Ed Boon

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One lucky photographer managed to snap a crappy picture right before his unfortunate death.

[edit] The Myth

Ed Boon is a mythological creature said to have created the popular video game series Mortal Kombat. Boon is an ageless entity spawned deep within the bowels of CandyLand during the "Year of the Bloody Rainbow." Eventually growing bored of the candy coated mountaintops, he decided to embark on an unholy journey: He would feed his desire for destruction and conquer faraway civilizations.

The first stop on his rampage was the country of Ægyptüs. Ægyptüs was conquered easily through the use of a knock-knock joke. The Ægyptüsians, lacking doors, were driven completely insane by the knocking sound and committed a very elaborate form of suicide involving half-eaten camels. Proving to be of little challenge, he wandered the globe, destroying various civilizations and creating new ones along the way. Some Boon-induced civilizations include, but are not limited to: Hippies, Kittens, Greeks, Mayans, Egyptians, (he simply renamed the Ægyptüsians because he couldn't pronounce it) Yugoslavians and Toys Я Us.

After thousands of years of destruction, Boon decided to settle down for a while and watch humanity stew. He absorbed the immortal soul of the first man he came across. Ed Boon would continue living among the human race as John Tobias.

[edit] The Beginning

The dark embrace that transported Boon to the past.

In the year XXXX (exty-ex exty-ex), Tobias Boon was relaxing at his favorite bar, the Pitbull and Hammer, when Cthulhu appeared before him in a flash of raw majesty. The dark lord struck a deal with Boon. He would be sent back in time to create the greatest video game of ever, so Cthulhu had something to do while he wasn't consuming the living. Boon was hesitant at first, until Cthulhu threatened to banish him to the depths of the S.A.N.R.I.O. empire. So it happened that Boon shed his former life as a peaceful human. Cthulhu then wrapped him in a blanket of dark majesty and transported him back into the twentieth century.

[edit] The Legend

Legend has it that Boon infiltrated the ranks of Midway and managed to secure himself a job. After taking over the company through brute force, he forced his new worker-slaves to create a video game that would soon be known as Mortal Kombat. No one knows exactly what happened after that, however, there is a rumor. Boon would often test his servants by firing a Super Ultra Mega Spear™ from the palm of his hand directly at them and any who flinched were killed instantly. In his final act of treachery, he targeted a man he found somehow familiar. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but decided to fire anyway; he would find out later. At the last instant, he realized where he had seen the man before, it was John Tobais, his alter ego! Too late to correct his mistake, Ed Boon speared Ed Boon. Boon fell to a heap on the ground, causing Boon to poof into nonexistenceness.

[edit] The Aftermath

Boon preparing to annihilate a poor cameraman... :(

Work continued on Mortal Kombat, despite their master's absence, through sheer dedication. When the game was finally finished, a super secret kharakter known as Scorpion was created in their master's likeness. Unfortunately, there was a bug in the system and he is only capable of speaking a few phrases, scarring him for life.

“Sad face...”

~ Ed Boon on spearing himself

“Get over here!!!”

~ Scorpion on everything else

[edit] Trivia

OMGWTFBBQ?!? Who's this guy and how did he get here?

• Has been sued by several of the Mortal Kombat ninjas for stealing their look.
  • The lawsuits were always denied because of Ed Boon's current nonexistenceness.
• Ed Boon's true form has been described as one of or even all of the following:
  • Cyberdemon
  • A slab of pork
  • Batman
  • Megaman
  • John Tobias
  • Scorpion, though this is highly unlikely
  • Lassie
  • Я
  • A small aquatic mammal
  • Luigi
  • Ed Boon
  • A Vampire
  • Chuck Norris
  • Oscar Wilde
  • A running joke
  • Absolutely no one at all Ed Boon

[edit] See also

• Mortal Kombat
• List of Mortal Kombat Kharakters
• Mortal Kombat II
• Cthulhu
• Myth
• OMGWTFBBQ
• Hello Kitty
• List of countries

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