El Niño

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El Niño (English: The Niño) was discovered by Jeremy Lavine. Like all things Border-Hopper, it is dangerous, though not as dangerous as the The French. It kills people and burns down trees. This child is more than a child. It really isn't a child at all. It is a storm. A deadly storm that kills people and burns down trees. It is also very deadly. Did I mention it kills people.

Commom Effects[edit]

El Nino is deadly. It is deadly. It can make people dead. Warm water usually builds up around Australia. But not anymore with el niño. El Niño moves the warm water from australia to somewhere else, namely to other places. Where are these other places? These are places that also have water, but water that is usually not as warm as the warm water El Niño moves to these said other places. These other places are to the east. Of the water. And Australia. But not France.

Storms, storms, storms![edit]

In Peru, they have many names for many things. One of the things they have names for is for people who go fishing, go fishing to make a living. If we had a word for this kind of people that word would be "fisherman". But we don't. In Peru, they have different names for things than we do in America, because they are not in America, but in the south of America, where Missouri is. In Peru, they call that kind of people "pescadores". That's Spanish. That's what they speak in Peru. And also France. But not Spain. When El Niño comes, these "pescadores" can't catch any fish. El Niño is caused when the Peruvian gods get angry. They have been angry for millions of years and have made El Niño for millions of years, starting last September. Many many moons ago, the Peruvians committed human sacrifice to satiate their gods and end the flood that was caused by El Niño. In today's modern dog-eat-dog work-a-day world of scientists, diplomats, McSalad Shakers, and George Bush Jr., we no longer have access to such solutions. We are too proud. We will not commit human sacrifices. We refuse to satiate the Peruvian gods. We are arrogant, and proud. Thus, they remain angry and keep killing us and burning down our trees with El Niño. And other annoying stuff.

Instead of satiating the gods, many of these "scientists" have tried to control El Niño with "science". They put up expensive fish-attracting-bueys that run on flashlight batteries. Imagine, fighting the power of the gods with flashlight batteries! Needless to say, this didn't work and everyone died. Those who were left couldn't get any more fish, so they ate Ramen instead. The Peruvian gods have not yet issued a statement of opinion. Neither has France.