical Style
He makes his beats by taking a leather strap and beating his cat with it. On some of his songs, he leaves in the cat's yowls and distorts them, so it sounds like hi-hat hits on the off beats.
He calls this "the on'y kine a pussywhippin' I wanna get a part a in my life."
There is controversy over elements of Dre's musical style, most notably in his use of Country and Western instrumentation and time signatures on his song "My Achy Breaky Heart". Fellow rap artists including M&M and Tony Blair questioned the use of this style, suggesting Dre was "frontin'." Or some other hip-hop bull-shit.
[edit] Dr. Dre's Lips
Dr. Dre is known for his enourmous purple lips. Dre has struggled all his life with his giant lips, and they have prevented him from speaking regularly. His speech is low and muffled, like most Black people. In 1995, Dr. Dre confessed to the media that the only food he was capable of eating, was Fried Chicken. He cannot smoke cigarettes or joints; he can only smoke black n milds and blunts. He cannot drink regular liquor; he can only drink malt liquor. Though Dre has struggled all his life with this genetic disability, he has managed to become one of the best and most well-known rappers in The Game. He is a thriving example of AIDS. Insert more lame black stereotypes here...
During a 1993 interview after his release of The Chronic, Andre was questioned about his lips. High on ecstasy, he whippeded out his 3-foot long penis and raped the television reporter. Andre was arrested later that evening and contained in the Compton County Jail. During his stay, he reportedly cried all night, complaining about how the 5-O supposedly deprived him of his Malt Liquor and his "gangsta azz shit." After being released on $500,000 bond, he was interviewed by reporters. He told one reporter, when asked about the night's stay, "Maaaaaan they took away my Hennessy and Gin. They also took away my Purple Cough Syrup and my gangsta azz shit, you know what I'm sayin'?"
After his court appearance and several other assault and arsenal charges, Andre was asked about his lips again, in which he responded: "Maaan when I was younger I drank so much liquor and smoked so much of that gangsta shit my lips just started getting bigger." This change apparently had no significance to him because he was busy stealing someone's Ford Excursion. Another theory about his lips is that he got into so many fights with cops and Black people that his lips eventually just stayed swollen. His lips measure 5.5" across and come out of his face about 2".Graduated from USC college top of the class and then went into his musical career
In a 1999 interview, Dre confesses that he enjoys his large lips because he can hide Crack Cocaine and Gangsta Shit in them from the Police.
[edit] Dre's musical past
Little known to those involved with his life as a physician, Dre was formerly a musician specializing in slow "Jazz Metal" music. Dre's taste in jazz music was rather controversial, leading to feuds with other artists. Over time fans of Dre's music began to form into a large and unruly jazz gang, who often took part in lengthy enraged jazz battles with one another, and "jazz offs". These began to get out of hand, and a hefty rivalry grew between Dre and Dean Barnes after one of Dre's gangsters played a slap bass solo outside Barnes house at 8am.
Dre's tracks are often characterized as "bass-and-synth heavy". He is recognized as the best producer in the Game.
Shortly after the Dean Barnes incident, Dre quit music and followed his lifelong dream of becoming a physician. fuck whoevea wrotethis shit
[edit] The Dean Barnes Incident
In the 1996 council elections Dre accepted an invitation to a live debate with his opponent, Elitaire Dean Barnes. However when he arrived early Dre was taken into a white transit van after hearing someone yell 'Let's get 'em!'. When the debate was aired, a visibly aggrieved Dre said that Barnes was 'nothing but a she-thing baby' and held up an old picture of Barnes wearing make up and stilettos that he had found on one of his early musical works Barnes Been Beyond Before But Believe Barnes, Barnes Being Bolmontious Bout Being There. Barnes responded by saying that the G in Dre's middle name stood for 'Gayness'. At this point Dre lost his temper and drowned Barnes. Vanilla rapper White Ice later spoke of this incident in his song 'That Dude Is Guilty!'
[edit] DeSox
The musical world is still awaiting Dr Dre's 3rd release, tentatively titled DeSox (after deez socks heez got), which as of April 2009 has been in production for approximately 46,000 years. Asked whether the album was stuck in production hell or if record label red-tape was slowing down the creative process, Dre responded " O fo' sho'."
Doctor dre once busted a rhyme so badly, it was reported within a 3 mile radius 500 women became pregnant with his love children. He DID NOT pay child support.
