The Eurofighter Typhoon (Also known as the EF 2000, Typhoon, Badass Wagon and Flying IT suite) Is a fighter jet that flies in at 1300 mph, looks you in the face, grins evilly, then blows you to kingdom come. Flown by one or two pilots, depending on mood, the Eurofighter is so hard to fly even computers can't do it, so the pilots have to get off their fat arses to attempt to fly it. Armed with long things like penises, but bigger, sharper, and potentially more explosive, it penetrates all targets with ease. In fact it can do that up to 8 times, then make lots of holes in them with its gun built into the fuselage. Probably better than a F-22, it has outmaneuvered it in a dogfight, but it would most likely crash if flown into the side of a mountain.
“It will bring peace, power and security to my new empire!”
“Your new empire?!”
Apparently a "multirole" fighter, the Eurofighter was developed in response to the break-throughs in faster-than-light travel and apocalyptic nanotechnology by Al-Qaeda and various other terrorist groups.
A further, notable, use was the Eurofighter's inclusion at air shows, attracting crows from miles around to be sucked into the plane's jet engines, many spectators left feeling "guilty but pleasured".
The following is actual real undiluted utter fact.
- Top Speed: Better than a bus. A lot better.
- How high it can go: Higher than John Lennon armed with a seventeen foot weed rollup.
- Range: Free range (except the one kept in the royal aviary if the tourists get bored of endless sparrows)
- Crew: An overqualified fat man with a posh accent.
- Missiles: Big and pointy.
- Bombs: Got some of those.
- Guns: One for the pilot for when robot planes finally make the fucker redundant.
The Eurofighter was once thought to be a revolutionary and arrogantly European venture into arial combat, that is until someone pointed out the fact it was just another attempt to jazz something up by adding the prefix "euro" to it, after the "europod" and "euromac" a more exciting approach was needed to interest the public. In fact, the Eurofighter only received press coverage on its release as many news executives believed the name implied a combat-based reality television show.
From a technical perspective the plane was said to be too heavy by leading weight experts and too light by leading plane experts, the debate that ensured ended any productive attempts to decide on weight modification, resulting in the removal of the "weighty" cockpit salted snacks and keeping of the onboard fireplace. A small safety concern was noted when an inside engineer on the project, during a drunken arguement, that to save costs, no seatbelts or helmets were included in the design.
The Eurofighter is being gradually phased out in favor of the more versatile and efficient box kite, with many pilots currently training to avoid unnecessary and tiring re-launches, caused by distraction and over compensation.
The European Union hopes to, one day, produce an aircraft capable of carrying human cargo and has invested heavily in the microlight industry and has begun to send archeologists in search of the fabled technology lost in 1945.