Enforced Hair Styling Act
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Thursday December 15th, 2003, God decreed in front of congress the new "Enforced Hair Styling Act." In a press conferance later God stated, "Lazy people no-longer have an excuse."
[edit] Beginning of the Enforced Hair Styling Act(EFSA)
“And Lo, God looked out on Creation from on Heaven High, and saw naught but sinful hair.”
—The Book of Montel 6:23
This isn't true but the prophet Montel was notorious for talkin' trash for God. What God really said was 38.436313426123145% of Creation had sinful hair. Deciding that since from Heaven he could mostly see the tops of being's heads he wouldn't stand for this uglification of his view. Thus he brought the EFSA into existence. He added it to the 10 commandments by altering time space and implementing a base 11 system creating the number throur (three, throur ,four). The act reads as follows; "Honor thy hair and lather, rinse, repeateth". The Bald and Naturally Hairless are exempt from the EFSA less they wear wigs, then they are sinning all over subsection 2:paragraph 4c.
[edit] Ramifications of the Act
God really screwed things up. By implementing the base 11 counting system he retroactively undid 3 millenia of scientific development, and ruined the metric system. Since most governments don't view the Bible as a legal reference, the act did nothing besides land a bunch of people in Hell. Most notably this act is the true origin of Heavy Metal being the music of the Devil. Hair metal is the single biggest sin that mankind has commited.
[edit] History
Of course there's history, it's God. All he did was start holy wars and not kill Hitler. In 734 AC, the EFSA became the cause of the 2.5th Crusade against the Mullethusians. These were a nomadic tribe that lived in a Motel 6 outside Denmark. They believed that the hair on the back of their heads was a sacred gift from God, and should never be cut lest they incur the Wrath of God. There is some debate as to whether Pope Stylist XII was justified in wiping out all but a few of the tribe and burning their motel to the ground(the proprieter was compensated in fashionable wigs and hair care products). The tribe has scattered decendants in the world today, few of who remember their proud heritage of motels and barbery.
