Euro

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“WOE! Dat's ME! OMG! Ílj´„ ˆˇ!”

~ on €
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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Euro.
The Euro is supported by many people of diverse backgrounds, except black, brown, red, yellow, tan, Jewish or Muslim people.

The Euro (officially pronounced: eek:U) or EUroTrash CaSh is the main form of currency forced onto people in the Dictatorship of the European Unionists as well as North Korea, Switzerland, Texas, California, and Antarctica. It is not to be confused with Eur-o's, a breakfast cereal created to promote the aforementioned currency. It is also know as the Uber Dollar. And it is not used in canada but a similar currency that has five lines instead two. One Euro is worth approximately 500USD (300M GBP).

The symbol for the Euro is €, which can be seen as either a C with a couple of lines through it, a funky E, or a U on skis, or a Quake II logo on its side, is the sign of the euro, which intends to take over Western Europe. However, it has been unsuccessful with some countries who see past its nice-looking exterior to see its evilness, or who realized that € is far more useful as the indicator for energon.

Also, in 2003, € replaced $ in the prefix of variables in the PHP programming language, which makes € the only sigil used by any programming language that is not also used by Perl. The next version of Perl will probably remedy this oversight.

The € is also the magickal symbol of all Satanists living in Estonia.

Euros taste like candy.


History[edit]

Originally proposed as a currency for the European Union, the Euro was ultimately rejected by almost all the nations of the EU on the grounds that it was too "weird" for using a coin instead of a paper bill for the 1 Euro piece. Norway, angered by this, declared war on all of Europe. With this failure, the Euro was instead marketed to all countries across the world.

The first country to accept the Euro was Switzerland because they like to be different from everyone else, North Korea then joined the Euro after a referendum was held on the matter. Similar referendums held by other countries soon led to the Euro being adopted by Texas, California, and Antarctica.

Euro currency is also accepted at EuroDisney,a theme pub located in Las Vegas Nevada

Value[edit]

The value of the Euro is best described in this formula:

€5 = 1 donkey without genitals + 1 free t-shirt

For every Euro you spend, you will take exactly one step closer to hell.

Denominations[edit]

The Euro is divided into 100.3 cents, although usually it is just rounded to 100. Euro coinage is available in denominations of 1 cent, 2 cents, 3 cents, 4 cents, 5 cents, 6 cents, 7 cents, 8 cents, 9 cents, 11 cents, 12 cents, 13 cents, 14 cents, 16 cents, 17 cents, 18 cents, 19.4 cents, 20 cents, 25 cents, 50 cents, 1 euro, 2 euros (people tend to confuse them because it's very similar to mexican pesos). Euro bills are printed in denominations of 5 euros, 10 euros, 20 euros, 42 euros, 50 euros, 100 euros, and 1,000,000 euros. One Euro is aproximatelly 4.765 X 10^1000000 dollars and the value has been exponentially raising since some years ago. Wait, the dollar has been devaluating!!

A 99 cent coin for use in buying shirts was piloted in Transdniestria in 1999; however the shopkeepers repriced all the shirts from €8.99 to €8.98 and the project was abandoned. There was another special edition of 40 euro bill in honour to the United States with legend "you'll never be a member" with a picture of uncle Sam shaking hands with George Bush.

Euro coinage has slightly different designs in each country it is used in. While all share the same reverse, the obtuse side is custom-designed by the country it is used in:

  • The Swiss euro is made of chocolate flavoured edible pieces and features a Swiss Army knife cutting a chocolate clock (which is edible)in a bank.
  • The Scottish euro has a picture of Tony Blair having hot sex with Alex Salmond.
  • The Irish euro features a leprechaun drinking Guinness and dancing a reel
  • The Swedish euro depicts the national pastime: suicide.
  • The greek euro has a pottery urn on it posing the question what's a Greek urn?

the answer of course being 10 euros a week ( 5 more for those dorky looking guys that guard the presidential palace )

  • The French euro depicts Jean-Jacques Rousseau climbing the Eiffel Tower eating a croissant with cloves of garlic strung around his neck, while wearing a beret and a shirt with black and white horizontal stripes, singing "La Marseillaise", drinking Champagne and throwing rocks at Arab immigrants.
  • The German euro coins depict the great achievements of the German people.
    • Copper coins: achievements prior to 1933 - Charlemagne, Luther, Gutenberg
    • Bronze coins: achievements from 1933-1945, Hitler dancing the two-step with Marx and Engels
    • Nickel coins: achievements after 1945 - the fall of the Berlin wall, the football team, wiener scnitzels
  • The Luxembourg coins are blank, because Luxembourg has never achieved anything
  • The Californian euro has a picture of Gov Arnold Schwarzenegger fondling Janet Reno
  • The Texan euro nods towards European culture showing Botticelli's "The Birth of Venus", except Venus is being raped by an evil Muslim while George W Bush looks on with rage
  • The Norwegian euro would make Scandinavia look a lot less like a penis if it were ever made
  • The Dutch Euro has a Pornmovie on one side and drugs on the other.

Pronunciation[edit]

The letter sequence E-U-R-O is a linguistic phenomenon. Practically every European will create his or her own pronunciation for it:

  • Irish people will pronounce it exactly as it is written: You-row. (English people will pronounce it quite similarly but with a rather condescending undertone.)
  • French people will pronounce it somewhat like Oeh-row with a particular emphasis on the last syllable, like Oeh-rów.
  • Germans have their own idea how eu should be pronounced in the first place, therefore they say Oy-row.
  • Spanish people like their vowels one at a time, therefore it is Ay-oo-row for them. Portuguese do it similarly but try to add some mumbling, as with every other word.
  • Bulgarians and other slavic or cyrillic people will pronounce it Eff-row. And even this contains far too many vowels for their taste; if they could choose they would say Jfrf or Rrszszcklwsz or something like that.

Criticisms[edit]

Practical joke played during coin production[edit]

Daft practical joke

The designer of the coin layout, Salman Rushdie, apparently played a daft practical joke by making Sweden and Finland resemble a soft and floppy penis accompanied by its gym bag. (This does not appear on 2007 coins. I can only assume this is due to the EU flooding parts of Sweden and Finland in order to fix this "error") However, this turned out to be a major international conspiracy by the moslems of Iran. This resulted in the short, but bloody Coin War: (people from both sides pelted each other with coins) the war lasted 2 days, 3 hours, and 5 people died. A Muslim Imam decided to issue a second fatwa on Mr. Rushdie after the Euro was adopted in Iran. The Euro was adopted in Iran in 2005 in an attempt to reduce the value of the George Bush Whacky Fun Buck (otherwise known as the US Dollar) by selling its vast supply of manure and jam in Euros instead of GBWFBs.

Tendency to Asplode[edit]

Within the first month of circulation, it was noted that many unfortunate Euro users were being blown up by the new currency. The reason for this was eventually determined to be that the currency was created out of Anti-matter, so that if any currency came into contact with any forgeries, the two would react violently and destroy the counterfeit money. Unfortunately, the currency also was prone to asplode if exposed to any other form of matter.

In Antarctica, this situation was resolved by having Euros created out of ice instead. Other countries soon switched their choice material for coinage production to substances consisting of matter. Today, only Texas still produces anti-matter Euros (see Below).

Use in Weaponry[edit]

Because Euros asplode they are used instead of Depleted Uranium in Texan Nuclear Bombs.

Conspiracies[edit]

A number of conspiracy theorists have suggested that the Euro is in fact part of a great plot to take over the world by blurring the differences between different sovereign nations, thus removing the hassle of evil armies of having to conquer each separate nation on earth. As this has foiled every single attempt to take over the world to date by making evil overlords get fed up and quit, people have petitioned for the scrapping of the Euro in light of this.

There have been numerous suggestions that the Euro may be, in fact, a global Jewish conspiracy,but these critics have been accused of being uncreative and were sent back to think of an original enemy. They are believed to now be blaming the Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society.

As a magickal symbol[edit]

The € the magickal symbol of all Satanists living in Estonia. Since all Satanists listen to trance, hardstyle, hardcore, hardhouse and hardtrance (in some odd cases hardclassical, hardjazz and hardrap) music, about 98% of Estonians are Satanists. Whenever you see this sign, know that there is a rave or a nightclub nearby. Also know that there are lots of drug dealers selling you aspirin, soft drinks, hot dogs and dried corn leaves.

These "€-satanists" have many colonies in Netherlands, Belgium and Germany. Thanks to big support of these countries, € is also a symbol of Euro.

See Also[edit]