Education of Malaysia

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This is because there is no word for "parody" in Malay.
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Schools in Malaysia educate the children primarily about the smatijove, and also to become high achievers; eg. to be able to create the HIGHEST pile of pirated VCDs, the LONGEST line of cows, or even the BIGGEST Ramly burger. To achieve the best of the best results, school children are made to carry huge bags containing heavy books and other heavy items every day to school. This builds up their back muscles and backbone so that they will not only look great, but also have an excellent overall support of the body. If you disagree with this, you are not patriotic! Students have to wake up at 6am everyday, wear ONLY white uniforms to school like a funeral, carrying their hundred pound bag to school(especially those from chinese school, malay school are lazy they didn't need any book at all) If you do not tuck in your shirt, you will spend a lot of time running away from teachers to avoid getting caught. Your bag must be over 15 kilos, if not, you will be labelled as stupid and lazy. Oh, and carry it on one strap (a must). Name tags are used in school so the air-headed teachers don't acuatly have to memorize your name by heart.

The teachers in High School have total control of you. They can whip, rotan, and smack you like there's no tomorrow when you did something stupid like forgetting to bring your name tag. No, you cannot sue a teacher because your parents will always support your teacher. The education system will at one point stream the children according to what theyre good at. Children who are weird or nerdy will be streamed towards science, while those who are not nerdy enough and are actually normal will be streamed to the arts. Those who are only good at sports... well, who cares about them. As you can see, the Malaysian education system is kind enough to dictate your future for you. Where else there will be some cases where you see non-bumi people getting 7A's for their SPM finally working as pirated vcd sellers & the so called bumi people getting their chances to go study overseas with their single A's.

Learning about IT is fun in Malaysia. In a normal statement of networking such as "server serving clients which have joysticks connected" can easily be understood as "Pelayan melayan pelanggan yang mempunyai kayu keseronokan yang disambung" (The server is serving her clients who have "joy" sticks connected). To increase IT awareness, a song was created that went 'sukkaaaa IT... cintaaaa IT... kenallll IT... ohhhh IT'. This is a FIRST for any nation in the world and will be put in the Malaysia Book of Records! Malaysia Boleh!

Their prime-minister is a leading character in miss world every year. His daughter is not allowed to compete, though she is a beautiful bitch named ahmed boleh-boleh kepap. Also called hari-hari teh. Examinations are widely ignored in Malaysia, with the teachers given autonomy to teach however and whatever they like. Popular classes (because yes, Malaysians are given a choice of classes from kindergarten onwards) include Lepak 101 and Seduction 69. It is an unheard of feat for one to score straight As in one's exams; indeed, students who accomplish such a feat frequently commit suicide. If you are a gangster and you feel like hitting 10 people a day in Malaysia, become a teacher, because you can always hit anyone and blame it's what you need to do to prevent the student from doing the wrong thing. But beware, Students in malaysia are actually stronger than the teacher, cuz, after they get hit, they probably go and take some drugs in the toilet, and go back to the teacher's office and stab the teacher with a pair of scissors (I am not kidding).

After School Tuition is a must, all Malaysian students must go to tuition classes to get the latest tips (scoring 100 points). Most tuition teachers can provide students with good tips(This is how the tuition teacher earn their money). These tuitions are cheap too, nearly RM300 per 16 hours. Perperisaan Mentega Rendah - PMR is basically 90% objective (multiple choices), namely A,B,C,D. If you do the maths, can't fail it.Well if you do, u are the stupidest dumbass on earth..and seriously the subject BM is really hard tht if u gt an a u shud consider going to phD in a profession that is very hard to be pronounced Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia - SPM is the easiest examination in the world where people get strings and strings of A1s.Every year the students take up more and more subjects to beat the records of previous top year students.The best record for now is 59 A1s which is earned by Gabriel Lai.

Cellphones in School[edit]

Talking about cellphones, Malaysia is the one and only country where the minister initially suggested cellphones to be allowed in school with all his positive reasons and in just a few days changed his mind to "SAY NO TO CELLPHONES IN SCHOOL!" Some of the reasons why cellphones are banned is because the teachers are worried that when they expose too much cleavage, the students would quickly take a shot and report it. Also prevents students from sending crude messages and disturbing pictures to each other when they are dieing of boredom when finishing their test paper too early and have another 2 hours to wait.

URM (Universiti Rasuah Malaysia)[edit]

Due to high demands, a new campus at Kuala Lumpur is now open. Required education for Datuks, Tan Sris, YB's, etc., both current and future. Courses available are:

  1. Foundation study of Rasuah - well, it only takes a year to build up some basic skills (ie: apple-polishing, bargaining with police, playing golf with big people, and many more), this course will be conducted in Rojak-language (more practical) and we have experts to guide you.
  2. Datukship - We teach you the methods to becoming a Datuk, Tan Sri, etc. You need a semester for this lah.
  3. Making a fortune - We teach you 'government connection', 3 semesters needed and will be guided by ex-politicians/ex-businessmen (senior), to help you make a fortune in Malaysia.
  4. Foundation of Raping - Only MALAY can enter this course. We will teach you about Haruan fishing: how to open the pussy of your new born baby daughter. We will also teach u the NEVER GIVE UP mentality, u can continue to rape after being released from jail.
  5. Foundation of Material Inspection - The one and only course which offer close one eye inspection skill on buildings and amenities. Sign of a successful inspection are leakage, collapsing structures, mess up wires, etc...
  6. Certificate in Smartijove studies - Apply early as this space is quickily filled up. Quota 99% MALAYS 1% non-malays and other indegeneous people.
  7. Diploma in Racism-The only professor who got it is Babi Hamaludin and nazi ass-is. You will be taught how to fuck off the Chinese and Indians
  8. Master in Vellulogy-The lecturer, Smell-me Value will always teach you that everything is in the 'hand of god' but his language sucks!
  9. Bachelor of Engineering in Throwing People Out Of Window Engineering - Special Training will be provided by MACC, including skills, techniques, art of throwing, and of course, tips and cheats. Dildo's provided for pleasure.
  10. Ph. D in Mahathirism & Melayuism - Doing researches about money politics, Ketuanan Melayu, pendatangism, melayuism, dictatorshipism.

For more information,please call Kerishamuddin through mail to Kementerian Sex Malaysia or 012-5555555(sounds like fuckfuckfuckfuck )

IPTA (Public University)[edit]

Malaysia is the only weird and Boleh country which the selection of entering these public or government university is based on race not on result. If you are Malay and get score 'C' don't worry you still able to enter the Public University easily, however if you are not Malay but score good result(B and above) then get lost. The quota for IPTA or the public/government university in Malaysia is based on race, Malay 70%(wtf but the population of Malay in Bolehland is just 60%!), Chinese 17%, Indian 8% and 5% for Orang Asli, Kadazan, Iban or Mangali. Another funny education system in Malaysia is the matriculation, here Malay will take 90% of place while Chinese and Indian will only take 10%. You won't and will never fail in the matriculation exam and comfirm you will enter the Public University at all cost(aiya malay mah...) However for those non-bumi which didn't selected for matriculation the only selection is go to Form 6 which will take 1 year longer than the matriculation and 10 times more harder than the matriculation.

Kolej (College)[edit]

Malaysia has private universities college such as Monash and Taylor's Kolej (College). The lecturers speak in half broken english and the mispronounciations are hilarious. They claim to have PHDs and Doctorates but, all these degrees are actually bought from diploma mills that have weirds names like irish international univerisity which ireland claims to have no knowledge of and to top it all of they can't teach properly. Any questions they don't know the answer to they'll answer with "cannot" + "lah" at the end. Directors scrutinize lecturers who keeps it real and in your "face" because Malaysia doesn't believe in that. Attendance is mandatory and it is recorded due to the backward style Malaysians like to use in controlling all people in the kingdom. Shorts and sandals are considered to be the uniform of most commoners. Shoes and proper clothings that you didn't sleep in are frowned upon. Kolej students spend their time in non-sexual relations such as mamak eating group massacres (ie: a group of 20+ malays to go eat at a local mamak) here they discuss their school work and watch wrestling. The girls think they all that cuz they go to Kolej and there for makes them the ultimate beings when they smoke their sempoernas.

Kolej in Malaysia is equivalent to a flea market in the hood, people are most likely would try to sell you something in between classes. They'll have excuses like it's for charity or some shit but we all know the money goes to the Chinese cook thats grinning behind the cafeteria booth. Everything costs extra money, your fees are not enough; for example in order to pass a certain theater class in Taylor's Kolej one must go see certain plays in a place far away, which the faggot lecturer expects you to pay for the transportation and pay for the play itself. Your grades depend on it, so it's like they won't let you take your final exam unless you pay them RM50. They claim it's the better education, yes it's true to some extent but like everything in Malaysia it is lost in translation.

DISCLAIMER: The chinky chong who wrote this article has no PhD himself, neither has he done any research or has any publications in his life, but reserves the right to criticize the rest of the country. What about his broken english you say? It's called "chinklish", which he thinks is proper. To justify himself, Chinky ass here carries a certificate from his chinky sharman that says he has the widespread Bodohland-CHINK slit eye disease called Syok sendiri aka head up own ass syndrome.

DISCLAIMER-DISCLAIMER: The above racist fascist pig has obviously no merit to his argument and thus you may now disregard it and retain your (obviously biased) view on local Unis in Malaysia. He is also probably Malay and therefore does not recognize 'Freedom of speech' for other people, though he obviously exercises his freedom of speech. He probably thinks it's his Allah-given right.


Art Colleges[edit]

Art students in Malaysia are not allow to study human body drawing, it was banned some 20 years ago because the government see it as GATAL (erotic, dirty and lust), no no, you are not allow to see nude (that explain why the country is so desperate about BOGEL internet). If you go to art college in Malaysia, human body study session means drawing male models wearing football pants. The Malay-Muslim art students are also not allowed to draw women wearing the Malay traditional sarong, because that is also consider GATAL. So, art students in Malaysia MUST only draw clean things or else they will be in trouble. Today, there is a controversy going on. Malay-Muslim art student came up with a brilliant idea of drawing invisible woman dressed only in Victoria Secret panty and bra. Whether or not it is allowed or banned, we shall know in near future.

Government Scholarship[edit]

Generally the Malaysian government loves their citizen so much so that they have many organizations providing scholarships to their future leaders. Despite the sheer amount of scholarships given, one would notice that among 9,999,999 government scholarship holders, 9,999,990 are babiputeras (Malays), 5 are local Chinese, 3 are local Indians and only 1 of them are from the REAL orang asli(natives) of this country. The main reason for this natural occurrence is unknown as even the government denies having knowledge of this seemingly random allocation of scholarships. But over the years there had been many speculations by the citizens over how Malaysia's mother nature pick their scholarship holders. Apparently one of the deciding factors is the length of the applicant's name. As long as you have a name with a 'bin' or 'binti' in your name which is followed by your father's full name (thus further boosting the length of your name), you will stand a 99% chance higher than the rest to secure yourself for a full expense paid study program of your choice. Another factor will be the skin color of the applicants. After 3 billion years of evolution, mother nature had decided that it is best to favor those witr scr scholarship holders. Apparently one of the deciding factors is the length of the applicant's name. As long as you have a name with a 'ship homedium colored skin. Too BLACK and you're screwed... Too white and you're screwed as well. Therefore the only most suitable candidates are obviously the babiputeras! MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!

Below are the few different types of scholarship given to the grand citizens of Malaysia. FELDA - Only Malays can apply. Given to mainly poor Monkeys living in rural areas. JPA - Also known as Public Service Department. Prior to accepting this scholarship, you will be given a contract to give your soul up to the government for numerous years working as a slave dog with under Monkeys living in rural areas. JPA - Also known as Public Service Department. Prior to acceRM 5,000 pay even as a doctor. Petronas - Before the candidatesmine who is moers in order to determine who is most suitable to have the scholarship. But this is all just a cover up in Prior to accepting this scorder to waste more of the rakyat's money for the leisure of the trainers to peep at the poor female candidates while they're showering or fingering or fisting or dildoing or shaving their pubes in the bathroom.FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!