Energy vampirism

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Energy Vampirism[edit]

Energy vampirism is a condition spread by energy vampires. There are two forms of energy vampirism: Type I and Type II.

Both types may be contracted by watching the show Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. Type II may also be contracted by the bite of an energy vampire. Type I can be picked up just by hanging around one, or its victims.

Disease History[edit]

The grandfather of energy vampirism, NOS-4-A2

Energy vampirism was started in 1842 when the infamous E.V. NOS-4-A2 migrated to Earth

from Planet Z.

He quickly set up a vampire colony, which spread enormously when NOS-4-A2 was asked to do some acting for Disney in 1999.

Unbeknownst to the Disney company, NOS-4-A2 was able to instill subliminal messages into their show Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, causing millions of viewers to come down with energy vampirism.

The disease was not actually discovered until 2005, when a young teenage girl passed out in Disney World after claiming that she wanted to bear NOS-4-A2's children.

Type I Energy Vampirism[edit]

Symptoms[edit]

A typical sufferer of Type I energy vampirism

Symptoms of Type I energy vampirism include:

  • An unnatural fixation with another carrier of the disease
  • A strange fear of coffin-shaped boxes
  • Panicking at the sight of any type of vampire
  • Eyes glowing red (like XR from the show)
  • Elongation of the canine teeth, or bearing fangs in laymen's term.
  • Trying to hang upside-down from the ceiling
  • Wearing a big cape

Treatment[edit]

Type I energy vampirism may be treated by homeopathic doses of Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. Episodes involving XR have been found to be particularly effective, for some reason. Other, safer methods of treatment are currently being researched.

IMPORTANT: Episodes of BLoSC involving energy vampirism will not only NOT help, but they may escalate the afflicted into a Type II! It's a tricky method of treatment, so please do not screw up!

Prevention[edit]

Type I energy vampirism may be prevented simply by not watching Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.

Type II Energy Vampirism[edit]

Symptoms[edit]

The symptoms of this much more serious condition include:

  • An unnatural fixation with NOS-4-A2
  • Saying NOS-4-A2 is 'sexy'
  • Saying you want to marry/swive NOS-4-A2.
  • Creating an unusually large amount of fanart/multimedia involving NOS-4-A2.
  • Saying he's "yours and you are his."

Certain Type I symptoms may also occur.

Treatment[edit]

Sadly, there is no cure for Type II. All carriers must be stabbed over running water, dissected with silver tools, and left in a ditch in Colorado.

Prevention[edit]

Type II energy vampirism may be prevented by not watching Buzz Lightyear of Star Command- at least, none of the episodes involving NOS-4-A2.

Famous Sufferers From Energy Vampirism[edit]

Other Diseases Caused By Disney Shows/Movies[edit]

Support Groups for Energy Vampirism[edit]

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Kila 15:02, 11 June 2007 (UTC)