Ensiferum

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“What the fuck.”

~ The Guy on Ensiferum

“"Aye" "Into Battle we Ride!" "Hehe i got Victory Songs"”

~ People Who like them

“Fuck Dragonforce, this is the shit.”

~ Chuck Norris on Your mom

“Wictory!!!!! Wisions!!!!”

~ Ensiferum on Ensiferum

[edit] WTF?

"Ensiferum" is a grammatical atrocity and the reason dunk Finns should not be allowed anywhere near a Latin Dictionary. Technically, the word "Ensiferum" is an adjective that mean "sword bearing", but the grammar is so fucked up it doesn't really mean anything.

By the way, Ensiferum Mettallium is the most epicly stable metal ever produced, consisting of killer bridges, riffs, and crazy ass sword bearing mothafuckers.

[edit] History

While god created Dragonforce and Chuck Norris, the Norse Gods decided they needed an epic band to support them. Previous attempts at making Children of Bodum Mettallium stable enough had resulted in total failure. So then they took some elements of CoB that weren't gay. So then they started from scratch. And lo, the holiest of holies, Jari Mäenpää, created by the dwarves and Ragnar the Fearless, was born, and then when he was stoned he looked in a Latin Dictionary and saw Ensiferum and was like Oh Snap!.

[edit] The God Wars

God and the Norse Gods went to war, and God brought out DragonForce and Thor brought Ensiferum. Hermen speed metal attacked Jari, who blasted back with some fucking inhumanly beautiful vocals. Meanwhile Meiju Enho got gangraped by the rest of DragonForce, who were ambushed by Marcus Toivonem And Kimmo. So essentially it was a draw, until DragonForce played Through the Fire and Flames, and Ensiferum, who hadn't yet come out with the Iron album, had to make due with Battle Song and and Token of Time. But even their combined might could not withstand Dragonforce. Dragonforce/God won the first battle.

But then Odin in his wisdom sent down the Tale Of Revenge Single and holy sweet jesus DragonForce got ass-raped. As Jari sang Wait for me in the mountains, fuck me, in teh winds, wait for me by the band, where no fans live, Herman's eyes melted and his luxurious coat of hair became weak and limp. "Oneeee life, so cold and pale" at this point it is said even Chuck Norris, who had come to help DragonForce, broke down in tears. DragonForce left defeated, and Ensiferum gained popularity, to the point where isolated cases of awareness of the band have sprouted up. Facebook boasts a group with an astounding EIGHTY ONE (!) members that like Ensiferum.

Then things went downhill. Dragonheads came out, and DragonForce was so incensed that Ensiferum would use part of their extremely unique name that they attacked again. However, Dragonheads was only an EP, not to mention it was partly composed of songs that were on their last album and Ensiferum was swiftly defeated. Even when they played a little Iron, DragonForce could not be stopped.

That is...until Victory Songs came out! Then DragoneForce was, again, violently bitchslapped.

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