Drizzt Do'Urden
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Drizzt Do'Urden is a fictional dark elf in the series of Dungeons and Dragons novels written by Bobby "The Knife" Salvatoré, and is the second most well known Forgotten Worlds character, right after Ed Greenwood. Drizzt is also featured in every single video game that licenses the D&D namebrand, a contractual obligation the company owes to Bobby the Knife, and nobody forgets their obligations to da Knife, capeesh?
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[edit] History
Drizzt's story begins eons before his birth, when all elves lived on the surface of the Forgotten Worlds and the mighty spellcaster Elminster was a mere wizard of 3rd level. But then the lighter sub-races of elves grew jealous of the dark elves' nice sneakers and ability to slam dunk in hoops, and conspired to bring their culture to ruin. Soon the poor dark elves found their children hooked on crack and hateful stereotypes about them being spread around to all the other fantasy races, even the stumpy, foul smelling dwarves.
By the Forgotten World Reckonin' Year of the Fanciful Kobold (1979), Drizzt was but a young elf of 37 and the dark elven peoples had long ago been forced to live in underground ghettoes, where poverty and their lack of a decent education kept them from gaining meaningful employment or membership in the nicer country clubs. Drizzt was always unusual for a dark elf, having piercing blue eyes and a complete lack of rhythm, but it was when he lost a rap battle to House Do'Urden's most ancient rivals, the Wu Tang Clan, that he was cast out from dark elven society and branded a renegade, or Oh-Ree-Ohh in the dark elven tongue.
Years later, after honing his amazing fighting abilities by shaking down cave gnomes in protection rackets, Drizzt expanded his operations to what dark elves call the Big Time, but to the rest of us is known as the surface world. There he carved out a name for himself, using nothing more than his dark elven sex appeal and chutzpah.
Today Drizzt lives in Mithril Hall, the largest mansion in all of Northern Forgotten Worlds and while all of his racist neighbors still ascribe to all of the dark elf stereotypes, they'll grudgingly admit that Drizzt at least is one of the good ones.
[edit] Abilities
Years of hard living, unresolved family abandonment issues and participation in street level violence have made Drizzt Do'Urden the most feared multi-classed fighter type in the Forgotten Worlds. Known for his unparalleled skill in the use of blackjacks and snub nosed pistols, his lethality is only more increased by the constant presence of Drizzt's favorite pet Guenhwyvar, a large, magical pig that will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes.
[edit] Magic Items
In addition to his twin scimitars, Icing and Twinkie, Drizzt also carries a longbow named Mooshie, a dwarven pickaxe named Betsy-Boo, and a three-speed vibrator he calls "Mr. Snuggles".
[edit] Supporting Characters
There are as many as 5 Salvatoré novels featuring Drizzt the Dark Elf, and his companions usually include...
- Artemis Entreri: A human who is completely immersed in dark elf urban culture and Drizzt's greatest rival. Constantly mispronounces dark elf words and is finally forced to admit that while his skin is white his soul is also white, after Drizzt throws him out a window and the fall breaks both his legs. Artemis and Drizzt's animosity is often punctuated by lavishly-detailed "back-rub scenes".
- Bruenor Battlehammer: Smelly by even dwarven standards, Bruenor is an incorrigible racist who blames everything on conspiracies that only he believes in, supposedly orchestrated by the gnomes. He also runs a series of dwarf antique stores & delicatessens, which are used as fronts for Drizzt's illicit activities.
- Cattie Brie: Like Artemis, she embraces a different culture, namely that of the dwarves. Unlike Artemis, she is actually accepted by that culture, most likely due to her excessive hairiness. This hairiness, combined with her frequent bleating, has led many fans to speculate that Cattie is actually a goat.
- Regis: A dirty little hobbit killed early in the series by Drizzt, supposedly for "squealing". Appears often in flashbacks whenever Drizzt is being questioned by law enforcement officials. Regis's catch phrase is "Is that thy final answer, m'lord?"
- Wulfgar: One of Drizzt's enforcers, Wulfgar is a human barbarian best known for killing small animals with a hammer and being hideously stupid.
- Clones: Many young Dark Elves feel inspired by Drizzt and try to copy him, to be cool, to fit in or to be rebellious. Drizzt is often followed at the safe distance (from Mr Snuggles' ranged touch attack) of about three miles by a crowd of these lookalikes, all of whom pretend to be him in order to get free stuff. These clones are generally used as a food source by Bjork and her Icelandic Chums during the cold winter, when they spontaneously transform into Naked Polar Bears with CGI lips, and hence are poisoned by the Vitamin C in their livers. Consuming drunk Drizzt wannabes who hit the bottle after rejection by the Drizzt Fan Club kills the poisonous livers quickly through Alcohol Poisoning.
