Netherlands
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| |||||
| Motto: "If it aint Dutch, it aint Much!" / "As a final touch, God created the Dutch!" | |||||
| Anthem: "Nederland is gewoon niet zo'n kutje als Amerika - klopt" | |||||
| |||||
| Capital | Madurodam (in the future after the dutch world domination plans: Maastricht by sea) | ||||
| Largest city | Madurodam | ||||
| Official languages | Netherlandish and Maroturkolish | ||||
| Government | Whoever isn't stoned | ||||
| Firelord | Peter R. De Vries | ||||
| National Hero(es) | marijuana, wooden shoes, HOLLANDO!,windmills, Rob Van der Ven, Joran van der Sloot Mythbuster and Your Mom | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | Declared independence after the Dutch Beer Riot of 500 A.D. | ||||
| Currency | The Nederlander Marcke/Weed in some areas, lupins | ||||
| Religion | Neo-Paganism | ||||
| Major exports | Whores, Ecstasy, Windmills and Wooden shoes. | ||||
| Major imports | Weed, Poles, Turks, Marijuana, pot, and some beer. | ||||
“My favourite bike shop!”
~ Adolf Hitler on The Netherlands
“There's two kinds of people I hate: those who are intolerant of others and the Dutch.”
~ Nigel Powers on The Netherlands
“Whats the Diffrence between England and America? Nothing!”
~ Captain off-topic on The Netherlands
The Netherlands is a fictional land from Peter Pan located in the far west of Europe. Despite countless attempts by Dutch nationalists to encourage home-grown culture, it remains a Germanic state and is home to a vast number of Nazi experiments gone terribly wrong, i.e. overgrown, arrogant, albino, mutant apes. The Netherlands is notable for being the first nation with a population sufficiently moronic to vote for Harry Potter as president and has been manufacturing wooden shoes and windmills for the world-market ever since the Dutch noticed they had ocean-front property, and realized that they could make money from it. T Dutch can be considered the most capitalist race in existance, often buying and selling anything: from weed to their own children. The Dutch themselves are also famous for making the Major Germanic Evolution of switching from Beer as their primary energy source to Marijuana.
[edit] History
Dutch history largely begins with the separation of Germany and Japan circa 500 A.D. This separation was sparked by the Dutch Beer Riot in which over half the Germans living in the Netherlands decided to call themselves Dutch instead of Deutsch. This name change was designed as a method to make themselves better beer brewers (since it was a known fact that all beer brewers brew better beer if they have a "u" or "ü" in their name), though it would take them another 400 years to realize that this in itself wasn't the only thing one needed to make beer - wheat and barley are also required. Even with these shortcomings, The Netherlands began to flourish as a beer capital of Europe.
It was this that caused the Dutch to invent the very first, Evil Corporation: Heineken. Under this license they began to buy out many of the smaller beer companies and forced many consumers to drink their beer because nothing else was available. This ironically pushed many of the Dutch in the latter part of their history to move onto something more readily available. Marijuana was perfect for this, since unlike beer it burned cleanly and was far stronger, in exchange however their Dutch mentality would rot further.
In the late 1600s the English across the Channel grew sick of the Dutch monopoly and began to convene "Councils of Evil" in order to crush them as they had begun to grow far beyond the Netherlands themselves (the Indonesian erwere all now forced to drink low-quality proletarian-made beer.) In a major reversal, however, it was eventually decided upon that the Dutch had better beer then the English. The English then declared commercial war, and crossed the Channel to steal every ounce of beer they could get their hands on. The Dutch eventually ended the war when they noticed that, unusually, their profits hadn't increased over 5000% in a single economic quarter. They gave the English free beer for two years as war reparations. It was because of this war and slight profit loss that the Dutch decided to invent capitalism.
The English were lost without a system of their own and so hired Karl Marx to create one; however, his creation - communism - was entirely too Red and full of proletarians, so they grudgingly accepted capitalism as their state -ism as well. (They would end this with the creation of the Welfare State in 1949 in order to once again smite their Dutch opponents, granted by this time the Dutch were so immersed in marijuana they didn't even notice.)
The Netherlands then sat back and made money for the next 300 years and even through WWI when their neighbor Germany tried to gain control of Dutch breweries so the beer could be used to increase the strength of their troops. The Dutch, meanwhile, were too pre-occupied selling beer to other countries that no longer had the German stock. (Including creating the new Dutch beer slogan: Dutch Owns Deutsch)
The Interwar Period was fueled by the prospects of Prohibition America and the Dutch quickly made connections with Al Capone in order to provide the Americans with crappy beer for a lot of money. It was around this time that marijuana was introduced into the Netherlands and changed the beer market forever, causing most Dutch to not "give a damn" about anything - this led to the downturn of Heineken. The Germans, sensing their weakness and still pissed off that the Dutch thought they had better beer, invaded The Netherlands along with Netherlands minor, once again forcing them to be Germans.
[edit] The Beer "V" Marijuana Wars
Once liberated, The Netherlands began the most lack-lustre period of their history: The Marijuana Wars. The newly-created NeuDutch Beer Ltd. versus the marijuana industry. However, since all those who used marijuana didn't care, the company didn't have much to fight and because of this more and more Dutch became users, until it reached its 86% peak level that it is today. The remaining 12% still drinks beer and the last 1% use prostitutes to get high, since most Dutch whores are often so full of marijuana and/or beer they intoxicate all those who are within 5 feet of them.
[edit] The People
The people of the Netherlands are known as the Dutch and are a very Germanic people with Germanic characteristics and German names. However, they refuse to be known as Germans, even though they display most of the common characteristics (they hate the French). They are said to be very tall with an average height of over 180cm for males, but such surveys were probably taken after wearing very thick-soled wooden shoes which can raise a person by as much as 8cm became a norm for them (and this even without the shoes being 8cm thick). The first Dutch actor appeard in Austin Powers: Goldmember, in which had his own main role, who was allowed to use his own name. He also used some Dutch in the English-speaking movie such as "faja","toyt" and "toyger".
Similar to the Germans, the Dutch are very studious and creative engineers. As much invention is driven by necessity, the Netherlands is the undisputed home of the penis pump which they have refined over several hundred years. It is no secret that Dutch men are very small in stature and do not technically have balls, but the ingenious and ever evolving penis pumps allow them to cope with their own shortcomings. The penis pump technology gave life to the expansive infrastructure of irrigation pumps and controls keeping this piss ant of a country on the globe.
The penis pump is not the only Dutch contribution to this fine world. As a testament to their overall gayness the Dutch have also bestowed on this ever grateful world the ass bead. Provided the fact that Dutch men lack the equipment to fulfill their gay desirements (even by supplement of the pennis pump), the ass beads provide a mechanism for the Dutch homos to service one another.
If it were not for American deployment to the Netherlands during World War II, the Netherlands may very well be a country of 80 year old ass packers. If the Dutch actually had balls and could marginally function like men then the American deployment may have not been required. The women which co-inhabited the Nethlands with the Dutch ass bead enthusiastic Males were jubial and inviting to the American force. The Americans replanted the country in every which way enriching the demographics with a proper gene pool. Currently the country is slightly better off because of the American contribution, but the Netherlands still is overgrown with egotistical watered down ex-german homos that live to form an ass bead daisey chain protesting for peace while (once again) Americans take on the fight against the world's Anti-Christ, terrorism.
[edit] Religion
Because the Limburgians are exterminating the Dutch and because of the giant immigration numbers almost every citizen of the Netherlands is Muslim. Except in Brabant were everybody is partying all day long!!
The Dutch themselves have for some reason or another fallen in love with the color orange, and make it a point to cover anything possible in that color (Traffic lights, Tanks, and foreigners.), you are often not considered dutch at all if you don't have at least 4 things in the color Orange on you at all times. The Dutch being the only Germans not to have embraced Red as the true color of a Reich. The Dutch are also unique out of all Germans in that their main energy source is not the blood of their enemies and beer, but Blood and Marijuana.
[edit] Transportation
The Dutch are very personal when it comes to riding bikes. Most of them ride around on the shittiest bikes, which are probably on average more than 30 years old. Apparently, the Dutch are so proud of their metal junk heaps, that these so called "bikes" actually outnumber the entire Dutch population by at least several times. This has been successful in discouraging obese American tourists for many reasons:
1. Let's be honest: Americans are fat. Try to get one on a rickety rusted contraption, and they can't go less than two feet before having a heart attack. 2. It's against their morals. We all know how Americans are extremely handy dandy when it comes to being self righteous. 3. How many Americans ride in cars, as opposed to bikes? They think that Centraal Station is 50 miles away from the nearest Heineken bar. 4. Its easy to tell the difference between an American and a Dutch person when a bike is involved, which is useful when hunting them down.
[edit] Geography
The Dutch unlike most other people in Europe are not happy unless they live in a very random and dangerous place on the European continent. This is accomplished by building massive dikes to hold back the North Sea - however, every few years the dikes are allowed collapse and kill off extra Dutch, ensuring an effective method of population control, as well as allowing the kiddies to have a swim every so often.
The Dutch who were once also known by the name: Dikes. This is apparent in the apparent know-how of every single Dutchman to build a dike in the most inconvenient of places with the most exotic of materials. Tic-Tacs and rubber bands are among the favorite, but gum and paperclips can also be used by a skillful Dutchman in a pinch. The most extraordinary material was the index finger of the boy Hans Brinkers. It is well known that the vast majority of Dutch Dikes in the Netherlands are constructed with either one set, or both of these materials.
[edit] Flevoland
While originally inhabited by the Atlanteans, the Dutch successfully pumped away enough water to form a land with at least the area of Spain. This now densely populated area counts over a staggering 370,656 inhabitants.
However, since its feature of being pumped out of the water, it would mean that if the Great Dyke would collapse, Flevoland would no longer be a province the size of Spain, but rather an outside swimming pool the size of Spain. The Flevolanders offer every week one of their first born virgins to the great Dyke, by binding them to a boat, and letting them float away. Most girls come back relatively intact, whereas some won't survive due to the vicious sweet water crocodiles who live there.
Tradition has it that during other days there is a boy with his finger in the Dyke.
[edit] Hollando
The Netherlands are also known as Hollando. The entire population of Holland (which consists of one man) has herpes. Hollando was originally named by the ripped explorer Adrian Kazakos (aka "KAZAKOS!" or "ZOOKOS!" or "Damn that guy is muscley").
Hollando's mum is know as the high drug lord of the Netherlands. Hollando himself is a national hero after he ate 473 hash cakes in 3 minutes. Hollando is made of cheese. Hollando's bestie is known as McLoving who he once tried to eat but spat him up soon after he realised he tasted like shit.
Hollando was once caught in the women's toilets by the infamous Alex Peel while hollando was wearing lipstick looking in the mirror and saying "Oh your a dirty, dirty girl..." The reasons for Alex Peel to be in the women's toilets is questionable.
Hollando's favorite passtime is going to his VET class which is multimedia-media and full of socially retarted nerds who don't know what the word turkfunglefasim means. Do you know what turkfunglefasim means? At VET Hollando likes to make posters and programs for musicals involving hookers and mass murderers. He must be EXTREME!
[edit] Major Cities
[edit] Maastricht
The grand city of Maastricht is filled with green fairies and old hairy men. And hills. Most specifically, the only hills in Holland are found here... These are only 2 meters tall at most. A great improvement nonetheless. Dutch are normally found skydiving in the hills and hitting each other on the arse with marihuana plants. Maastricht people celebrate the annual holiday "Carnaval" with lots of beer while dressed up as bananas, Germans and other relatively meaningless objects. Maastricht is the best city to live in.
Comment André Rieu on the flooding of the Netherlands: "We of the Mystical Baroque Groupe ain't gonna help those sons of bitches! I even would much rather be teabagged by some heavy n00b on Halo 3 than aiding those cheese-addicted bastards! Ze Germans seem to appreciate my flowery violin shizzle a lot more, anyway, so let them rot. Thus I have spoken! Now where's my wig?"
Another great thing about this scenario is that Maastricht will become famous for its ideal location near the sea. Amsterdam will turn into a combination of Atlantis and the game Bioshock. You will be able to do great diving excursions in the Stoner Sea. This will give a boost to the economy of the new eternal capital city of the Netherlands: Maastricht-At-Sea.
After the great flood Maastricht will create a major army of Jews, old men, stoned Belgian people, green radioactive monkeys, drunken people who call themselves Prince Carnaval, flying purple hippos, dogs dressed as Sarah Palin and Sarah Palin dressed as a dog. Their goal is to conquer Europe and establish the largest cannabis producing nation in the universe and beyond. This last idea is known all over the world as the Dutch World Domination Plans. The Imperial Dutch Military of the Empire of Maastricht have their base of operations located at the Sint-Maartenscollege at the Noormannensingel. The Imperial Maastricht Military also have the largest stocks of Weapons of Mass destruction and the most sophisticated military hardware in the world. These include the very sophisticated and destructive FAG bomb, Toilets-which-haven't-been-cleaned-after-3-farewell-concerts-of-Micheal-Jackson shells, Halo 3 n0013 nerve gas (also available as COD WoW and Modern Warfare 2 variant), André Hazes AKA alcoholics, zoervleisch which has been expired for about 3 years and André Rieu's wig.
Let us all hail the glorious future nation of Maastricht! Amvermreprèb!
[edit] Eijsden (fucking unimportant place near the glorious nation of Maastricht)
Although it is considered as a small, unimportant shithole, it is in fact a small communist country with a large amount of weapons of mass destruction. It is an ally of North Korea which makes them filthy commie terrorists who should be stoned to death.
For this small country there have been developed new spelling rules because according to the prime minister of Maastricht: You may not and will not spell this country with a CAPITAL letter, because it is actually a cancer to Maastricht.
This country is the only country in the world with no army at all. But the dictator of Eijsden has bought large amounts of green radioactive monkeys from Israel. Maastricht border guards claim to have seen an army of cows armed with AK-47s loaded with armour-piercing rounds and small fragments of Hank. Tensions between these countries increased ever since.
The war between Maastricht and eijsden is expected to begin after the release of windows 7.
Maastricht geologists have confirmed the existence of a large tunnel system underneath the farms in eijsden. This may be the proof of the existence of the hidden kingdom of European moles, also known as Mole City or Mole-topia. These animals are probably creating the 8th wonder of the world.
[edit] Mheer
This hole in the ground was created by toxicated wooden trees. The estimated amount of people who live in this hole is 3. Their houses are made of wet dirt, mainly farmed from their neighbours, the glorious village Sint Geertruid. The people who live in Mheer are mentally either physically retarded. They tend to terrorise Sint Geertruid. The scientists from Sint Geertruid estimate that the people from Mheer become extinct in 2010. They're fabricating a bomb, with methane gas, farmed from their own poo. When it's ready, probably just before they become extinct, they will commit suicide with it. That will be the end of Mheer City, the biggest metropool in the world, with its 3 citizens.
[edit] Leeuwarden
Pronounced as Lhehw-warden, this city contains the Dutch version of the Pisa Tower, known as Oldehove. The city is also the city where all the speeding tickets come from, therefore it is hated by the rest of the Netherlands.
[edit] Sint Geertruid
Sint Geertruid is 90% farm, 9% fertiliser and 1% gnome. The average income of the gnomes is about 0.004 US dollars/month, but they pay in cow's poo. The gnomes who live here have an average length of 2ft. This town was built by toxicated pink carrots. These gnomes still believe that pink carrots are gods, in their only real building, a 'church' of 10ft by 12ft - they pray to their god. Every year they cut off one of their fingers, to give it to their almighty god. Because of this tradition they have to commit suicide at the age of 10 (this depends on their gender though). Maybe that explains their maximum length? The scientists are not sure how these gnomes reproduce themselves, since they don't pass the age of 10. Maybe because of evolution, or the almighty pink carrot? Their national anthem is the following:
Bad luck! We cannot show this to you, because they can't read and write and we don't understand their language. But it sounds like.. AAAHHHHHH HAAAAZUUUUU AAAHH!!! (over and over again, with an extremely high voice). But they probably don't have a national anthem, the screaming might be them screaming when they cut one of their fingers off.
[edit] Heerlen
Heerlen is the place where you can get yourself sucked off for 5 dollah by faggots and 10 dollah by muslims. They are known for there addiction to junkies running all over the place. One of the major persons you will find in heerlen is Mr. R Putz. A citywide known homosexual that bends for any cock larger than 5 centimeters. We cannot tell you his first name out of security reasons but we can tell that it ends with ene, not to be confused with Eno(ste) the confused boy that got raped in his sleep while trying to get some balls.
The inhabitants of Heerlen are smaller than average, because their legs get amputated immediately after they're born. Scientists are still looking for reasons, we can't ask them because they have a huge accent, they can only talk to eachother, not with the rest of the world, because no one speaks their language. Recently they started a secret mission to try to teach someone their Heerlen language, ánd a normal language - which can be translated to english. Scientists hope this mission will succeed, but they're afraid it's impossible. Because previous subjects from these kind of missions committed suicide while learning this language. But íf they succeed they might be able to steal Heerlen's technology, they can make very ugly gray 'skyscrapers' (16m tall), and they're able to make pink fertiliser, very wanted by female and French farmers all over the world.
[edit] Gronsveld
This farmer's asshole is ruled by fat American immigrants. Gronsveld is famous because they have at least 3 McDonald's on every street corner, This may be the result of an evil plan formulated by the dictator of eijsden. So the people of Gronsveld will get very fat and die of hard diseases and Aids (which is spelled with a Capital letter).
The main hobby of the fat people of Gronsveld is deep frying everything they can see, including: beer cans, people with Aids, Mars bars, computer hard disks, children who where born in eijsden and Mexicans. Every year a lot of tourists come to see the fat people of Gronsveld getting out of bed and exercising to lose weight. This is very funny and will take approxemetly 2 hours.
Gronsveld, not Africa as is commonly supposed, has the largest concentration of people with Aids. 400 people with Aids / square kilometer. They are very proud with their current record.
The national anthem of Grondsveld consists 5 words. The 5 words are said repeatedly 150 times. The song has never been completly sang, because the people of Grondsveld get hungry every 50 seconds. So they stop singing and go to the McDonald's. The 5 words in the anthem are: McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut and Subway(with loads of mayonnaise and oil).
[edit] Meerssen
This dumping ground is made by garbage men. The profession of those people is 'searching for food', disassembling heaters, 'jumping off a 60 ft cliff', 'burning in hell' and beating Bert van Marwijk to death... Some of them think they are smart, but actually their intelligence quotient is similar to the IQ of a flowerpot. The best invention ever from the people of Meerssen, is metal toilet paper. You can buy this everywhere in Meerssen. If a child turns eighteen, they all go to the church to have their annual sexparty. They also have a monthly event, which includes running into brick walls and using nail mats as bouncers. They do this to improve the strength of their skulls, and to prepare for the loss of their virginity. But, most children are not virgins anymore, because Meerssen has the highest rate of childporn in the world. All the people from Meerssen have anorexia. Once a week they eat a screwdriver.
[edit] Valkenburg
The main economic income of Valkenburg is Christmas stuff. Every day they sell in marl pits the strangest things. They sell “elves substances”, cut off gnome legs(these legs are from the gnomes from Sint Geertruid), reindeer’s horns, flarfynid(we don’t now what flarfynid is, but they sell it.) and lots of other stuff. In 556 AD, there had been a war between the giants and the gnomes of Valkenburg. Unluckily, the gnomes lost the war, and were banned. The gnomes have a intelligence quotient of 102, the giants have a intelligence quotient we couldn’t measure, because they are too stupid. That explains why the giants of Valkenburg live in marl pits. Once a year there is the Amstel Gold Race. The finish is at the Cauberg, but the giants want to sell their Christmas stuff so gladly, that the other places in Limburg prefer the finish is in Rataje Slupskie (Poland). Every 31(!) June they have one minute to kill each other. “Happy” place, isn’t it?[
http://img23.imageshack.us/img23/4362/valkenburg003.th.jpg The Gnome castle ruined by giants after the great for the new Amstel Gold Race finish
[edit] Apeldoorn
What seems to be a little backwater town near the river Maas in the province of Gelderland is actually the capital of the world. It's the nerve centre of everything (even your mom) in the entire world. This is the place where major events like the bio-engeneering of Oscar Wilde took place and where the brain reactor is stored. Not many people know, but the Apeldoorn locals are often the first to tell you, that they are in control. Apeldoorn also created the Internets and everything cream filled.
~Advertisement~ For sale: A black Suzuki Swift cabrio, currently parked at "de Naald" in Apeldoorn. Nearly mint condition aside from a few slight dents. Previous owner no longer has use for it. Pricing: please inquire the Apeldoorn Police Department.
[edit] 's-Hertogenbosch (Den Bosch)
A secret playing ground for adult children, initiated by Duke Nukem.
[edit] Terneuzen
Terneuzen is the most important city of Holland. Weed and Drugs is the cities economy. Terneuzen is also know for 90% foreigner that came floating over the Westerschelde from Turkey and Morocco.
[edit] Amsterdam
“Oh well, fuck it.”
~ God
Known affectionately as the world's largest street corner (approximatically the corner of Invasion Route Eins, and Tulip road), Amsterdam has a long history of providing means to the Dutch of getting Drunk, high, stoned, smashed, wavered, or racially integrated (especially during ze German Occupation). To get an accurate idea of the services available]]: it would take even the toughest, most battle-hardened Dutchman over 400 years to smoke all the marihuana available on one Amsterdam square meter. There have been families that attempted this. Only one has ever gotten close, their end was particularly nasty.
Known for its professional football club Feyenoord, and its many new age retro hippies occupying every street corner of this very large street corner, playing bad stoner music (which nobody takes notice of because they're all just as high) while asking you and your mom for cash, so that they may buy more pot.
Amsterdam is also rather famous for being home to the "Wallen" (Black Rings Under Eyes, loosely translated). The Wallen is the very best Red Light District in man controlled universe (except maybe for Venus).
[edit] Schiermonnikoog
This small island is infact a city and has written history as the only island that has never been captured during the German Occupation. Together with the towns of Bovenkarspel and Wyrmbritseradiel it has been on the forefront of the 1943 rebellion where the Dutch midwives stood up against the German Occupiers and managed to push them back to the very heart of Dresden. This historical event led the Dutch to regain full control over their breweries. The defenses that kept this island as Holland's last bastion during the Occupation can still be marvelled at. Many Germans visit these sites during high summer, often praising the site by digging additional trenches on the beach.
[edit] The Hague
Named because it isn't just "a" Hague, but it is truly "The" Hague. The Hague is considered one of the few places on earth that is truly full of the letters:"ue" Being filled with Mosques, Morgues, rogues, and Frenchmen saying: Que? . It's also the home and political seat of Prime Minister Harry Potter, where he daily desides about what to wear to the mosque during the wizengamot. The Haque is frequeltly disturbed by the notorious death eater Gurt Wylders, whom seeks out huff random people with better haircuts then he does. Furthermore it's quite a idyllic town. You can't afford to live there because you're not a lawyer.
[edit] Annefrankhuis
The Dutch version of Disneyland (Complete with Capitalist world conquering overtones.) Annefrankhuis is known all over the world as the perfect spot to celebrate Christmas because there is a secret room behind the wardrobe where it is very cosy. You can also visit a little girl that few ever saw, and few have actually read about. German attendance has led it to being one of the largest and most profitable theme-parks in the world.
[edit] Brussels
Note that it is and always hasss. Brussels is known as one of the lowlier sides of the Netherlands, with few deals of any sort going on, it is known affectionately by those who live there as Neutralia. It is expected to be upgraded to the status of Dutch/German Military proving grounds in the near future. (Belgium and the Netherlands used to be one country ==> no joke)
[edit] Otherdam
Known as the other birthplace of That Other Guy Otherdam has long been the other place that The Dutch go to go do things other then what they do at home. Truly no Other place has so much to offer in terms of otherwise normal things. otherwise it is just another out of the way dam.
[edit] Sint-Oedenrode
It's believed that Sinterklaas was born here. In the late eighteenth century this was the place of the fight between the Uruk-Hai from Middle-Earth en de Clone troopers of Starwars. They fought over the right who got the presents first. Nobody won and a little boy named Henk got the first presents.
[edit] Groningen
Some place far away from Amsterdam. Or, at least, that's what the inhabitants of Amsterdam think. In Groningen you'll find some people who really can't be bothered to speak dutch. Instead, they speak grunnegers, which is actually fucked up German. It's under rule and governed by Janine, the Queen of Grunnegers, Princess Of Emosexuals, Front Female of the erotic rock band Good CumParty and the true and only... The Antibitch since she was interred after the Molleboon Wars took place in 1987. During these great wars the Army Of Assen, Commanded by The Antibitch, after being liberated from Friesland marched trough the canals on sinking gorilla's till all the Frysian Occupants fled of pure horror and power once again returned to the Grunnegers, crowning her as the one and true Queen. Also in Groningen, there is a sort of marihuana club what also is called the pride of the north. There are also different sorts gangs whom are making custom made shirts.
[edit] Hilversum
The center of Holland's propaganda machine. From here, all citizens are indoctrinated into trapping tourists for their money through well-placed 'documentaries' on TV, radio and the internet.
[edit] Bergen op Zoom
A municipality in the south of the Netherlands, mostly known for it's hennep plantations. Bergen op Zoom is one of the few cities in the Netherlands that still has Turks working on the plantations. Currently ruled by the evil Prince Nilles III and his second in command, de Gròòtste Boer.
[edit] Oss
A proud little city under communistic regime where the local industry hands out free candy preventing your daughter from having ugly ugly babies. Legend has it that early germanic settlers here couldn't pronounce "A" as in Apple.
[edit] Eindhoven
The only place in the world that can be seen from space because its so heavily lit. Philips broke the world record largest-lightbulb contest in 2006, and since that proud day not one person in Eindhoven managed to sleep. The radioactive bulb killed a few people. Eindhoven is also the home of PSV, the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th winner of the Intergalactic Soccer Cup For DemiGods (ISCDG(the competitions has been held 2times so far). It's also know as Eindhoven ROCKCITY, because of it's notorious underground music scene, including famous bands like herman's sandwich, peter pan speedhuffers and the butthole electricians. especially peter pan speedhuffers are notorious for bringing Fat Patrick along with their stage performances, causing mayor tremours and the rebuilding of the city, making it look suspicialliously new.
[edit] Shittard (Aka Sittard)
Suggested to be the Craddle of the European Race and Culture by Heinrich Schliesmann, Zecharia Sitchin and Homer Simpson. The City is now under control of Dr. Evil.Sittard also means Shit in Estonian. People often confuse the name Sittard with the actual name which has been based on some real english named Shittard. Shittard is a combination of 2 english words, Shit and Retarded. Shittard is the capital and holds the world known Fortuna Stadion. Which probably ends existing before 2012, due to under financing and Suicide terrorists hired by the jews.
[edit] Utrecht
Utrecht is the biggest city of the Netherlands. Nice to see in Utrecht is ' De Dom' it's a big mountain in the midlle of the city. Also nice to do is eating French Fries at 'Jopie's patatzaak'. The most intressing thing in the city is going to 'the christelijk gymnasium' that's a school for unwieldy children. On that school they learn to rule the world.
[edit] Dinther
Dinther is what the real dutch people believe the capital city of the Netherlands. There's drugs art and there are companies which make Microschof look like really small buisnisses.. Like Gri-Com for instance. Many things are named after this place like the dutch word for cheese which is "KAAS", it sounds like "Dinther". Even the queen is named after this place Queen Dinther from the netherlands.
[edit] Uden
Uden is a very happy place were everybody is stoned 24/7. That's it. Also, a muslim school got burned down by a few high school racists, but still the local high school isn,t burnt down. that makes a lot of people sad.
[edit] Boskoop
With ion. Opposite are about 100 milion plants, and about 100 places to buy weed. Boskoop is one of the places, still celebrating the stupid carnival-festival.
[edit] Frisia
Frisia is not exactly a city, it's more like a grassland and clay area of cows, grass and the occasional farmer. However, it used to be a huge expanse of territory ranging from Belgium to Denmark during the rule of Charlemagne. It had it's own laws on practically everything, but no one gave a shit, and preferred to bash in the skulls of annoying priests. It's not very large anymore though, and the people living there cannot quite cope with this, thus, they kept to talking some ancient language called Frisian, which no one can understand, nor do many people want to understand. Frisian is basically just English from the Middle Ages that forgot to adapt with the times, and thought adding a Dutch accent made it more modern. The only good thing about Frisia, besides the fact that usually, there are no people in miles around, so you can masturbate in a field whenever you want, is the fact that no one born and raised there gives a shit about anything. You could carpetbomb Europe, and they'll just go: "meh, could be worse." It's practically anarchy there, except without the annoying hippies.
[edit] Zoetermeer
Zoetermeer is actually the military training ground of the Dutch Elite Special Forces. This is smartly covered by bragging about their large number of sports clubs and facilities. The city hosts a ridiculous amount of train stations in a very strategic shape around the entire city. These are in fact underground nuclear bunkers providing shelter for the populace and housing for the Netherlands Elite Ninja Guitar Commando Units.
[edit] Emmen
Emmen is actually a piece of asteroid which crashed into holland from which life-forms emerged that swallow all E's when they talk, and are able of producing gigantic amounts of vegetables, all of which to sell to the French or the Germans. The life-forms have blendend into the rest of the Netherlands and are slowly taking over the country. The recent influx of Expats have slowed this infection considerably, because they are constantly shanking people that are infected. The remaining, Dull, Populace of Emmen thinks this is a crime influx, but actually, they are saving the country by killing Infected. Nobody sees that, which is why there are so many Expats in Jail in Holland. But Mainly Emmen.
[edit] Venlo
Venlo is the Ubercoolest place in the Netherlands beecause there are over 9000 places to buy weed and sort.And there are hookers on every corner of the streets and most of the citizens are Turkish and Moroccan(or however you write it..) Those people like to bully the original people who founded Venlo by group-raping the women and beat the men up. There are no schools in Venlo. P.S. Venlo actually stinks like rotten pig corpses
[edit] Stompwijk
The three farms that together form the village of Stompwijk, are famous for absolutely nothing at all, except for being a nice space filler in the Green Heart of the Netherlands as well as the biggest open air prison in the world. Stompwijk is often referred to as "Stomwijk" (Dumbville). The only person who voluntarely lives there, is John Doe, a garden gnome, who terrorises the small village every thursday. All other human inhabitants (24 to be exactly) are criminals who are sentenced to death by boredom. The population of Stompwijk varies in size, at the moment, Stompwijk has 25 human inhabitants and over 300 cows, while during the World War I (video game) the village was a ghost village.
[edit] Ede
They're suppose to have the best cinema in holland, but then WHY THE HELL DON'T THEY SELL POPCORN!!!
[edit] Oegstgeest
(Pronounced; Ugstgeyst) People who have made enough money in the international cannabis-circuit get to live in Oegstgeest. A long time ago, tall gnomes invaded Oegstgeest and started hunting the unicorns and lions that habited this place. When there weren't enough unicorns left to feed the large population of gnomes and they were threatened with extinction, the gnomes found the infinite source of weed, the holy grail (King Arthur tried to find this one his entire life, but was set up and took a golden cup back to his castle). Since then, Oegstgeests' habitants are herbivores and live in harmony with nature, constantly being stoned and chasing flying pink elephants.
[edit] World Domination Plans
In August 1966, psychic and former mafia correspondent Luigi "Oh no, not again" Brachtzachztatchtull had a revelation that the Netherlands will take over the world. However, for decades, Brachtzachztatchtull's prophecy was disgregarded by other prophets as an elaborate hoax designed to brew anti-Dutch sentiments among Chilean penguins. It was not until July 17, 2006, that Brachtzachztatchtull's prophecy was comfirmed to be fact true by the Netherlands' prime minister, Jan Potter Balkenende. In the official press statement, Balkenende declared, "we, the Netherlands, in fact do have plans for world domination, and all those other countries don't stand a chance." The world domination plans have not fully been put into action yet, but are scheduled to start in June 2009. By December 12, the Netherlands plan to control every corner of the world. Including Antarctica.
The new empire will be called The Netherlandss, with the additional S to distinguish it from the former country. Balkenende made a press statement on September 4 concerning the outline for world domiantion plans, and the structure of the new government. Balkenende stated that all this information is "strictly top secret and classified." He subsequtnly issued another press statement on September 5, which simply says, "Oops."
The great minds of Appeltern in coorperation with Oscar Wilde, master Chief, Chuck Norris, Hans Teeuwen and Shigeru Miyamoto, are as we speak thinking of a plan to stop Luigi "Oh no, not again" Brachtzachztatchtull and Jan Potter Balkenende. Appeltern: "We whish to appologize for the inconvenience, this whole situation went unnoticed by us, for we were busy constructing and installing the Presidentionator 2000 mk2 (aka Barak Obama), don't worry, we'll take care of it!" After this communications seized, but experts believe the solution has something to do with the internets, oscar wilde and cream filled scones. Also the Royal Dutch Marine Corps has been training with the English Royal Marines, the Norwegian Vikings and the Irish. Stealing tactics, and sleeping with their wives to breed Dutch patriotism into the English and Norwegian population. The many nude jokes on Monty Pythons' The Dutch Are Taking over the World are an excelent example of how the cunning Dutch people redirect the English culture into a drugloving, and beer-drinking society. Obviously with help from the Irish, who drink as much themselves. The tactics of the Royal Dutch Marine Corps extend from shooting people who can be seen (english sniper tactics), up to blowing up who cannot be seen. This tactic leaves the English guerillas defenseless, as they are very good at hiding because of Scottish Import Ghillie Suits, and thus get blown op. This is how the Dutch won several wars against England, including in 1665, 1665 part II, 1666, 1667, 1668, 1670, 1760 and the Gothic War.
[edit] See also:
- Deutch
- The Dutch
- Belgium - has Dutch speaking peoples.
- Luxembourg - Those bastards who stole our flag!
- Suriname - The "other" Vietnam.
- The Driving Dutchman
- Beer
- Marijuana
- Germany
- Albert Heijn
- The Antibitch
- Stompwijk
- Michiel Moes
| This Deutschland-related article appears to be lacking in efficiency. Its creator (who is probably Black, Jewish, or homosexual) will be eliminated. Zerstören Sie! |
| Northern Europe | Channel Islands · Denmark · Estonia · Faroe Islands · Finland · Guernsey · Iceland · Ireland · Isle of Man · Latvia · Lithuania · Norway · Old Jersey · Sealand · Svalbard · Sweden · United Kingdom | 
|
| Western Europe | Austria · Belgium · Corsica · France · Germany · Liechtenstein · Luxembourg · Monaco · Netherlands · Switzerland | |
| Eastern Europe | Belarus · Bulgaria · Czech Republic · Hungary · Moldova · Poland · Romania · Russia · Slovakia · Ukraine | |
| Southern Europe | Albania · Andorra · Balearic Islands · Bosnia and Herzegovina · Croatia · Cyprus · Gibraltar · Gozo · Greece · Italy · Kosovo · Macedonia · Madeira · Malta · Montenegro · Portugal · San Marino · Serbia · Sicily · Slovenia · Spain · Vatican City |
