Edmondsham
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“Ah, Edmondsham. I stayed there once. They have the politiest vagabonds I have ever seen.”
Discovered by a band of Ukrainian travellers in 1396 searching for a corner shop to purchase a pack of fruit gums and some matches.
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[edit] Where is it?
Edmondsham is the third largest town in Dorset. Twinned with Sunderland, it is situated somewhere between Anchorage and Bournemouth, it is entirely landlocked, apart from the River Atthebottomoftheroad. This river supplies the town with a number of supplies. These trade routes were initially established during the messy rivalry with Manchester, after the Northern town stole ownership of famous British ensemble 911, whose open auditions were held in the Great Edmondsham Hall. The town has a population around 46,000, most of which are related.
[edit] The Inhabitants
Edmondsham's inhabitants are ordinarily a friendly bunch. They are known to congrate on at least 17 days of the year to celebrate the presence of the town itself, and on another 9 days to mourn the tragic loss of Rick Astley, who once visited the town, but died in a tragic blimp accident in 2047. However, the town does not always have such a warm, fuzzy outlook on life. If, for example, you happen to be in town on the 16th November, you would find yourself in a bleak desolate ghost town as the Edmondshites endure a 3 day fast in honour of the disappearance of Edmondsham's favourite son, Donny Matteson, who seemingly gave his life defeating the giant Platypus which found its way up the town's river in 2108. Most inhabitants make a living from the land, but as there is little cash to be found there, the population have a wide range of occupations.
[edit] The Boxing Day Tsunami
The town courted controversy following the Boxing Day Tsunami by claiming to be one of the worst affected towns following the disaster. Looking to take advantage of the outpouring of grief, the town disguised itself as a small Sri Lankan village. Hoping that the world's shock would be such that they would not notice the difference, the village managed to receive over £140million of relief before being found out. A 276 year old statute in international law, suggesting that Edmondsham was infact in South East Asia, meant that the town was free to keep the money.
[edit] The Christmas Debacle.
Between 2027 and 2034, following a series of shocking Christmas Number Ones, including two in 2028 and 2033 from Cliff Richard, the town saw fit to declare the UK Pop Charts null and void, giving rise to the Edmondsham pop charts. However, Christmas 2034 saw the end of these charts following the disagreement between rivals the Cheeky Girls and U2, who eventually came to blows after the cutting insults made about Bono's intentions for seeking an end to world debt and his shares in numerous African casinos.
[edit] Olympic Success.
Edmondsham has provided a number of Olympic participants. Three of the United Kingdom's bobsleigh team in the 1948 Winter Olympics, in addition to the designer of the new Olympic Stadium in Montevideo for the next Summer Olympics. Similarly, the winner of the Gold at the 1992 Olympics in doubles squash, Charlie Wall, had links to the town.
