Elephant blasting

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The craze of elephant blasting has swept across southern Asia in recent years. It is mostly carried out by delinquent teenagers high on milk-shakes and quantity surveyors.

The process works on the bottle rocket principle, whereby a bottle containing some water has air pumped in until the pressure reaches a point where the water forces the cork out of the bottle, with the result that the bottle takes off into the air. This is way cool. This will not happen with most animals - for example, an ordinary domestic cat will simply explode if you pump it full of air. This too is way cool, but unfortunately you can only do it once with each cat, and as we all know, cats have way more important uses.

However, an elephant's thick skin will prevent it from exploding, so if you stick a cork with a tube going through it into the rectum of the elephant and then pump air in, the pressure within the elephant will build up until eventually the cork, together with a substantial amount of fecal matter, will be expelled at high speed from the animal's rear end. It is best not to be standing directly behind the animal when this happens. The result is that the elephant can be propelled at high speed for distances of up to three miles.

This behaviour is generally frowned upon by Jesus (though the elephants don't seem to mind.)