Eve
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“Yeah, God said I could put ur mom in there too”
~ Adam on Eve
Eve Southwold :@:@ (4004 BC) is best known to computer scientists as the first Apple user, as well as being the inventor of the palindrome. She is also famous for using the Apple II. Because of the result of her action, she is also commonly known as "Eve of Destruction". Known to have caused great fear and panic during the War of 1812, Eve partnered with Davy Crockett and fought using Holy Hand Grenades causing the great Turnip Famine of northern Zimbabwe.
She is also the inventor of the world's second-oldest weapon of mass destruction, the Eve reputed for ten times more explosive power than the original Adam Bomb.
When she grew tired of her existence as an apple eater, she became a porn star under the guidance of the Virgin Mary who sold her as a sex-slave to Prince Charles of the Roman Empire in 20 BC.
She dipped her cookies in the very first Grade-A jizz (street for "semen") made by Adam.
[edit] Biblical Eve
While the preceding account is the most accepted by Christians, Jews and Muslims, it is not what is found in the Bible (most religious people are illiterate). According to Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht (Latin for King James Version: The Lies of God), Eve was the first sex-changed clone. She was created from genetic material taken from a rib of Adam, who was an Ensign in the British Navy and the first nudist. Adam's Y chromosome was removed by Dr. Sinister Craven of Muppet Labs, and his X chromosome was duplicated. This was intended to make Eve's chromosomes XX. Unfortunately, due to a mixup involving Dr. Craven's lab assistant Beaker (who confused the word "seaman" for "semen,") Eve got another X. This is why, when she was released from the lab at age 12, she quickly became the first XXX rated child porn star.
What happened next is contained in the King James Version of Genesis 12:69-96: "And GOD saw the daughter Eve that HE had made, and that she was gracious fair to look upon. And GOD didst become jealous of Adam, for HE was a jealous GOD, and was great with horniness and HE was great with himself, for greatly engorged didst become his organ of copulation, which was called in those days Monty Python. So GOD slew Adam while he slept under a tree in the garden by dropping an apple upon his head. Then GOD didst create another man out of the dust of the ground, and called his name Steve, meaning "gay," for thus wouldst GOD have no competition. And GOD knew his daughter Eve, and she didst become great with child, and gave birth to a son and to a daughter. And are their names not Reverend Loveshade and Lilith, and can they not be found in the Book of Names, being known as the White Pages?"
Eve kept the apple that killed Adam, and later used it to create the Trojan War, which was a major conflict involving condom manufacturers. This was after she changed her name to Eris, and became the Goddess of Discordianism.
[edit] Sewer of Sin Eve
For Saint Paul and Saint Augustine - Eve was simply a cesspit of sin who let a snake seduce her away from God and that Adam wasn't man enough to keep her in check. So a curse was put upon them both. This meant that Man now had a divine mission to keep the woman in her place - childbearing,cooking, cleaning and listening to him moan at night about his job. For women who refused to follow these rules there was ETERNAL DAMNATION.
[edit] See also
