Elissa Sursara
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'Elissa Sursara (born Valentines Day in a ShantyTown full of other Brazilian beach chicks and also known as Busty St. Claire, Chesty Laroo and Hooters McBoob) in Bahia, Brazil is a Brazilian actress, arm-pit-shaving-animal-rights-activist, model, arm-candy and self-proclaimed virgin until marriage, most famous for being in television and film with her huge boobs. She was bullied for her large breasts and is often google searched for her large breasts, however some maintain a vivid interest in her filmography, and large breasts. Sursara became well known as a "pedophiles dream" when made famous at the age of four as a children's wear model, making the transition to "busty twelve year old" tween model before becoming known as a film and television actor and teenager with large knockers.
Most recently, Sursara is known for being pretty good looking, however men prefer to google Megan Fox, because unlike Sursara, Fox shows no intelligence and instead enjoys talking about sex in interviews.
In addition to her television and film work, Sursara is associated with notable animal rights and welfare activism, of which she uses her large mammaries to attract attention to "KFC chicken tortures" and the "Be Nice To Cows" organizations, much like Pamela Anderson. Sursara is often associated romantically with a slurry of men, including Kanye West, who loves huge boobs. Other associated men include Emile Hirsch. Sursara is somewhat recognized for her controversial statements about plastic surgery, calling breast implants "false advertising", something she denies ever saying but everyone knows she really did say because her friend told her friend who told PEOPLE Magazine who told the world.
Sursara lives and maintains properties in Brazil, Australia and the United States and claims to love the US, despite her consistent and multiple attempts to leave the country and return to Australia, demonstrated through various rejections of high-profile film and television offers. Sursara might seem like a bitch, but that's only because she's acting like a bitch.
[edit] Early life and breast development
Sursara was born to Brazilian immigrant parents and lived in a Catholic Brazilian upbringing where she states big boobs became a hindrance in her virgin until marriage aspiration. Her breasts developed at age eleven and were a size 34C by her twelfth birthday however Sursara reveals that "although they were annoying when I went golfing, they were good as a make-shift table when there was no table around," so that's something. Scouted by a pedophile at the age of four to front a baby wear campaign, Sursara became famous through Brazil and South America and transitioned to US television, where more pedophiles googled her nappy-assed pictures. Eventually, Brazil decided they had pimped out their four year old hero enough and called America, who happily answered their phone.
[edit] Film career
Bust loving US directors scouted Sursara to appear in their television shows, hoping her breasts would attract better ratings, of which they did. Sursara's US debut followed with multiple offers, including the original offer to play Summer Roberts in The OC, to which Sursara replied, "I'd rather drink Mini-Me's piss," of which, she didn't, but it would have been funny. Her film credits include Marion Bridge, Trust The Man, Equal Opportunity and Live Free or Die. Sursara turned down roles in LOST and Gossip Girl, stating she wanted to kill Mischa Barton rather than associate with her previous directors. Edit: Mischa Barton has NO boobs and is speculated to be a reason for Sursara's rejection of the aforementioned role.
[edit] Personal life
Sursara is known as diplomatic, however she gained some humorous respect when she verbally dissed body enhancements. "Fake boobs are like false advertisements, nobody wants the fake shit when you can get the real shit" were of the multiple vocal opinions of Sursara, who also blasted hair extensions saying "No sweetie, you don't have long hair. The previous owner of your extensions did." Sursara is currently dating the long-haired weirdo from Speedracer with a girl's name, Emile Hirsch, but should probably go back to dating that tattooed model dude she was dating before, the manly looking one.
In an interview with Femail Magazine, Sursara revealed she is prone to self-induced vomiting when the name Paris Hilton is mentioned and wants to open fire on the fur industry, namely The Olsen Twins.
Sursara is also a virgin until marriage however some believe she will distance herself with the pact after her 21st birthday, or at least, they're praying she will.