Dumbo the Elephant
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“Worst QB to ever play in a Super Bowl...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Dumbo
“NO, I AM.”
~ Rex Grossman on Above quote
“Is he a dumb elephant?”
~ Captain Obvious on Dumbo
“I DONT CARE IF IT'S A FLYING ELEPHANT, I WANT IT SHOT AND MOUNTED ON MY WALL!”
~ Walt disney on Making Dumbo
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[edit] Ronen TIMANI!! CUSON!!
Dumbo the Elephant (Born Charles C. Montgomery III in October of 1941) is a Walt Disney character famous for his witty (and sometimes vulgar) insults regarding race and/or sex. He is also known for his lack of respect for his elders and family members. He was once caught on tape calling his mother a "Dirty Kraut." This sparked tension between him and the German media eventually leading to his 5 attempted suicides. After years of therapy, though, Dumbo was able to get his life back on track and fulfill his dream, becoming a movie star. And Dumbo has the amazing ability to kill grues (though not of the Russian variety) He used to be drunk with his "little buddy" who was secretly an assassin trying to kill him.
[edit] Career
[edit] Silver Screen
Dumbo did not find theatrical success immediately. He found his first break when landing the starring role in the critically acclaimed bestiality film I Heart Huckabees. He then won "Best Pakaderm in a Lead Role" at the 253rd annual Academy Awards, but after calling Oprah Winfrey a "Porch Monkey" in his acceptance speech, he was booed off the stage and had his "Oscar" stripped from him by the Academy. After being voted Most Hateful Elephant Since Sally Struthers by Maxim Magazine, his fan base decreased drastically. Dumbo's film career never recovered from the negative press.
[edit] Post-Silver Screen
When Dumbo gave up on his acting career, he tried many different money-making schemes. Dumbo's odd-jobs included:
- Amateur Ball Washer
- Pornographic Film Castodian
- Starting Quarterback for the Oakland Raiders
None of the ventures were suited for Dumbo, though. Dumbo then decided to take another shot at fame.
[edit] Return to the Cinema
In 2009 a brand new Dumbo adventure will appear in cinemas. The title has not yet been named but some rumoured titles include:-
- Dildo: Dumbo's Saviour
- Bimbo
- Dumbo vs Bambi
- Dumbo Gets a Sex Change
- Dumbo and The Seven Lesbians
[edit] People Effected by Dumbo
Many people in the world are effected by Dumbo and his disease called dumboitis. This poor lad suffers from chronic dumboitis. As you can see, the effects of dumboitis are serious, because of the irregular ear growth. People with these large ears have been known to pick up XM radio.
[edit] Stand-Up Career
[edit] Dumbo's Epiphany
Dumbo had the idea to become a stand-up comedian when receiving exceptionally large amounts of laughter when delivering racial slurs to Eddie Murphy's less-successful (and more flamboyant) brother Charlie Murphy when attending a recording of Chappelle's Show: No Dave, No Ratings. Dumbo was banned from the studio, but Dumbo realized the potential his ability to degrade people based on uncontrollable circumstances gave to his career.
[edit] Success
Dumbo gained new-found popularity when participating in the Comedy Central Roast of Kobe Bryant. He made numerous comments regarding Bryant's involvement in the African American community and a large amount of comments regarding Bryant's alleged rape of an ugly whore. After the Roast, Dumbo appeared on many episodes of Premium Blend and Comedy Central Presents. When the producers noticed the elevated ratings when his stand-up was aired, NBC offered him a 5-hour special aired on every NBC-affiliated network. Since Dumbo was accostomed to 30 minute sets, he just repeated the "N Word" 3,340 times. The ratings were the largest in NBC history since the fat guy from NYPD Blue showed his repulsive back-side.
[edit] Legendary Status
Since the 5-hour special, Dumbo was given the Nobel Peace Prize for uniting the populus (excluding minorities) and increasing the Gross National Product by 1,000,000 percent. In 1980, Dumbo was voted Sexiest Pakaderm by Gentlemen's Quarterly.
[edit] Dumbo's Demise
At the height of his career, Dumbo was victim to an untimely death. While skiing in the San Francisco Alps, Dumbo hit a tree while attempting a 360 double back-flip. Although the collision was not fatal, Dumbo was misdiagnosed and treated for a serious infection. Being allergic to penicillin, Dumbo broke out with Vaginitis and turned into a giant vagina. Dumbo can now be seen roaming the earth as NFL Quarterback Rex Grossman.
