Eastern Orthodoxy
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Eastern Orthodoxy (pronunciation unknown; see below) is one of the six of one or half-dozen of another Major World Faiths. Or at least it would be, if it actually existed.
The rumors of its existence date back to the beginning of the so-called "World Wide Web." Current investigations (cite requested) suggest that the www itself is a hoax, including the corollary belief that the www will soon be available on computers, too. Regardless, the hoax was revealed upon the last Saint Aprille of Foole Day, April 14th on the Olde Calendarr. Since Saint Aprille is known to be a true Eastern Orthodox saint, albeit living, the truth of the above revelation is straight from the source.
[edit] Origin of the Hoax
It is now known that the hoax was foisted upon an unsuspecting religious public by the Graeco-Roman Invasion band, Ten Fifty-Four. Inspired by the success of Pyramidology, the band leader, Photius, announced to his crew that the American public would believe anything, and that he would now prove it. Somehow half his crew managed to be skeptical at the time. Perhaps the fact that they had lived in the United States of America fewer than two weeks accounts for this fact.
[edit] "Theology"
The first hurdle in making the invention plausible as reality to even an American audience was to develop a distinguishing set of beliefs. At first, all major Roman Catholic beliefs and related practices were incorporated into an early draft. In early discussions, however, maintaining this was rejected as too transparent. A handful of subtle distinguishing details were developed to distinguish the invented religion from the original. These included the assertion that the Bishop of Rome, the Pope, although still considered infallible in faith and morals, was not indefectible, was damnable as a heretic, and so anathema to the "True Christian Faith" that continuing to follow him as a Roman Catholic was itself damnable.
To make the hoax convincing, a special version of Christian Cross was developed. The first draft was a traditional cross with a slash-out mark over it. This just looked silly, though. The angle was reversed so that it now had a slightly creepy, ominous look.
Since questions would inevitably crop up, making the continuation of the hoax difficult, if not impossible, an ancient pseudo-heresy was developed, featuring the idea that Jesus did not really suffer in the crucifixion. The idea was that the "Eastern Cross" symbolized the rejection of that notion. The slanted line near the bottom of the vertical line was defined as the foot bar with each foot nailed separately, according to (invented) Eastern Orthodox "tradition" and the idea was that the pain was so intense. In case the hoaxers were unable to sell this "interpretation" and had to back-pedal, an alternative "explanation" was handy.
Maybe Jesus just figured he had nothing else to do before his death and resurrection, and decided to get some exercise in.
It took several years but the tireless promotion of the hoax resulted in several million people being tricked into thinking that they belonged to the Eastern Orthodox Church, separated into various National Churches, such as Greek, Russian, Serbian, and so on. Actually, they are really just Roman Catholics of different (Oriental) rites. Just go out and ask the average person on the street.
At least in America. (Dontja' know?)
