Emperor Sun-Cantan Lon

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His Holiness Sun-Canton Lon of the Kuwatonese Empire is the all-powerful leader of the Kuwatonese Confederacy of Oriental Buttheads, an organization which includes such countries as China, Japan, Taiwan, and Siberia. Sun-Cantan Lon is known for his cool demenour and sexy parties. He is the sworn enemy of Oscar Wilde and Jesus, among others.

Early life[edit]

The Emperor was born on the planet Tatooine as the brother of Anakin Skywalker. Darthboard took him in as an apprentice early in his life, but Sun-Cantan Lon escaped by blowing up Darthboard's secret research facility. After contacting James Bond, Lon, now four years old, set up his Empire. Lon defeated Mario, Samus Aran, and Master Chief in the Cloud City Coolness Tournaments and used the prize money to shoot the Japanese Emperor. Sun-Cantan Lon then seized Japan's nuclear weapons and started the dreaded Apocalypse War of 3s. He did this all as a pre-teen.


He won the war, and seized power by sending out Martians to destroy such major cities as New York City, Atlantis, and Kakapupupipishire. He succeeded, and during his reign everyone had to bow down to him, where their shoes on their hands, and constantly digest soap. Within moments everyone was freakin' tired of him. Pope John Paul II, to aid his people, summoned Ultra Jesus to help him. Sun-Cantan Lon was sent back to Asialand.

Rule over Asialand[edit]

As the ruler of the Kuwatonese Confederacy, Sun-Cantan Lon continues to reign. His power is powerful, and those not willing to abide by his laws head's are cut off, unfortunately.

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