Eurogamer

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Eurogamer is the worlds leading resource in yoga and yoga tips. 'Eurogamer' is a play in the words 'yoga' and 'community' which reflects the sites subject and focus.

GamesRadar is a part of the Sony plan for world domination on the Lost Continent of Mu. Eurogamer was first conceived as a bastion of moral supremacy after the Great Wall of Mu failed to stem the tide of invading tards that were hell-bent on abolishing grammar, punctuation and logical thought. The user 'foreverafternothing' is a FAG LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!.

It should also be noted that squarejawhero is the definition of the phrase "detestable, vile, twat who you would love to punch in the face for being a smarmy little rat faced cunt".

The following information is massively out of date and not particularly funny.

So heres a joke:

What is the worlds strongest fruit? Geoff Grapes

Community[edit]

The main body of Eurogamer consists of a pit of squealing console owners with big balls. The user 'Rauper' is the supreme overlord of the Eurogamer empire and is a dictator of sorts. Behaviour mostly involves moaning about how Europe is treated by publishers and telling other people how little you are interested in upcoming games that you have no interest in.

Part of EGs 'care in the community' project involves a revolving door moderation policy. This means that even the most hatefully retarded cockshiner gets a clean slate and welcomed back with open arms the minute he is banned.

The PC gamers are known to be elitist, and they think they are better than the console gamers. More intelligent, more mature, and dare I say it, better looking. But then again, Hitler was fairly intelligent and elitist, but that didn't make him right.

Basically anything with the term "Euro" attached to it refers to a bunch of gay-wads.

Euphemisms[edit]

Curtains

  • This implies self-gratification with cooking utensils which are then wiped on said curtains.

Jaffa cake, Marmite, Toast

  • Also used in self-gratification. Use your imagination.

"She looks like a twelve year old boy." "I still would."

  • One of the most prized curries is the 'twelve year old curry' made of little girls that look like little boys. Alternatively children when very young can be worn as mittens.
  • Her's, was like a wizard's sleeve.

Eurogamer forum[edit]

The forum is now one of the most important aspects of the Eurogamer site, to the extent that many readers never even bother looking at the main page. Whether as an information resource, social discussion or even occasionally talk about games, if you need to find something out, you can usually get an answer quickly thanks to the many posters.

Through the forum, many video games' presences have been graced with a Eurogamer clan. These consist mainly of online First Person Shooters and Massively Multiplayer games, most notably Battlefield 2, City of Heroes, World of Warcraft and (before the demise of the thread) Eve-Online. Ghost Recon 2 and Flatout were notable console games which were organised through the forum, although, since the launch of the Xbox 360, online matches on consoles are gaining in popularity among the "forumites".

Eurogamer has its own gaming server, aka. "The Dirtbox" in dubious honour of its original administrator (who is a pious bellend) which is open to regulars and the general public, currently running Battlefield 2.

Over the years the community has extended beyond the confines of the Internet and there are regular Geekmeets (social occasions usually held in London) and LAN parties where a variety of console and PC games are played.

Commonly used shorthand and smilies[edit]

  • (o/ - putting on coat after making a particularly bad joke
  • o_O - a look combining disgust, disbelief, pity and incomprehension
  • +1 - I agree - only to be used when requiring a severe beating to avoid work or court appearances
  • o/ - Hand up
  • \o/ - Yay
  • /o\ - We bow down in the presence of your infinite daftness
  • /curtains - Used to denote a moment of extreme (self induced) happiness
  • /goat - As in 'sucks from the coooooooooock of goats'
  • /bucket - As in, oh, God, I need to throw up
  • /popcorn - Sit back and just watch
  • FTW As in "For the win". Borrowed from various other gaming forums, roughly equates to "is the best", but often used in jest. Eg. "Rise of the Robots FTW!"
  • \o? Scratching head in confusion
  • /// - I'm a sergeant. Fuck off eyes left, I'll have you up on charges, yes sergeant major sir, you 'orrible lot, left, left, left right left, you cunts.
  • /coat - when you've stated that you'd rather shag mapsters mum than play the game.

Running gags[edit]

Because many of the regular visitors to the forum have been doing so for years, the Eurogamer community (not surprisingly) has a series of running gags. The ones listed below are not intended to be an exhaustive list, but merely to offer an insight and explanation to newcomers.

  • The Eurogamer food of choice is the Jaffa Cake. Often used as a form of "virtual currency" by way of token appreciation.
  • Curtains - comes from WOPR's old habit of saying "/wipes dick on curtains" every time something nice happened. "Oldest reference"
  • The Eurogamer mode of transport of choice is the motorbike, more commonly referred to as the 'm0t0rb1k3' often used in the question 'Does it have m0t0rb1k35?'.
  • Meh - Commonly used by forumites to show their disinterest in any given topic, post or subject.
  • (Something) is better than Halo (referring to the 8/10 score that Halo received).
  • Mugwum's "inspired" weekly roundups of upcoming games. Sadly defunct it seems. Although it seems that Blerk has recently decided to pick up the 'old misery sums up this week's new releases' baton and run with it. Run, Blerk! Run!
  • /handbags - clutched by all when a typically pointless flamewar gets under way with sense of humour failures all round
  • PB:SoJ - Primal Badger: Snouts of Justice, a fictional game name created as a satire. Little-known to recent arrivals but much-loved by longer-serving regulars. Spawned a fake site and there are references to an official eurogamer preview.
  • "She looks like a 12 year old boy." - (The common response to the posting of an image, normally followed up by "I still would")
  • "There really is no point." - after the famous forum thread "if you're getting a xbox360 and have not got a HDTV there really is no point" (Note: the member responsible for the thread has been put on global ignore so his comments are not shown. This was Qualified, referenced to in many other threads.)
  • OLD! - Shouted when something has been reported in an older forum thread, location on the site, or on the internet in general. Has been known to generate offence amongst forumites but is generally used in good humour and should be taken so.
  • Sock - A codeword for someone that is known to others (usually a regular) but is posting under a different username in an attempt to be funny. This is rarely the case.
  • "this thread is useless without pics" - Used when discussing girlfriends, booth babes and embarrassing moments. Oldest usage.
  • Threadkiller - A forumite who ends threads. One notable example is Toonster, who has been referred to as the 'EG Forum Plague' in the past. Bunda is picking up the pastime, but the ultimate threadkiller is Tumbleweed, who always knows when to kill a thread.
  • And who the f*ck are you? - First used by kalel, and now officially adopted into the EG lexicon. Not meant with any ill intent (most of the time), but particularly useful when a 16k'er or higher attempts to put someone older in their place. Or if someone has been away for a while. Possibly evolved from koti's infamous "And you are..?" question, but this is unconfirmed.
  • Furbs "Nan" (aka ZombieWoman) - A particularly nasty and horrible image of an elderly lady with only a headscarf and sunglasses covering her modesty. Known to cause fear and anger among forumites in equal measure. Whilst only posted twice, and late at night, people should still beware any link posted by said contributor, especially ending in "yuck.jpg". It may actually be Furbs' mother. Recently, Furbs has posted a much less obvious link to 'Nan' on other webforums, and then linked to said webforum in the EG forum, also without warning.
  • Schmackofatz - Given by eurogamer.de mod "Lea" as a means to cement relationships between the .net and .de sites, the word whilst yet unexplained or defined has already been accepted and adopted by the community. Mainly on account of it sounding good and the fact its been provided by a girl.
  • SmileyDudette's obsession with the painfully obvious Japanese ca$hcow game THE [email protected] She uses this to annoy people when she's asked if she bunking off primary school. (SmileyDudette is 11 this year.)
  • Bunda's 'retarded mate'. Not known whether he exists or not, but since the "Massive EG Apology" thread where Bunda blamed the creation of countless useless socks on a retarded mate of his, forumites forum-wide have always been able to state, "uh... it was my retarded mate."
  • Planet! Used to point out an obvious advert that is masquerading as a genuine post. Sometimes used as a joke on genuine posts.

Top posters/Spammers/Slackers[edit]

The Eurogamer forum does not use a post count. However, following a server move, the following details were bought to light as to the top twenty people who should find something else to do.

Forumite Post Count
joeking 1,500,000
otto 21839
Lutz 20041
Mike_Hunt 18793
BartonFink 17118
Furbs 16876
Nemesis 16300
Blerk 16252
Whizzo 15420
vermin 15087
ssuellid 14931
rhythm 12820
Razz 12757
Dirtbox 12467
UncleLou 12242
sam_spade 11791
Retroid 11328
k.o.t.i 10488
kalel 10435
rotj -9912

This info is correct as of 14/02/06.

The rotj saga[edit]

Rotj was a gaping vagina.

Unable to keep on point, rotj began posting randomly, often contradicting himself and making very little sense. The only thing each of his posts had in common was his love of Microsoft and a penchant for posting lists. Soon his lists became too much for several members of the Eurogamer forum, who promptly spat out their collective dummies, threw their toys from the pram and other baby related metaphors. The resulting hissy fit resulted in a waaaaahmbulance being called and the affected forumites taken away to a custom built forum designed so they could navel gaze in peace.

Rotj was finally thwarted in 2007 when after an epic battle that lasted 7 years the forum sages cast him into a parallel universe where he still posts his mind bending rants and lists to this day. It has been foretold that one day rotj will return to wreak havok once again, also referred to as the judgement day.

Despite his strenuous denials, it is known that dixons is rotj's current incarnation. The giveaway is his inability to alter his embarassingly verbose and irritating writing style; the clearest sign of a rotj infiltration is the sudden appearance of a forumite who uses a paragraph to say what others can in three or fewer words.

The Ecosse chronicles[edit]

Ecosse bums innocent rabbits.

Though little is known of Ecosse's origin or motives, his unwavering support and promotion of Nintendo's products have led some forumites to speculate that he is an early AI program created by Shigeru Miyamoto, in his bedroom when he was 5 years old, that was inadvertently set loose. Another prevalent theory is that Ecosse is an alter-ego of the Mario creator, driven insane by producing the same three games over and over again. But because his fanboyism is unusually rabid and therefore more likely to convince people to avoid Nintendo products, others contend that he is, in fact, albundy/rotj/joeking/dixons/cuntyface, a sign of the apocalypse foretold in Eurogamer lore.

Blizeh and his pudding[edit]

He once ate some pudding instead of watching football - a man who knows more about his pudding than his footy.

As from 14:15 on 20/04/2010, Blizeh is currently banned, bringing up a landmark 50th banning this year alone. Please refer to the "Community" section of this page to see if Blizeh will be welcomed back to the EG community with open arms.

Links[edit]