Earth 2

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Black Jesus be down wit' dis sheeeet! Yo Yo Yo! Wut' it iz mutha fucka! Earth 2 iz like da bomb. Fo' shizzle my nizzle! So boi wut up? Y U B frontin? I'm down wit' Earth 2 like im down wit' da big G-man. U dig? If u aint I'll show U how my pimp hand is way strong. Kick yawl down 2 tha H-E-L-Lizzy. Best chickity-check yo self before you wiggity-wreck yo self, fool. Word. SOLID

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FNORD! This article is too close to the TRUTH! Citizens should begin to feel uneasy now, otherwise report for therapy. See more about Fnord.

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“In Soviet Russia, Earth 2 watches YOU”

~ Russian Reversal on Earth 2

Contents 1 History 2 Plotline 3 Cast 4 People who suck 5 AAAAAAAAA! 6 The Real villains 7 Evil Communist Cows from Space Invasion 8 Off the Air and Reruns 9 Ulysses Adair and Tourettes Guy get in a swearing match 10 Barney is the Antichrist!!!!!

[edit] History

Earth 2 is the direct consequence of another network using a D- rated TV show in the same timeslot as CBS's Walker Texas Ranger. It was born in 1995 and lived to the ripe old age of 1 before Samuel L. Jackson killed it with a plane full of motherfucking snakes.

[edit] Plotline

George W. Bush was huffing a grue when Optimus Prime killed the grue and forced everyone on Earth to mve to Pluto. Big Boss then killed everyone except for the eventual cast of characters and everyone who sucks. All of the survivors had to live on Pluto and rename it Earth 2. It was crawling with Grendlers (overgrown grues) and Terrians (Evil clones of Ass Man who huffed too many kittens). Everybody got addicted to kitten huffing and Chuck Norris then killed everybody and had Big Brother make sure nobody remembered or even cared about it from that day on.

[edit] Cast

Jesus

Ass Man

AAAAAAAAA! George W. Bush

Samuel L. Jackson

Mr. T

Everybody who has suffered the cruel fate of the CVP machine

[edit] People who suck

• You

• Your Mom

• George W. Bush

• Chuck Norris

• Allah

• Grue

• Barney the Dinosaur

• Oprah Winfrey

[edit] AAAAAAAAA!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AA

A

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[edit] The Real villains

This article is complete, irredeemable centrifuge. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, writes at the beard, and is an unfunny n00b. If you attempt to subvocalise this, you will most gently subvocalise Bat Fuck Insane yourself. Or the submitter will subvocalise your centrifuge!!!!!!

the Flying Spaghetti Monster was eaten by the characters to stop them from starving. After that, everybody became Bat Fuck Insane and did the Numa Numa dance.

[edit] Evil Communist Cows from Space Invasion

When the evil communist cows from space invaded Uncyclopedia in 1337, Chuck Norris and Big Boss forced the New World Order to stop making bullshit and start makng guns. The guns were just as crap and Big Boss could only kill Purple Gay Teletubby, also known as Tinky Winky, the adopted son of Barney and Spongebob. Chuck Norris killed Spongebob and Barney with it, and Mr. T beat Elmo to death with his bling, but it wasn't enough to kill the cow aliens, so Chuck Norris had to resort to his evil stare to kill them all.

[edit] Off the Air and Reruns

Racism Warning!This article might offend some minorities, but, alas, as they are not in majority, we follow the democratic tradition and will vote regarding the contents. Until then, neither Uncyclopedia nor the original author of this article condone racism in any form.

Late into the time of the Reagan Administration, the US armed forces had lost much of their offensive capabilities under a nuclear disarmament treaty with the Soviet Union. A new weapon of indiscriminant mass destruction was needed with which the United States could maintain world peace. The top arms scientists of the American navy responded, proposing a multi-billion dollar super soldier program entitled "Augmented Soldier Solution" or "Project A.S.S.", recently diagnosed with AIDS, authorised the project and granted its lead to Rear Admiral Bumm due to him having firsthand experience in dealing with soldiers whose asses had been mutilated or amputated due to injuries sustained during wartime.

Maintained in strict secrecy since its inception, Project A.S.S.'s purpose was to mechanically enhance a human specimen by surgically replacing his organic ass with an artificial one, complete with state-of-the-art weaponry, communications, life support and a personal planner. In light of these benefits, the American military could not have foreseen that its ranks would be bereft of personnel willing to submit themselves to the procedure. Clancy Brown, on the other hand, driven insane by the loss of his ass and now institutionalised, provided the ideal candidate. He would unwittingly become Project A.S.S.'s first real subject under an illegal military operation instigated by the corrupt Bumm.

Under the cover of night, US Special Forces drugged and abducted main character Clancy Brown whilst he slept in his cell and delivered his comatose form to the Pentagon. Here, a team of robotics engineers and surgeons set about creating a fusion of man and machine that would render Stephen Hawking obsolete. Then, when Robocop was finished, they began work on Brown.

The surgery did not proceed as intended and Clancy prematurely awoke as it neared completion. Initially in a state of delirium, he began abusing the surgeons in his vicinity, labelling them "a bunch of Schmucks." The head surgeon responded angrily, instructing Marvin to "Shut the hell up, you assless bastard!" Upon the utterance of these words, Marvin flew into a murderous rage and butchered the scientists who surrounded him. The Pentagon was placed on full-scale alert and Rear Admiral Bumm ordered military staff to intercept and neutralise Marvin. However, the soldiers were reluctant to engage such a formidable adversary and within minutes the Pentagon stank like shit and the show was gone off of the TV forever until a gay man named Michael Jackson, who could be Ape Shit Crazy decided it was to return, and so it did. It now poisons the bottom layers the discount rack at Movie Gallery.

[edit] Ulysses Adair and Tourettes Guy get in a swearing match

Tourettes Guy (Danny): FUCK YOU ASSHOLE I SAID I WANT BACON AND EGGS YOU TIT SUCKING FAGGOT

Uli:Your the FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU FICKING ASS

Tourette Guy: OH BOB SAGET!!!!!!!!1!! THIS GAY ROBOT BOY IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE

Uli: You are a FAT BITCH MOTHERFUCKING ASS BITCH YOU CUNTSUCKING PUSSYLICKING ASS RAPING FAGHOLE WHO SHITS IN YOUR MOMS CLITS

Tourettes Guy: PISS PISS PISS PISS ASS ASS SHIT ASS FUCK SHIT ASS CLIT FUCK SALT ASSHOLE SUCK MY HARD FAT COCK YOU SHIT EATING MOTHERFUCKER

Uli: (Inserts pirated songs into Danny's MP3 player)

Tourettes Guy: I hope this is the Puff Daddy version of the song... Not that Sting Peice of SHIT!!! BALLS!!! I PISSED!

Uli: It is the Sting version of this PIECE OF SHIT

Tourettes Guy: OH BOB SAGET YOU ASS FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK PISS ASS SHIT ASS ASS ASS ASS FUCK FUCK ASSHOLE FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER

Uli: FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKING BALLSUCKING ASS FAGGOT WHO SHITS ON YOUR OWN TITS AND YOU EAT YOUR CUM AND DRINK PISS LIKE A GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE COW SHIT LICKING MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU ARE A FUCKING HOMO FAGGOT AND YOU FUCK YOURSELF

Tourettes Guy:FUCK YOU TITTY SUCKING ONE BALLED BITCH WITH A FAT GREEN CLIT. MY BIG CONHOTO BITCH. OH SHIT, FUCKING ASS LICKING PISS SUCKING CUNT THESE NUTS IN YOUR ASS KENTUCKY FRIED KUNG PAO CLITS SAGGY TITS BETWEEN YOUR FAT CRUSTY ARMPITS BIG ASS PUSSY FUCK SHIT COCK DICK CUNT TIT BARF PISS BALLS ASS PECKER QUIEF OH SHIT FUCK BITCH DAMN FUCKING DIARRHEA SLUT WITH HIV.

Uli:I DONT GIVE A FUCK

Tourettes Guy:Fuck you PUNK ASS BITCH FUCK YOU PUNK ASS BITCH CUNT. FUCK. SHIT. BITCH TIT ASS ASS ASS

[edit] Barney is the Antichrist!!!!!

Barney is the only character to die in every episode because he sucks, but the sick truth about this gay dinosaur has become evident. Noted historians and conspiracy theorists believe that Barney the Dinosaur is in fact the Anti-Christ spoken of in the Bible (Revelation 13:18 - "This calls for wisdom: let him who has understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man, its number is six hundred and sixty six")

This can be proved using the following simple logic: When the verse in Revelation was written, Latin was the dominant language. The Roman alphabet contained also the Roman numerals for the time. The letter equivalents are: I = 1 V = 5 X = 10 L = 50 C = 100 D = 500 M = 1000

"Barney the Dinosaur" = "Cute Purple Dinosaur". Latin did not have a "u", instead the letter "v" is used. This now becomes: "CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR" .... dropping non-numbered letters, we are left with: "CV V L DI V" This is the equivalent of 100 + 5 + 5 + 50 + 500 + 1 + 5 = 666 Irrefutable proof that Barney the Dinosaur is the Anti-Christ!!

This article is likely to be eaten by a grue. I suggest you run like hell or cast Frotz before it eats you too.