Drummer/The Drums Offender Checklist

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Name of Offender (Drums Player):_______________________
Infraction Date:___________________________
Musical Offenses
   Playing during warm up $10
   Warming Up $25
   Tuning (Right...a drumkit needs to be tuned) $47
   Speeding up during a song $10
   Slowing down during a song $20
   Making an audible mistake in the middle of a song $40
   Using musical scores $25
   Writing musical scores $50
   Attempting drum solo $500
   Achieveing drum solo $1000
   Playing more audible than guitars Get beaten by guitar players
   Playing less audible than bass Get beaten by the whole band twice
   Begin a song with drums $50
   Setting a wrong tempo $60
   Setting a tempo at all $100
   Stopping the song after mistake and shouting loudly AAAAAA! $200
   Play anything other than metal Immediate Dismissal
   Improvising $100
   Playing during brake $200
   Play "Drum scales" $100
   Doing that annoying "solo" stuff after the last song ends during a gig $250
   Sing $2000
Equipment Violation
   Not having two bass drums $250
   Having more than one snare $100
   Using an electronic drumkit $400
   Placing "logos" on drumkit $150
   Not having a Pearl or a Tama Immediate dismissal
   Arranging the drumkit in odd ways $250
   Using earplugs $50
   Breaking drumheads $30 per broken drumhead
   Using trick pedal $50
   Having more cymbals than he can handle $100 per extra cymbal
   Asking for help to move drumkit $400
   Buy a "chineese cymbal" $100
   Breaking drumsticks $20 per drumstick
   Use any flat surface to "play" $500
Criminal Bad Taste
   Headbanging while playing $35
   Drinking water during practice $25
   Standing up while playing $45
   Playing with only one drumstick $50
   Unintentionally throwing drumsticks at bandmates $300
   Intentionally throwing drumsticks at bandmates $750
   Trying to play another instrument $1500
   Practicing $500
   Sweating $20
   Starting a sentence with "Well I play nine instruments at once..." $2000
Basic Stupidity
   Lose drumsticks $50 per drumstick
   Torch himself on fire during live performances $150
   Frequently screaming "Oh Yeah!" $65
   Asking "Where are the drugs?" $75 plus a rehab session
   Put socks inside bass drums $40
   Hitting himself with a drumstick $500
   Tendency to believe he is Lars Ulrich $250
   Forgetting the song $1000
   Mentioning he learned to play in the school's orchestra $150
   Enjoys playing rock band $250
   Trying to speak in "Staccato" $450
   Calling himself a musician Priceless