Envy

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If you have seen this man/woman/tree report him/her/it to your local authorities/military/God.

History[edit]

Envy is a Homunculus, shape-shifter, and self proclaimed bisexual born in the country of Amestris in the anime Full Metal Alchemist. He was created by the Alchemist Dante when she fused a palm tree, Play-Doh, and the DNA of Liberace into one unholy combination. From that day on Envy became one of Dante’s Homunculi subordinates which also included Pride and Gluttony. He constantly got into fights with the brothers Edward and Alphonse Elric which led up to him KILLING EDWARD but not before KILLING MAES HUGHES! But somehow Al brought his DEAD BROTHER back and sent Envy into the Gate releasing him into OUR WORLD WHICH IS BEHIND THE GATE! After his exile from his native dimension Envy decided to blend in using his doppelgänger abilities and has gone under numerous aliases. He/She/It is currently wanted dead or alive worldwide for crimes against humanity, mass murder, conspiracy, indecency, and for just being an overall asshole.

Envy jamming with his Best Friend Forever, Liberace.

A List of Envy’s Aliases[edit]

Because Envy is a shape-shifter he has taken on many a human form and disguising himself into OUR WORLD and raising all hell because he’s an evil sadistic bastard. Here’s a list of some of them.

Envy is everywhere.
Envy's form that he takes when he enters Mc. Donalds.
Envy reveals his second most powerful form to Ed and some other guy.
  • A dead palm tree
If all else fails Envy turns into his final and strongest form. The cuteness makes your head go asplode, probably from mistaking him as a girl.

People Envy Has Killed[edit]

Envy has killed a lot of people in his undead lifetime. Here is a small list of some of them.

  • Ed Elric- Turns his arm into Excalibur and severs his stirnum. He did it to impress Lust, in hopes of gettin some more homunculus pussy, but remembered she was dead and had to jerk off in a closet.
  • Maes Hughes- Got stuck in an elevator with Envy, who just happened to have a pound of Black Tar on him. Hughes relapses and dies from speedball overdose. Envy didn't shoot Maes, he shot him up.
  • Mr. Spock- Sacrifices his life to stop Envy from killing William Shatner and the crew of the Starship Enterprise. In vain, of course, as he is hit by a car immediately afterwards.
  • Aeris- "Stabs" her in her "back" with his huge "sword".
  • SPIKE SPIEGEL- Completely uninjured from his final battle, was pushed down a flight of stairs, killing him instantly.
  • Dumbledore- Turns into Snape and runs him down with a snowblower.
  • Hohenheim of Light- Transforms his penis into a giant dragon, ultimatley crushing his promiscuous junkie father.
  • Torgo- Envy kills the freakishly big knee'd goatman by kicking him in the shins to death for delivering his pineapple/thumbtack/majic mushroom pizza 80 hours late.
  • A Mudkip- Out of blatant hatred for Pokemon, but then 4 more came along and Envy ran like fuck.
  • Chuck Norris- Envy transformed into him and Chuck died from the shock of his own awesomeness. Mr. T revives him and Envy ran like fuck again.
  • Bambi's Mom- Shot her as the unnamed killer in the leg with a 12 gauge then raped mike tyson in his basement.
  • Mufassa- As Scar, he throws him off a cliff, to which his last words to him were "YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK... OR COCK."
  • Sailor Scouts- They tried to kill him, but they ran out of MP because he keeps regenerating. He rapes and kills everyone except Sailor Jupiter, who manages to kick him in the dick when he is in male form. Unfortunately, the Sailor Scouts revived via alchemy anyways.
  • A grue- He had to transform into Gluttony to accomplish this feat.
  • Everyone- It wasn't too hard, Everyone's stupid as fuck.
  • Himself- In the manga, he ripped his own stone out and successfully baleeted himself and became an hero. Because only Envy is epic enough to kill Envy.

Conclusion[edit]

Envy is the coolest and sexiest palm tree ever. His appearance will make you want to be gay because he is sho shmexy! Envy meets his ironic demise by getting killed in the fashion the sinners guilty of envy are punished in hell; he was run over to death by an ice cream truck driven by Reggie Bannister.

In the manga, he mistook Mr. T for a human and killed himself when Mr. T pitied him.

Envy sucks at playing video gam...wait...what are you doing with that knife, Envy? No...wait...NO! STOP! PLEASE, HAVE MERCY! I'LL SCRUB ALL THE FLOORS IN HYRULE, BUT PLEASE...DON'T DO THE MR. JANITOR TRANSFORMATION! IT'S TOO FUNNY! *Scrubs all the floors in Hyrule* ALL BETTER!

Even Envy doesn't know that answer to that one.
ZOMG its about to ATTACK11!1!! RUN!!! It'll destroy us al!

See Also[edit]


The Seven Deadly Sins

Greed - Wrath - Gluttony - Pornography - Envy - Indifference - SPAM

How can you even think of such things?