Eminem
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“I don't get it... it's a white man doing black things... this is perplexing...”
Bruce Slim Shady Marshall Mathers Ken Kaniff Steve Berman Paul Rosenberg Rain Man The Third, better known by his stage name M&M (often mistaken as Eminem), is an African-American rapper and former lawyer.
Eminem's early life was plagued by ostracism and black people. Moving from place to place, young Marshall never got settled, and never made any real friends. That was until he moved to Detroit, living off 8-Mile road. It was then that Bruce met his BFFL, DeShaun. In an interview with The Watchtower, Eminem spoke of how the two inseparable pals came up with their stage-names. Yo times was tough, man. And, well... Me and Dizzi-Shizzle was the best friends two young boys could be. He watched my back and I watched his, I preferred to give though, so I saw more of his. In later years I contracted VD, remember the song? Well, I could never prove it was Dizzi-Shizzle who gave it me. He used to say, "You ain'ts gots no proof". From then on, that is what I called him. In response to this article, President Bush, when asked to comment, said, 'Proof, was his name. Unfortunately, being bulletproof wasn't his game.' Eminem is yet to respond.
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[edit] Dodgeball
When Eminem was 12, he was involved in a dodgeball incident that involves a wristwatch, a fence post, and a lamp shade. After the incident occurred, he sustained serious damage to his skull and feet. His feet grew to enormous size, and was called Sasquatch for many years, the ridicule caused him to go into a state of depression for 12 years and on his 24th birthday, the extra fat on his feet was cut off and used in a play about safety in Williams Elementary school.
[edit] Chess Club
When Eminem was a child, he was actually quite popular and participated in his school's chess club. He was on a 50 winning streak against black kids and to this day has never lost to a black kid his whole life.
He still does enjoy a game of chess after dinner, unless of course he is with his "boiiiiiiiiiiz" aiiight!
[edit] Mother, Wife and Gays
EminƎm is known for songs about hating his mother, beating his wife, and disliking homosexuals. He has become an icon to woman abusers, George W. Bush, and homophobes universally. This hatred also popularized the term "wife-beater" (for white gangstas). This roots of his legendary misogyny and homophobia were revealed in his best selling autobiography/coloring book I Hate Women And Fags. He admitted that he once spent a few hours in jail in an early attempt to build "street cred", and was subsequently anally raped while in his holding cell. He later backpedaled on this story, saying only that jail was "whack".bitch head dick head
[edit] Assassination attempt
On JunƎ 4th, 1996, during his grƎat turf war with Woody AllƎn, ƎminƎm was sƎarching a dumpstƎer for clothƎs that hƎ could wƎar to his next concƎrt, whƎn hƎ was approached by Woody and a possƎ of bƎ-spƎctaclƎd IT graduatƎs from the School of Hard Knocks. Thinking quickly, ol' Slim summonƎd his black, morƎ gangsta, minions to kill thƎm. YƎt in thƎ Ǝnd thƎ last man standing was "That Brown Guy".
[edit] Rap(Ǝ) Career
He went to intƎrscope and said his namƎ was somewhere lost in the 66 alphabets of Ǝnglis. He nƎvƎr rƎvƎaled his namƎ to his fans or steve bƎrman. For this guilty consciƎncƎ he was taken to Dr.Prey's lab. He was found to have brain damage in his "bad meets evil" kind of head. He replied If I Had A SpicƎ girl..... And Dr.Prey Censored It. He Claims 97'Bonnie and Clyde was a role model to him at his rock bottom hitting house. He said "Cum On Ǝverybody,I'm Shady ". As the world turned they said they just dont give a fuck. So he became angry and wrote public service denouncement. The LP released and everybody asked who was the real slim shady. After being slapped by his mum and Kim he went to mars and wrote the martian mathƎmatician R(I)P. During that time an stupid (Not Like EminƎm, More like YOU!!!) EminƎm fan named Stan drove a van and fell out of a Fridge!!!He became as useless as a pƎpsi can. It was enough for a ban on the man called shady.Under the influƎncƎ of the SƎxinƎss of Kim he wƎnt to amityvillƎ and sang sƎvƎral drug ballads for the ghosts and your usƎlƎss friends. His most famous line included "Who KnƎw What I NƎever KnƎw KƎanu reeves Bitch plƎasƎ II". HƎ Said I Will "Kill You" fags and lƎz and dƎclared himsƎlf that hƎ was a Criminal. AftƎr 2000 EminƎm yƎars , he went to interscopƎ and asked "RƎmƎbƎr mƎ? I'm Back". HƎ Says what you say but his business was for White America. "My Dad's Gone Crazy Without Me" was rƎvƎalƎd to be not a "Halie's song" but it was for Halie's comet. With a Square dance and a skit he said goodbye to hollow wood. Paul Rosenberg's Skits say that he was a superman but Till he collapses the music is always stopped for the safety of light weight white kids. At this era the m's rose higher but sung for no mo(ve)ment.Then EminƎm's last show was played. The Curtains were up for some evil deeds. He said that he likes Toy soldiers and it was never enuff. His First single was not mosh or puke. Em called paul and called him a rain man. Paul replied that em was a big weenie. He said "Just lose it" and "shake that ass like that". For the public enemy # 1.24153250977320570 EminƎm the curtains were down. After some aftermath he revealed you dont know that jimmy can crack KoRn and fred dust. After hibernating inside a pokeball for 666 millennia,he hopes to come back a have a prelapse. His la(te)s(t) release being "They made me smack a throttle".
[edit] Death
When Tori Amos covered '97 Bonnie and Clyde, Eminem was shocked that a white woman could do such a thing. He replied as he usually does by making a song about how Tori's a bitch, and it'sa filled to the brim with expletives and other things that'll offend women and moral guardians. He should've known better than to mess with Tori, so she turned him into an actual cracker. He was eaten by pigeons. The rap community was heartbroken that they lost the only cool white guy, while the rest of the world rejoiced. His funeral was held in the poorest part of LA, and his casket was full of pigeon poopey. The funeral was entirely paid for by Eminem's father.
[edit] Other Collaboration
EminƎm was forced to surrender to the Nobodies Satan impersonator (AKA Marilyn "The Horrible" Manson) somewhere near the shady areas of the shadows of the valley of death. Together they scared Zeus to run to toilet. Manson soon left the site due to deficit of drugs. They are rumoured to have taken 9999999999.99999999999999% of the drugs available in America when they were together. To save money and for preventing bankruptcy interscope soon cancelled the remaining scare shows.
[edit] Hobbies
His hobbi3s include-
- Grabbing balls
- Cussing
- Masterbating to photos of Dr. Dre
- Misspelling Masturbation
- Beating his wife
- Beating my wife
- Beating your wife
- Beating that guys wife
- Hatin Gays
- Hatin Faggots
- Hatin Ho's
- Hatin Gays
- Hatin his mom
- Hatin Your Mom
- Hatin M.J.
- Hatin Christopher Reeve
- Hatin Hating
- Cleaning Closets
- (Rape)ing dogs
- Getting butt fucked by Dr.dre
- Cummin on everybody
- Ignoring people named Stan
- Just not giving a fuck
[edit] The Three Headed Monster
He is a part of the Three headed Monster, Which Comprises of-
- The Worlds Best Golfer (a Black guy)
- The Worlds Tallest Basket baller (a Chinese guy)
- The Best / Most Gangstaaa Rapper (a white guy)
[edit] Dis-Co-Graphy
- Indefinite EP
- Indefinite LP
- The Slim Shady EP
- The Slimmer Shadier LP
- The Martian Mathematician LP
- The Minimumem Not Your mum's Show
- Encore
- NoCore
- The Fatter Shady R.I.P
- MNM Presents re-Down (Collaboration With 2000 Tons Of Nigga Trash)
- The Fatter Shady LP
- Public(k) My Dick Denouncement 200000AD
- Never Ever Give A Duck
- The Way I Spam
- Blam Blam Blam Blame The Lame For My Fame
- Stage Fright Under the Curtain
- Collapse
- Collapse 2
- Fuck y'all Niggas
