Edmonton Oilers

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The Edmonton Oilers are a hockey team in the NHL. They are located somewhere in Canada, probably Nunavut. They are well known for once having the Great one on their team. Their dynasty years lasted about 37 years with their dominance over lord Stanley's cup. The oilers are well known for trading off some of the greatest players in the league. Peter Po... I mean HWMNBNIESHATWG traded the Great one and Kevin Lo.. HWMNBNIESHATRS Traded Ryan Smyth.. The Bastard.

History[edit]

Early years[edit]

At one point, in the the early 13th century, the Oilers were the greatest pwnsauce team in the NHL, having the Great One, Mr. T, Optimus Prime and Mr. Christie as forwards with good ol' Santa in net. They won the cup so many times they had to rename their stadium 3 times so they wouldn't scare the poop out of other people. The high lite of their dynasty was the game vs Don Cherry, Rudolph, Hitler, Stalin and Some French guy of the Montreal Habs? The game was so intense that everybody but the players exploded due to the sure awesomeness of The Great one and Don Cherry, Hitler died though. 2 weeks late HWMNPNIESHATRS traded the Great One cause he was about to asplode and couldn't afford treatment so he traded for the money (Which ended up being 5$) and thus came the end of Edmonton's tyrannic rule of the NHL.

After The Trade[edit]

After the trade well.. the Oilers sucked. Santa quit, Optimus flew off and Mr T.. well was Mr T. They lost every game, yet they still weren't as bad a the Los Angeles Kings who managed to score negative points. Things looked bleak for the once mighty club. Riddled with injury's and weak players, the club was about to die... until the coming of Ryan Smyth

Smyth's years[edit]

Though they never won the cup they came awfully close in 2006. Smyth became the new great one for the oil, though not as great he was still above average. He played his best and even though goal tending kinda sucked (I.E. Tommy Salo accepted bribes from them Russians.)they still won some games. Everything seamed to be going great for them. Everything was building up but then another trade. HWMNPNIESHATRS traded Smyth away to some other team (In New York) and thus killed Edmonton again.


Smyth uses his psychic powers to save the oilers yet again.

After the Trade... Again[edit]

The Oilers went back to sucking, they sucked so much Edmonton fans started to cheer for Calgary. Yeah I know.. boo hoo. Well some hope came when we got.. wait nope. we're still ashamed. Very, very ashamed. Like, we pay people to come see our games. But not like Vancouver. Cause actually, the suck. Like really bad. Like people die because they're on that team. It's suicide.

Andrew Cogliano?? WTF[edit]

According to Wikipedia He scored three consecutive overtime goals. But what you don't know that it was actually Jesus, zombie Jesus, and Barney. Yeah, he paid them all off to do it to get into the hall of fame. The bastard

Like 20 I think games before the 2007-08 playoffs[edit]

Well, MacT finally decided to "injure" Souray, Whorecough and Moreau and then suddenly the oil had sparked. (But not in a barrel cause then they'd esplode.) Well, they stopped sucking (Kinda, Rolie still blows though) At the trade deadline, unbeknownst to the NHL, MacT had created a team of super robots! Kinda like the Transformers but Optimus Primes was all like ABUH? So nobody said anything. Well yeah, they were winning and stuff but like what's going to happen next?

Well what happened next was... They almost made a playoff run! Jk. We sucked. We lost to Calgary and got buttraped by Foresburger! What the hell! Oh well, at least we knocked off the Cuntnucks. Hahahaha Go cry and maybe Luongo will catch your tears. Oh wait he wont. Hahahahahah. HAHAHA HAH HAha. HAHa!!11oneoenone. That's sooo funny. Hah. Lol. Are you the same one that polluted the Canucks page with your bad grammar?

The shootout[edit]

Once again the League giving Edmonton some hope. Thanks to Edmonton adding Sam Gamgee (Who we'll probably trade to the Canucks) the pro shootout rookie, Edmonton started winning again. Tanking until they made it to shoot out and then they'd unload and pwn. Noticeable, Shawn Whoreccough stopped sucking and actually got good. However, how many playoff games have been decided by a shootout? That's right, none. Even if you sneak into 8th spot with 30 shootout wins, you're still going to get your ass kicked by whoever the hell you play (unless it's Detroit, who would decide to play golf early just for the fact they get pwnd by Edmonton when it matters). Besides, it took you guys like 189 tries to beat the Stars' record we made in 13 games. Jokinen (now known as Brad Richbeiro) and Turco = rad. But then again, we bat Detroit and you didn't. It's kinda like Pokemon with the elements and stuff. Yeah, kinda like that. Yeah well stop bitching. >.<

Ales Hempsky[edit]

Hempsky was one of the dominant reasons the Oilers had a good shootout record. Yet this is not the only secret he hides. It seems that he dances on the ice like he is on Hemp. This is deducted to be caused by two former Oilers. They are Jarret 'I' Stoll Rachel Hunter and Raffi 'I'm the only Mexican in the NHL' Torres.

Sam Gamgee[edit]

Oddly enough the embodiment of Sam Gamgee from Lord of the Rings has appeared in the 23rd century, and is now Sam Gagner, yet he looks like Frodo. His signature move in the shootout is to deke 10 times, thus dropping his pants and blinding the goalie with his Sailor Moon underpants. This leaves the goalie extremely vulnerable for a goal, unless of course your name is Roberto Luongoal (Even though Luongo is a joke in the shootout.) Gosh Sam Gagner is cute...

Mathieu Goooron[edit]

Not much is known about this goalie, other than that he is French and Canadian. Since he's both, he must be good at hockey, eh? He also has an infinite different ways to pronounce his last name.. Gooron.. Gaaron.. Godron... BUT THEN HE WAS TRADED FOR......

GORDON FREEMAN!

Records![edit]

  • Own the best record in an NHL season
  • Own the worst record in an NHL season
  • Own the best and worst record in an NHL season
  • Had the Great one
  • ... The great one!
  • T3h gr473 1!
  • t3h gr493 1?
  • The grape one? The hell?
  • Cheated 5 times.
  • Bribed 30 reffs.
  • Had a dynasty.

Standings[edit]