Elbonia

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Elbonia

Flag of Elbonia


Full Name

Elbonia SSR
(1922 - 1953)
Republic of Elbonia
(1953 - Present)

Capital

Bornyasherk

Government

Communist Government
(1922 - 1953)
Democratic Government
(1953 - Present)

Elbonia is a Baltic state located between Latvia and Estonia, it is one of the few Baltic states lucky to escape from the Soviet sphere of influence in 1953, years before the USSR actually collapsed. Hungary tried to break away 3 years later, however this effort was brutally suppressed.

History[edit]

Prior to the creation of the USSR[edit]

Before the Elbonian Revolution of 1919, Elbonia was ruled by Chancellor Vilmos Klavdiya, he was a tyrant whom cared very little for his people, his primary concerns were his own wealth and power, the country's Military strength, and keeping on good terms with his "master" Tsar Nicholas II. Through fear and Military force, Klavdiya was able to suppress any attempted uprising, by some miracle the country was even able to survive WW1. Shortly after the Russian Revolution of 1917 however the Elbonian Communist Party emerged and became a central threat to Klavdiya's leadership, he was able to prevent any major attempt by the E.C.P to spark a revolution...until January 4th 1919.

In the early hours of the morning of January 4th, armed citizens led by members of the E.C.P stormed Klavdiya's palace and killed him. The E.C.P then declared themselves the leader's of the country, as well as loyalty to Lenin and Bolshevik Russia.

Chancellor Vilmos Klavdiya

1922: The birth of the USSR[edit]

Flag of the Elbonia SSR

Following the establishment of the USSR in 1922, Elbonia became the Elbonia SSR, following the transition into a Soviet Socialist Republic, the E.C.P declared 3 days of national celebration. For these 3 days people all across the country rejoiced, to them it seemed that the glorious Communist ideal would finally bring glory prosperity to their country, however, after Lenin's death and Stalin's rise to power in 1924; the Communist ideal went from a glorious dream, to a horrific nightmare.

WW2[edit]

During WW2, Elbonia was ravaged by Nazi forces, Russia seemed to care little that a fellow USSR member state was in trouble though, Elbonia was simply left to the mercy of the Nazis, the people of Elbonia obviously felt betrayed by the fact they had been left to fend for themselves by the Kremlin.

After the Red Army captured Berlin in 1945, a Government representative from Moscow was sent to Elbonia to reconcile with Elbonia's Communist Government, the E.C.P happily accepted Moscow's apology and, on a political level, Elbonian-Russian relations were restored...the public of Elbonia however had become disillusioned and fed up with the Communist Government, they began to demand independence from the USSR as well as real democracy.

Post 1945: The beginning of the Elbonia SSR's end[edit]

Common Elbonians.

From 1946 onward, various resistance groups began to spring up all across Elbonia, several attempts were made to remove the Communist Government from power, however all of these were put down by the army. In spite of the number of failures by the various resistance groups they're resolve is not broken....it is in fact strengthened.

In 1946, a majority of the resistance groups merge together to form the Elbonia Liberation Army (E.L.A.), shortly after this they begin to attack Red Army barracks all across the country and use pirate radio to broadcast anti-Communist propaganda across the country. By mid 1947, they have the majority of the Elbonian population on their side. There are riots in Bornyasherk and in several other towns and cities across the country.

1953:The Justice League led Coup in the Soviet Union/Elbonia breaks away from the USSR[edit]

(For more information on the JLA's Coup see: Justice League led Coup in the Soviet Union(1953).

Following Stalin's death and the Justice League's coup d'état of the USSR, Elbonia took advantage of the chaos and declared their independence from the USSR; surprisingly the JLA Soviet Government did not care. 2 hours after Elbonia declared independence, it held its first democratic election; Sergei Ladislav was the victor of these elections and thus Elbonia's first democratically elected ruler. Only 18 hours after the JLA had established their Government, it was destroyed by Chuck Norris and the U.N. . Nikita Khrushchev took over as official leader of the USSR shortly after the U.N. and Chuck Norris's withdrawal from the country, amazingly he allowed Elbonia's independence (probably because he believed Elbonia was far too small to pose a threat to the mighty USSR). This was to be the second biggest mistake of his political career, the first being the ludicrous Virgin Lands Scheme.

Belkan presence in Elbonia (1953-67)[edit]

The USSR had been locked in brutal warfare with Belka, Elbonia hoped that since it had gained independence, it would be able to distance itself from the war...it was wrong. The Belkan Government quickly took advantage of the situation and through a mixture of threats and the signing of a treaty, Elbonia allows Belkan forces into the country and a Belkan ICBM network to be established. This moves gives the Belkan's an obvious Military advantage over the USSR.

A Belkan AEW5X1 ICBM at Voschenvia Missile Base (One of the Elbonian bases that made up the Belkan's ICBM network)

By late 1954, the people of Elbonia had become very uncomfortable with the Belkan Military presence in their country. Border clashes between Belkan and Soviet forces had become common place, so had air raids carried out by the Soviet Air Force; President Ladislav pleaded with the Belkans to leave the country on several occasions, the Belkans refused every time. Following one of the President's pleading sessions, even more Belkan troops were deployed to Elbonia, simply to show Ladislav that until the war against the USSR was over, the Belkans controlled the country.

In 1957, the Belkans imposed a curfew on Elbonia, citizens were expected to be in their homes by 19:00, if citizens were on the streets after that, they would be assumed to be Soviet spies and arrested or worse, shot. Public opinion began to turn against the Belkan's even more when they announced that they would be rationing gasoline to civilians, following this announcement mass riots broke out across Elbonia and though they were suppressed after 3 days, it was becoming clear to the Belkan Government that their forces had outstayed their welcome in the country.

A Belkan checkpoint somewhere in Elbonia

1967: The end of the USSR-Belka War[edit]

In 1967, the Treaty of Сервом году программы фоего кожа была (English: We can't fight any more as we are strapped for cash) was signed in the Belkan village of Hören, finally bringing the Belka-USSR War to an end. 2 days after the signing of this treaty, the Belkan forces in Elbonia shut down their ICBM network (This was one of the terms in of the treaty) and began to withdraw from Elbonia, after having to put up with Belkan forces for 14 years, the Elbonian people would finally be seeing the back of them. As the Belkan troops withdrew, a mass celebration occurred across Elbonia.

Elbonia Today[edit]

In spite of the Government of Elbonia officially being democratic, the legitimacy of its democracy is somewhat questionable, Elbonia is currently locked in Civil War that started in 1985 and unfortunately shows no signs of stopping any time soon. To make matters even worse, the country has also been facing an economic crisis since 1997.

Recently, the Elbonians have been holding up a trade deal Between the EU and a frozen wasteland called Canada. They hold sway over millions of Europonians free trade due to the regional janitors of Elbonia voting to block the Comprehensive Economic and Trade Agreement. The janitors rejected the slashing of tariffs on their primary export, mud, and figure that the Eskimos in Canada will renegotiate the price of Canadas' chief export, maple syrup ice cones. Proud Elbonians feel strongly that surrendering a little sovereignty could cause a serious drop in the mud market, and are concerned that a free trade agreement could cause serious environmental problems due to over harvesting of mud, which could conceivably lead to their greatest fear, a dustbowl.

Despite the problems mentioned above, Elbonia ranks in at 3000 in the "Places I would like to go before I die list" of People magazine.

Elbonia recently supplied the Qumarian terrorist Group, The Hand That Is Being Fed By Elbonia (It's SUPER secret, NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW MUA HA HA HA...), with bombs they used in an attack on the Senate of the Federal Republic of Estovakia, a Nation of the Anean Continent.

Since of 2000, Dogbert has turned it into a first-world country, reminiscent of Las Vegas and New Orleans around Mardi Gras-time.