Ethan Woodward

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Wearing the famous "sexy hat"

Ethan Woodward (born 15 March 1953) is an American Jazz Musician from the state of Nevada. Born to two nuclear scientists in Mercury, Nevada in 1953, some have speculated that Ethan's unique "jazz skillz" can be attributed to the immense amounts of radioactive fallout he might have been exposed to. As a result of this, Ethan has been dubbed by some in the San Diego Jazz Cliqué as, "The Atomic Musician."


Early life[edit]

Anne and Wade Woodward (they had shared the same last name prior to marriage, but were not related. For example, the so-called "Anne Woodwards" were actually descendants of the famed Saxe-Coburg line of European monarchs; they adopted Woodward in the late 1910s after immigrating to the United States from the newly defunct Austro-Hungarian Empire) had worked on the United States Manhattan Project during the Second World War. Wade Woodward, after the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, is said to have fallen into a rather deep depression due to the incredible amount of responsibility which he felt for having helped to create the bomb.

After the American nuclear program relocated from the Pacific Islands Proving Ground to the Nevada Test Site in earnest during the early 1950s, the Woodwards would become romantically entangled. Legend has it, Ethan was conceived inside an experimental fallout shelter not 6 hours prior to its destruction.

Personal[edit]

He was born on 15 March 1953. In July of that same year, the Woodwards would relocate to northwestern Nebraska. There the baby Ethan would be introduced to the guitar. By age 5, Ethan was putting on performances for travelers who would stop to buy product from the Woodward's roadside stand. Ethan would leave the Woodward homestead in 1967 for Birmingham, Alabama to join the Civil Rights Movement.

Civil Rights Activism and Rehab[edit]

Whilst crusading for Civil Rights in the American South, Woodward was exposed to several new (and, to him, "nifty" types of hallucenogenic) drugs. Though a peaceful participant in the Million Man March, Ethan would soon find himself in trouble with the police for burning an American flag outside of a Crystal City Post Office.

After a brief stint in prison, Woodward returned to Nebraska only to have his parents place him in rehab for 16 years. Rehab was exceptionally difficult for the freedom loving Woodward. Thomas Sovaughn, a fellow patient, would describe Woodward's frequent nervous breakdowns in an interview with the Tucumcari-Rosa Gazette as haunting expressions of the inner madness of genius.

Woodward would leave rehab in the late 1970s and would, for a time, disappear into obscurity. He is said to have roamed British Columbia on foot, with only his backpack and walking stick.

His favorite guitar.

1980s and 1990s[edit]

Woodward returned to the United States in 1983 to play local clubs in Seattle, Washington. It was here that his art would begin to be noticed. In 1985, he released his first compilation album, Hallejulah, Pa! I'm a Yakoo-Zakoo!, to great acclaim locally.

Around this time, Woodward became romantically involved with the prostitute named simply in his memoirs as, "Naomi". It was from Naomi that Woodward suspected that he caught the venereal disease which would ultimately lead to the end of his popularity amongst the ever-important adolescent male demographic.

In 1992, Woodward returned to Nebraska in search of his parents. When it was discovered that they had both died in the following a freak tractor accident, Woodward was crushed. He was able to channel the destructive energies of his sorrow into those of production, however, releasing in 1994 his second album, That's no Fish Story, Staci.

A rare photo from 2004.

Today[edit]

Woodward lives alone at his house in Santa Rosa, New Mexico. He is rarely seen in public.

References[edit]

He's a Jazz musician and he survived abortion. Isn't that enough??

It's not? Well, fine, then. I rescued him from the trash heap at Wikipedia, where he was mumbling to himself and looking for food. I took his story, gave him money for alcohol, and dumped him back in the street.