Draco Malfoy

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“His Dad's my bitch”

~ Oscar Wilde on Draco's dad

“For the last time, I married Astoria Greengrass! Can't you guys just get over it?”

~ Draco Malfoy on the fangirls continuously trying to pair him up with Hermione/Ginny/Harry/Hagrid/The giant squid

“But him nd Harry wer meant 2 b!”

~ A crazy fangirl

“Wasn't he that Athenian lawmaker?”

~ Some internet nerd on Draco

“Isn't that some sort of constellation?”

“He's really white”

~ Captain Obvious on Draco Malfoy

“What a terrible, terrible jerk. Yes, a jerk, you heard me.”

~ Harry Potter on Draco Malfoy

“You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!”

Early Background[edit]

Draco Malfoy is a wizard born on February 32nd, 1980 to Lucius Malfoy and Sierra malfoy's sister. He grew up in a gigantic house with his parents, and learned to do magic and other crap like that. He hardly ever went out in the sunlight, because, due to his extraordinary whiteness, is he was out in the sun for long, his skin would burn, and he would die.


At Hogwarts, he quickly became known as therich, snobby bully who constantly tormented people whom he felt threatened by. Draco had a fascination for the abnormal; this is explained by his obsession for gaining Harry Potter's, the only wizard to never die from the killing curse's, attention. His first, but obviously fake, love interest was Pansy Parkison, at the very young age of fourteen. They broke up when Pansy found someone even more pale than Draco, and fell for Voldemort. Soon thereafter, she realised Voldemort had an inability to love because his mother neglected him as a child from being dead, and turned to cheering potions for the rest of her adolescence.

Draco then became severely depressed, believing to have lost the love of his life, and so joined all the strange fetishes that come about in Hogwarts. Hogwarts fetishes include, dragon fetish, house elf fetish, potions snorting (like taking drugs), transfiguration beastiality, and Mrs. Norris Huffing (similar to Kitten Huffing but with a specific variation.), Hermione Granger kissing, also acromantula huffing is popular. It is necessary to say that Draco tried his hand in all of these.

In his sixth year Draco found in the Room of Requirement a wardrobe. When he went into this wardrobe he was flung into the land of Narnia. Here he met the white bitch of Narnia, who teamed up with him to carry out the 'world domination' plan and they destroyed everyone in Narnia. They had a one night stand and she had a child, pronounced as 'the whitest person in the universe'. Unfortunately, she eventually was killed by Aslan who sent Draco back to his world. Their kid became the new ruler of Narnia, which, by now, consisted of only herself, and the pervert Mr Tumnus, who she couldn't escape from.

Harry Potter, who suspected that Draco was up to something, followed him into the bathroom and found him, crying after he found his dad getting it on with Dumbledore. Harry said, "I know what you did, Malfoy!" referring to Draco's drug taking, and threatened to tell everyone about it.

Draco attempted to fight back, but Harry cast the "Hateus-Myselfus" spell, making Draco hate himself. Draco then became so miserable that he pointed his wand at himself and cast "Sectumsempra" causing him to bleed. Snape came in, suspecting that Harry had tried to kill Draco, and so killed Harry.

Snape healed Draco without a second thought. Once Draco had seen what happened to Harry Potter, the chosen one Draco secretly loved with all his heart, Draco pulled out a communication device that helped him contact Batman. Batman pulled some heavy dark magic he learned from the vampires he trained with and healed Harry. Harry woke up and told Draco that he hated his guts and then went on to shag batman in front of Draco. Draco clearly distraught called for Dobby to stick the sword of gryffindor up his ass. Dobby refused and Harry did it for him while still shagging Batman.

Adult Life[edit]

Draco Malfoy married a bitch named Astoria Greenass, provoking actions of shock from everyone who assumed he would marry Pansy "pug-face" Parkinson. They had a child named Scorpius Malfoy, who grew up to be very racist. Scorpius murdered his own mother when he was a newborn. He then grew up and auditioned for America's Got Talent along with Harry Potter's child Albus.

Draco grew tired of the wizarding world, and left his son to go and live in the muggle world, becoming a singer under the name of Mr Hudson. Misses Hudson became famous with the hit 'Norris'. 2 years after he married his wife Mr Hudson became pregnant and brought a beautiful person on earth. This person was clearly fake.