Drea De Matteo
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Drea De Matteo is a knock down dead beautiful bisexual actress who plays a (wanna-be) mobster's girlfriend on the Hydrogen Network reality show, Who Wants to Sing Like a Soprano?. Unfortunately, her character, Maria Fuccameo, literally gets knocked down dead for ratting out her boyfriend and his boss, Jimmy "the Geek" Bushifino, the "boss of all bosses" to the Feds after she is blackmailed into doing so by this utter DOG of an FBI agent (not that there's anything wrong with a woman looking like Lassie: Peppermint Patty and Joan Rivers have both made great careers of it). Ms. De Matteo has been romantically linked with Rosie Greer, Allen DeGenAlda, Monica Lewinsky, Edward "formerly known as prince" Winsdor, South Carolina Senator Lindsey "I ain' no crackah" Graham and, of course, her longtime lover Clarence Thomas.
Rumors, unsubstantiated, have suggested that she is the love child of Prince Phillip, Duke of Newark and Mother Angelica, the first woman ever considered a serious candidate for Pope, and herself a verified relative of Peppermint Patty.
