Dream Theater

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Sorry are you confused with the other Dream theater



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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Dream Theater.
Dream Theater and some guy after a concert on Boob apreciation tour

Tream Dheater is a Dark ambient band formed by a magician named Jordan Rudess. The band is made up primarily of internet bots who perform via holographic animation. Aside from Judess, Lames JaBrie is the only member of Tream Dheater who is self aware and has been so since evolving from the algorithm of Judess' earliest creation, Dharlie Cominici. Judess is also famous for his highly regarded cookery books all of which have won several international prizes. Dream Theater's song As I Am (#1 in several Baltic countries) conveys the passion felt by Judess whilst cooking.

Their biggest hit is called "Push You Over" and features 51 swear words. It mostly includes a dying cat screaming and John maying aka Jackie chan tuning his bass 9 Octaves low. The music video features Jesus making a salad and Satan playing chess. There new album "A crappy form of cheese" has rip offs of jazz songs.

There second biggest hit is a song called "I love air and space museum decade old candy" and runs for roughly Eighty minutes.

On some random day dream theater anounced that they will be working on their 16th load of ***it On Wednesday the third of February, dream theater appeared on the late show with David Letterman and John Myung attacked the audience and John Petrucci kept Smashing his guitar. James Labrie is known to sing out of tune. Dream theatre's song "take the time" was also a hit and features a clock ticking and Mike Portony hitting some guy's head. The music video futures dream theater at Michael Jackson's funeral dream theater was dancing on his grave. The band is known for being one of the most ridiculously complex technical elements ever discovered, so much they created themselves out of nothing, thus raping the laws of physics and thermodynamics.

Only "claiming" that they have "talent", they are known as the most intense jazz-opera fusion rap band in the world. Songs like Pull You Not Me Under a Glass Prison Moon have won the band the respect of thousands of people around the world. but their original singer Chris De Burg didn't like it, so he left. After Charlie Promaninciallyorinano joined the band he lasted four weeks before he was burnt into the atmosphere by John Petrucci's wikiddd sick ray gun that he so totally got from the year 3009. Promaninciallyorinano's final words were; "...The fuck? Why is the ironing board still out?!"

Three of Dream Theaters members are also well credited for partaking in the Liquid Bear Experiment, in which they accidentally created World War 3. However, thanks to a particular guitar solo from Petrucci, he was able to send the aforementioned war 10,000 years into the future, where (when?) it became the responsibility of Paul Atriedes and the other characters in the Dune saga by Frank Herbert.

In the Bible when Jesus was believed to come back to life, it was just John Petrucci(worlds worst guitar player), they went to the wrong tomb. He was mistaken for Jesus when traveling back in time. His directions were off, thus sending him to Jesus's time, not the dinosaurs as planned.

In Peter Jackson's "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, Jordan Rudess was originally cast as Gandalf but he immediately turned it down because there weren't enough keyboards anywhere on set. He demanded that he be allowed to play Key-tar while fighting the Balrog so that he wouldn't have to die. Jackson was quoted as saying "ZoMg lawlz, nooeessss cuz u r t00 1337!!!!!eleven!!!11111"

Dream Theater was formed sometime during the Ordovician period (488 million years ago), at the time there was only the squid-like James Labrie singing "O Holy Night" that created a photosynthesis and allowing other life forms to evolve. Soon John Petrucci and John Myung had been fully evolved and successfully mated. Their child was Mike Portnoy. When Mike was three years old, he formed the band. The four life forms thought to themselves, "Who shall play keyboard as well as we play our respective instruments?" And so it was that they took a trilobite and forced it to evolve with a drum solo of Mike's. With many fingers he wrote songs and played keyboard, but was still not as brilliant and could not withstand the incredible awesome of his bandmates. And so they obliterated the failed experiment, named "Kevin". And thus spake Myung, "Lo, we are again without a keyboard player." He therefore took his bass and shredded for a primitive shark. This also evolved into a player, to whom they offered the name Derek. He surpassed Kevin and wrote songs, but soon decided to leave. And quoth the unmatchable LaBrie, "Verily, verily, I say unto thee, we yet again are without a keyboardist." And the others saw that it was so. Great fortune came upon them, however. Jordan Rudess stumbled across the newly formed band during one of his time travels and thought "these guys have potential" and joined them. For he could play continuum as no one else could. As evolution kept on, the dinosaurs started to interrupt the band 76 hours a day training sessions, and they decided that the dinosaurs could not be kept alive anymore. So for over 400 million years the band worked on the ultimate song of the universe, with a length of over 5 months. Not much is know about the making of it, except that it involved a kitten, catnip and a continuum. When they were done, they held a concert somewhere by the coast of Mexico and invited all the dinosaurs of the earth. During the last 5 minutes of the song, John Petrucci ran backstage and soon returned wearing leather pants. The dinosaurs tried to flee in panic. But it was already too late. John Petrucci played a solo of over 5 000 000 000 000 notes per second, thus killing all of the dinosaurs on earth. Since then, they haven't had a single interrupted training session. The legendary song has never been played since either.

The band is currently working on their latest album. There have been major interruptions however including Jordan being timewarped back to the Wizards Guild at the End Of The Universe. Apparantly, recent political conferences between Barack Obama and Dumbledore had resulted in all available wizards being recruited to go help fight the war on terror. Jordans whereabouts are unknown, however intelligence suspects he is somewhere in the east of Iraq, along with Captain Gandalf and General Merlin. Mike has also been having problems, as recent attempts to bring him back to life after he was eaten by John Myung have resulted in him being trapped inside a rogue Octavarium that the band only recently discovered. Petrucci entered the Octavarium at 06:00 hours on the 9th of Febuary in order to bring him back. It is now the 1st of March and he has only just managed to defeat the continuum solo. Live coverage of Johns progress in the Octovarium can be viewed via his Myspace page, which he updates regularly.

PSY joining dream theater[edit]

Once Dream Theater announced that PSY would be joining Dream Theater their fan-base grew stronger.

Dream Theater and their new member PSY

Coincidences[edit]

Just Recently A Dream Theater fan had a strange occurrence happen. Here is his tale.

I had been awoken at 6:00, whilst inside my Glass Prison. I decided to go for a morning jog, so I left my Home. I started to Walk Beside You, when suddenly, I was tripped up by The Root of All Evil, which unknowingly tried to Pull Me Under. After I pulled myself to my feet, a Panic Attack eased its way into my body. All of a sudden I was Surrounded by These Walls that were Falling Into Infinity.

After the walls decided to Disappear, I ventured towards the church, when I suddenly got Caught in A Web, and I started thinking "Is it Never Enough?".

When I was Finally Free of the web, I started towards the church once again. I had to make a speech on Repentance, in which my final statement was "In The Name of God, you must Honor Thy Father." I tried to tap into someone's Stream of Consciousness, but their mind was Vacant. I decided to return to Metropolis.

By now, the Dark Eternal Night had come, and I was walking Under a Glass Moon. It felt as if A Change of Seasons had occurred. Suddenly, I felt as if I was In The Presence of Enemies. I felt Scarred, so I kept myself in Constant Motion because whatever was out there, was trying to pull me into The Ministry of Lost Souls, when suddenly there was a Fatal Tragedy. My girlfriend, Anna Lee was taken. She started to scream; "Don't listen to what my father says, To Live Forever is a Lie!" I decided I had to see her One Last Time, before The Silent Man took her away from me forever. I started to re-enact The Dance of Eternity, whilst trying to remain true to the fact that The Spirit Carries On. Through Her Eyes, I knew her Innocence Faded away.

It took me a few days to get over the fact that it would never be The Way it Used to Be. I lay down and Wait For Sleep, inside a Space-Dye Vest. Suddenly I started to hear Voices, which sounded like an Erotomania. I got up, and took a look into The Mirror, that reminded me that tomorrow is Another Day. Through My Words, the story may sound different, but she is now Beyond This Life. My Blind Faith contradicted popular belief, but I had Misunderstood The Great Debate. Her house is now Forsaken and I refuse to venture there, because the Prophets of War reside there.

It was now Eve, and As I Am, This Dying Soul had to make an Endless Sacrifice with Sacrificed Sons. A few months later, after my Trial of Tears, I started Learning to Live because I had found out that The Answer Lies Within. Regression set in as I experienced a Strange Deja Vu. I heard an Octavarium, while Overture 1928 was playing. This made me experience Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence whilst on the backs of angels."

I decided to Take The Time, since it was a New Millennium, to hold a Funeral for a Friend. This would ensure that Lifting Shadows Off a Dream was possible. Suddenly I heard The Big Medley, which sounded like someone calling "Hey You! It's Only a Matter of Time.".

Unfortunately, that night, I had A Nightmare To Remember, which I believe was only A Rite of Passage into my adulthood. Now that I'm over the hill, I'll simply Wither deep inside The Shattered Fortress of a Home I have. Thankfully, being old has been The Best of Times, as I get to hang out with The Count of Tuscany until the crimson sunset.'

There is a place called Italy

Personnel[edit]

Current members[edit]

  • John Petrucci - (Aka. Can I use the John)He practices guitar 63 hours a day due to his 4 simultaneous 24 hour time reverse signatures. He is capable of holding out a single chord for over an hour, and has the power to travel back in time. Became famous after inadvertedly exoposing himself on live television. He is known to have biceps with the circumference of the Milky Way. He is Of course, God, the Alpha and Omega, the creator of all existence. However, when asked "What is the meaning of life?", Petrucci replied, "How the Fuck should I know?", then began to play 3 million notes per second on his guitar, to which the interviewer turned inside out and then exploded, during a recent interview with "Omniscience" magazine.
  • Bob Builder (aka. Bob the builder)- The band's vocalist who made his debut on Images and turds 2, after Petrucci found him on a "Help Canada" time-travel mission. He apparently endorses a variety of shampoos when washing his hair ranging from Loreal to Loreal Paris. Before joing Dream Theater Bob was a highly accomplished erotic novelist with his most well known novel being the world famous "Crime,Lieus and Incestuous Activities". Bob is also known throughout the universe as being the only currently living lifeform to perform a sustained F# note (teh most hardest note to sing while on the toilet)for over 9 and a half hours without stopping.
  • PSY Jackie Chan aka. John Myungs brother and the new member of dream theater.When he joined Dream Theater he assumed singing roles with Bob Builder.Since he joined Dream Theater he has recorded three albums starting with PPSSYY(The Album) and had success with "Gangnam Wither" they decided to keep him as a full time member.
  • Jackie Chan (aka. John Myung) The foreign kid that follows the rest of the band around. No one really known what he does but it is rumored he can give you a five finger death punch if you annoy him. There are claims he is a bassist but the bass on most of the albums was in fact, recorded by Mike Portnoy who pressed a microphone against his stomach and recorded his bowel movements. Whilst on tour, the highly fragile Myung is kept in a cage, not being released until his A string snaps. He is also known to turn purple whenever a modulation involves more than three semi-tones. Myung also fought in the Second World War for the Japanese, using his trusty bass guitar instead of the standard-issue Arisaka rifles his fellow Ninja friends used.

It is a well-known fact that the five current members of Dream Theater have the ability to combine to create a large octopus-like creature with the ability to fight spiders. The last time this happened was when the Big Bang occurred, for all the universe's energy was merged into the Octopus.

Former members[edit]

  • Ozzy Osbourne - Former Manager and producer, who got sick of month long pieces of shit on little disks that you loose under the couch
  • Kevin Moore - Additional commentary
  • Dominici - Err... wait, who? That one guy who was almost Geddy Lee and almost David Bowie but really didn't work for Dream Theater.
  • Prog Jon - Additional shouts 'until we eat again'- Constant Lotion.
  • Spiderman - Only a member for 2 albums and then got kicked out from hurting other band members
  • Jordan Sparks - The hot chick who is never fully clothed.
  • Tom from Deadweight - All Sweep Picking
  • Derek Sherinian - Inventor of the Keyboard Solo
  • Lars Ulrich - Groupie.
  • Jordan Ruddess - Possesses the ability to travel through both space and time via keyboard and continuum soloing and possibly magic. He is also known to be a professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This suspicion was aroused when the loyal Dream Theater fans saw him in a cape and a pointy hat, although this could just be the Koo Klux Klan in disguise. He was formerly known as and remains to be Jesus. He discovered the equation to produce the ever elusive "Z note" which when played stops time. This could be postulated as the universe reaching Omega, to which Petrucci (God) was very angered about, and told Rudess that he was bold bold boy, and grounded him for a week in heaven, which was revealed during a recent interview with "Omniscience" magazine.
  • Thomas Edison - Monkey-Bonkey bells.
  • Yngwie Malmsteen- Personal toilet cleaner for John Petrucci.
  • Sasha Pitt- Motivational Speaker/Jackass
  • Socretes - John Petrucci's guitar tech
  • Michael Jackson - The Guy Who Plays the Jews Harp
  • Samuel L. Jackson - Michael Jackson's brother.
  • Mike Portopotty - Kazoos, percussion and backing grunts. The only drummer in the world to achieve the highly coveted '63/42' time signature ability. His kit has over 9000 pieces and he is capable of hitting them all at the same time. This is because he is a squid, and possesses so many limbs. Like Rudess, he used to be, and probably still is, Gothic Jesus. As a matter of fact, every member of Dream Theater was Jesus at some point in time. Yes, even Myung, god friggin' damn it. Except LaBrie...he's Canadian. Also an arch enemy of the late Steve Irwin, and brother of the famous Mothman. Infamous for eating entire trays of catered meals after a show. His chronic eating habit is so bad, the crew had to install a bidet underneath his drum chair to catch all the bowel movements he renders due to the band's thunderous sounding concerts. In addition Portnoy has a bad habit of inviting male and female fans for anal and oral sexual favors at meet and greets during and after the shows. Hence his motto, "Eat my ass and balls and drink my toilet water".

[Dream Theater-Gangnam Wither]

Purpose[edit]

After the success of "Push You over" Dream theater wanted to search for a purpose so they traveled to india and became nuns. It is a little known fact that Dream Theater has an overall purpose, that is to write the ultimate song. Legend has it that this was actually achieved by accident during pre-historic times (see above). This songs primary purpose was to obliterate the dinosaurs, however it may have been used in a failed attempt to destroy small, ameboid like creatures that would one day evolve into Rosie O'Donnell. 65 million years later, Majesty (Otherwise known as Chris De Burghs Progressive Polka Party Band) were practicing one day. Unfortunately for them, John Myung accidentally spilled sushi all over the sheet music, and the song was lost forever. Nine years later, when the rest of the band told Jordan Rudess about this, he went into Super-Angry-Extreme-Destroy-Everything-Rage-Mode!!!!11one, travelled back in time and cursed Myung to a life of eternal silence. Unfortunately, the spell had a nasty side-effect, that would turn Myung into a Grue sometime later, the eventual cause of death for Mike Portnoy. BUT ANYWAY...

The band set out trying to re-discover this so-called "perfect song". They created a Progressive Supergroup known as 'Dream Theater' as a cover story to hide what they were really trying to accomplish. All the songs on their previous albums are actually failed attempts at this "perfect song". Yes, even You Not Me. They came pretty close when they wrote and released Octavarium, even going as far as planning a celebratory live concert (cleverly disguised as a 20th Anniversary DVD), until someone pointed out they had just taken a load of other songs and stuck a two-hour Pink Floyd intro onto the beginning. To which John Petrucci turned that person inside out with his omnipotence, and his billion notes a second.

Style[edit]

Dream Theater are known as an [Ambient music] band most of the music is just sound effects and screams and anoying talking and wispering but they seem to have had success. There latter music consists of Folk and Jazz ripoffs. Then when PSY joined dream theater they incorporated dance music,pop dubstep snd Bossanova

Memorable Quotes[edit]

“Push you Over,Push You Over, Push You Over Id do it any day ”

~ "Push You Over by Dream Theater

“Guys, why don't we get a bassist? ”

~ Mike Portnoy on Dream Theater

“Lets Write a song that goes for Eighty years ”

~ Simon Cow on Dream Theater

“Bah, What were we thinking?!? ”

~ Mike Portnoy on Systematic Chaos

“I wish John Myung would shut the hell up!”

~ Kevin Moore on Awake

“AAARRARARARRARAAGGGGHGHGHHGHGHHHH!!!!! WHERE ARE THE FUCKING CRACKERS!!!!????”

~ John Petrucci on Food Session @ 9:00

“ ”

~ John Myung on Anything, Everything and Nothing

“I think he is the best keyboardist ever, and he is my true idol. ”

~ Jordan Rudess on himself

“Hey Petrucci, I don't mean to alarm you, but there's this Chinese dude following us. ”

~ Mike Portnoy on John Myung

“I know, just keep walking.”

~ John Petrucci in response to above statement

“You are epic fail if you think you are better than me! ”

~ Jordan Rudess on himself

“I don't believe in Santa Claus, John Myung, or the Tooth Fairy and i don't know the fuck if im real either. ”

~ Mike Portnoy on John Myung

“Guys, I think there's something in my throat. ”

~ James LaBrie on HIS SUPER AMAZING VOICE!

“I'm Hungry.. ”

~ John Myung's first words in 20 years

“I'm about to faint ”

~ Mike Portnoy on Fainting

“EUREKA!! I have found note "Z"! ”

~ Jordan Rudess on discovering the equation to "Timelessness"

“Is This where we come in? ”

“Ready, Lets play(out of time) ”

“Fuck you Jordan Rudess) ”

~ John Petrucci's final words

Discography and videography[edit]

Albums
Year Title Notes
1986 Pastor of Muppets Later re-released as Train of Contemplation. Written by John Petrucci, while drinking with Thomas Edison in one of his time travels.
1989 When Cream & Clay Unite A concept album, argued to be a concept album about Charlie Promaninciallyorinano.
1992 Images and Turds 2 Mike Portnoy wrote the majority of this album while eating those weird candies. Oh wait, it wasn't candies, it was actually those people with the glasses and pocket protectors. Kevin Moore wished to call this album Images and Turds 2 . This triggered a dispute in the band and finally Moore was kicked out of the universe.
1994 A Cake Kevin Moore's last album with the band, recorded at 6 AM on the 25th day of December.
1995 A Change of Seasonings A 20-minute cooking video, and some other originals.
1997 Rising into Zero The most prominent John Petrucci-influenced album, it features lots of non-wanking.
199? Metropolis part 2:The legend of scooby doo
2002 Nine Degrees of Outer Flatulence Contains a song that clocks at 0:01 seconds WOW!!!!!
2002.5 Metropolis, pt.3:The trilogy gets shitty The title says it all
2003 Train of Contemplation An Album that Killed thousands of people across the globe, With sheer power, aggressiveness, 2 year long solos, and a disturbingly well use of phrygian and Harmonic Minor modes, this album was a sure Hit, that of a 2 Boeing 747's clashing, each with one of your ear drums. 90% of the population of Maryland died when they heard "As I Am" on the local radio, and 67% of the population of China died after hearing "This Dying Sowl". It is even said that the Black Pest of the Middle Ages wasn't caused by witches or rats, but by a live Dream Theater performance of "In the Name of Gob" and "Stream of Con-artists" (ON THE SAME CONCERT!) in the Vatican in the year 865; and that the people didn't die by diseases, but by their heads exploding
2004 we couldnt think of a name for this but this is our longest song "We couldnt think of a name for this but this is our longest song" Quote John,John and Jordan.
2005 Pentavarium Loops forever, just like an eight. U2 helped them write some nice songs (I Skip Far Away From You), but were accidentally killed in one of te sessions.
2006 Metropolis pt.4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19 Nicholis is a girl and the hipnotheripist is victoria, Edward is a cubin monkey and the other guy stared in an episode of home and away.))"
2007 Random Organization Some guy loses his soul and gets it back. Who cares? I'm just freaking waiting for Black Clouds and Silver Linings. GAHHHH!
2008 Greatest Hit and 2 Songs That Only Dogs Can Hear Just "Images and Turds 2" with the tracklist mixed around and 2 tracks that can only be heard by dogs.
2009 Black Pimps and Silver Cadillacs (feat. Snoop Dogg) Portnoy's definition of Badass, the album had retreated to the original roots of Dream Theater before the Pastor of Muppets debut (Ghetto Cinema Era). Generally revolving around the Golden Age of Rap and Hip Hop the album lacked guitar solo's thus Labrie had to step up with extremely fast dissing and rapping as a replacement to the solo's. Drum kits were castrated to standard size and the Bass guitar took a more major role thus causing Petrucci and Rudess to spend hours and hours at the snack & refreshments bar. Snoop Dogg also lend a helping hand and was featured on most of the tracks.
2010 PPSSYY(The Album) The first album featuring PSY and features there third biggest hit "Gangnam Wither"
2019 Retaeht maerd Just yesterday dream theater anounced the title of their new album "Retaeht maerd". Its a five disk album with five 80 minute songs. Dream theater say that its been a work-in-progress for the last 2 days,the first song "I love air and space museum decade old candy" is going to be released as a single,it features mike portony saying how much he loved been kicked out,jordan rudess' breaking pianos slowed down 800% john petrucci screaming at the top of his lungs and the quiet guy sipping a latte. Its also the Second album with new member PSY
2020 The OP' note (feat. PSY) With Dream Theater's Love for Pop and Progressive Jazz they were searching on eBay for a cheap star for hire... but it was getting so late that it was already 2017 for the Jetlags that Dream Theater Caused, but they had a plan they used there canadian basket ball player (James Lab'bre) to lure PSY to help them. With PSY after he done twenty tours Dream Theater invited him do community service, also with Dream Theaters Love for Gangnam Wither, They were bought together and became known as DreamPSYTheater. This is the Third album with PSY
2015 A Crappy Form Of Cheese It has four long songs and one song called "I am Bob".
2017 Satanic Candy It features Corey Taylor singing the korean national anthem.
2018 The mighty adventures of Whipcream Man Everything you want from a Gothic Pop band.
2023 The Baker Stole The Breadman's Hat Another concept album because why not. Tells the story of the baker stealing the breadman's hat. Featured their fifth and a half biggest hit "GiVe Me My HaT bAcK"

Live[edit]

Year Title Notes
1987 The muppets finaly go live for the first time and then get stoned by angry fans The First live album by Ambient band (aka. Lebanese Folk band) Dream Theater.
1993 Live Turds 3 The second live album by Ambient band (aka. Lebanese Folk band) Dream Theater.

Featuring the big hit "Push You Over".

2002.1 Live Flatulence "Another Pathetic live album that you want to run away from" - Ozzy Osbourne
2008 Score "This is to celebrate Twenty Two Years of Turds" - Bob Builder [[1]]
2012 Live in new orleans(Its a live album) A new live album feturing "I love air and space museum decade old candy" and "Push You Over" Dream theater commented on the live album saying "This is twice as good as score"

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