Dublin
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| |
| Motto: Up the Dubs! Let's drink! | |
| County | Co. Dublin |
| Nickname | Da big smoke |
| Population | 500,000 to 6,000,000 |
| Ethnic Groups | Irish, Gypsies, Junkies, Rapists, Wiggers |
- Were you looking for Dublin,Ont? Thought not. Thats why I didn't make a link.
- Were you looking for Poland?
“I don't understand the question.”
~ Oscar Wilde on being asked his favourite thing about DublinTemplate:Borat
Dublin is the largest shithole city in Ireland (when you count the population during business hours and include foreigners) and is the capital city and as such its residents have over-inflated egos despite the fact that Dublin is generally regarded as an inhabited landfill. This is similar to Cork(which actually is a fantastic place to live and was designed by Carlsberg making it probably be the best county in Ireland) leading Dublin to get the nickname "Cork of the East". Dublin as a county doesn't really exist Dublin as a Cunty does! The city is located on the east coast of Ireland at the mouth of the River Liffey and always smells like shit. The city is divided by the river into the southside and the darkside. The Dublin area has been a centre of power, commerce and culturelessness throughout the ages - sometimes even for the Irish. In a 2003 survey by the BBC, Dublin was the best capital city in Europe to live in if you wanted to live in a shit hole and wanted to be mugged, raped or killed -making it ideal for Emo's, whereas the the Monopoly World Edition had five other capital cities in Europe (including Kyiv from the Ukraine) that received more votes than Dublin. Dublin was nominated to replace the jail square on the board but this was declined as it was feared people would attempt to get their hands on"Get out of Dublin Free" cards. Modern Present day Dublin is wracked with problems of infrastructure, out-dated buildings, homelessness, 11 year old single mothers-whose only clothing is pyjama's which they wear everywhere- and an overabundance of grey (in the skies and around the city).
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[edit] Name
The name Dublin comes from the English word Dubbing - it was changed when Ireland got its independence from the UK to reaffirm the fact that the Irish are not English. "Dubbing" refers to the pirate works abundant in the town, from the historical Book of Kells right up to the present day markets that are rife with pirated DVDs. The term Dubliner refers to a local and should not be confused with The Dubliners (who were a band from Dublin that appropriately enough copied most of Eric Bogle's songs). Other sources claim that Dublin translates directly as "The whore of Ireland"
[edit] Demographics
Dublin is the largest city in Ireland and has a population of people. The population cannot be given too specifically as what is considered "Dublin" is varied a fair bit. If you were too ask a Dubliner then you would count everybody in Co. Dublin as well as parts of Wicklow, Kildare, Wexford, Laois and most of both Meath's. If you were to ask anybody else they'd say only Dublin of course only counts as "Dublin".
For centuries Dublin has been a centre for immigration into Ireland from the aggressive immigration of the Vikings aka the Polish, Normans aka the French and English aka the shower of cunts, to the Chinese immigration to the United States (which took a wrong turn) and right up to the Polish immigration of the present (part of the Polish Wolrd Domination Plans). This influx of foreigners means that the majority of people in Dublin aren't Irish but Anglo-Normo-Chino-Pol-Irish-unts.
Anyone in Dublin who lives on the north side of the river is a dangerous drug dealer (and everyone on the Southside is a wanker). This is a well known fact. To cross the river is suicide; unless going to the theatre but coming straight back. D4s (see also Kinvara) have petitioned for all the theatres on the north side (e.g. The Abbey and The Ambassador) to be moved to Donnybrook but this has been delayed by the local chavs. They have formed a ring of broken syringes in recent years around all of the cultural landmarks that only scumbags can get through.
Among the human population of Dublin (unless of course the fake tan has turned them into tangoese peoples), ethnicities are estimated at: Native Southsider (including, but not limited to, D4s)- 70%, Native Bogger- 15% , Native Polish/Chinese/other non-British immigrant- 15%
Among human-like populations, ethnicities are estimated at: Ordinary Northsider (most likely a knacker, skanger, or skobie, however unclassified at this point pending further research)- 40%, Knacker- 10% Skanger- 5% Skobie- 15% British- 25% Other- 5%
[edit] Languages
English:1% Irish: 2% Polish: 30% Chinese: 67% Constant Stream of multi-lingual but incessant shite: 100%
(Recently there was an exodus of Poles from Dublin, due to Ireland becoming a piece of shit again, however the Chinese decided to stay because they genuinely rike eet here. But mainly because they have to finish all their degrees in math.) It is also worth a mention that any distinguishable sounds that pass the lips of a Dubliner are to be immediatly disregarded as utter cock and the opposite of whatever they said is to be done the second they say the word "wha?" to indicate the end of a sentence. (Article 1.9.99 of the declaration of the People's Republic of Cork biiiiiiiyyyyyyy!!!)
[edit] Culture
Culture, This is dublin JAJAJJAJAJAJJAJAJA
This Heading has been nominated for deletion as it is miss leading. It is proposed to move this section to how Dubliners justify their big headedness and how they are all a bunch of langers
Dubliners are pleased to point out that Dublin has been the birthplace of William Butler Yeats, George Bernard Shaw, Samuel Beckett, Jonathan Swift, Oscar Wilde and Adolf Hitler- none of whom would point that out themselves.
“I would never point out that I'm from Dublin”
The only claim to "culture" that Dublin has is the recently erected spire. A homage to the drug-users! When asked what symbol would best represent Dublin, the people chose a syringe!
Dublin is generally the place it was over 9000 years ago. Middle aged men trying to fuck everyone over for money using their "business", and at the same time trying to convince everyone that they have the biggest dick. Their methods for doing so usually involve talking absolute crap, louder then anyone else can, so that people will eventually have the same opinion as them. Hence why the country is now poor again. Their belly's continue to increase in size due to the amount of Guinness they consume, and you can usually tell their success by how rounded and large it is. Most of them die from heart attacks at 65-70 upon where the families usually rejoice due to the abuse and beatings coming to an end. People usually attend the funeral to see if they can get in on the inheritance. Then life goes back to normal.
For modern Dublin culture see Boyzone.
[edit] Temple Bar
Temple Bar is the vomit capital of Europe and has more British stag night revellers per square peg than any other city. It got its name from Shirley Temple, a Birmingham goddess who lost her virginity to George Friedrich Handel in Burdocks chip shop in 1749. Temple Bar was popular with prostitutes until Irish independence was declared in 1922 and they all moved up to Kildare Street for the Prostitute's Parliament (aka Dail Eireann). Guinness is pumped in directly to Temple Bar by a huge pipeline from the brewery while excrement and vomit are pumped out along a massive sewer called the M50 as far as Tallaght, where it dramitacally improves the local smell and decor. Temple Bar was frequented by former Taoiseach Charles Haughey and his mistress Teasy Keane until a freak riding accident in the mid 1980s. Temple Bar is also a popular place for mugging and beating up tourists.
[edit] Twin City
In 1989, Dublin was pleased to accept the twinnig with Bunclody, a small but deadly town in Co. Wexford. Since that momentous occasion, Dublin has become a suburb of Bunclody, with over 660,000 people commuting every day to work in Laney Meats, the local meat factory. Do We Care. oooh gee man. We cant understand a word they fucking say.
