ExOps

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“Do you enjoy working in a fast paced environment where death is just one step away, no matter where you stand? Have you thought about looking for a point-man position guarding a company's interests in a war zone? Have an out-spoken criminal record in homicide or other life-sentencing acts of violence? NO PROBLEM. Because WE have a place for even YOU!”

~ ExOps Radio Advertisement

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about ExOps.

ExOps, short for "Executive Operations", was founded on January 3rd 2001 by Ben Dover in Glasgow, Scotland. Ben hoped to have the most successful PMC, but when Blackwater Security heard of this, they were threatening to file a lawsuit.Ben wasn't moved by these threats, and hired disabled Vietnam War veterans to join him. ExOps was soon involved in conflicts around the world, ranging from The Troubles in Northern Ireland, to communism in North Korea and saving an army general from a military Coup in Venezuela. But when it was just getting popular, some dumbass pushed a button and sent a nuclear missile straight for Vice City. Ben Dover was captured and sentenced to Death on May 4th, 2006. As of 2009, the company is owned by a former ExOps employee, Jack Myall, and ExOps is now located in London, England.

[edit] Fleet

ExOps is known to have a very extensive fleet of tanks and helicopters. most of them have been eroded by rust due to inactivity, causing only minute helicopters for able usage.However, the company does get a small amount of money for selling spare, rusted parts to Afghanistan (Whether this is legal is still being handled by the best conspiracy theorists, who are people from Congress).

"Jack, there's a guy in the road." "Ahh, fuck him, run the little prick over."

[edit] Employees

Yet another successful hostage negotiation by ExOps.

• Jack Myall, President/General: Former ExOps employee. First Joined in 2004, and now the head. Promotions, promotions!
• Berk Myall, Special Ops/Intelligence/Hacker: Jacks Best friend and a geek. He collects Hornby Model Trains, and his cubicle is filled with them.
• Tom Myall, Medic: A tree hugging hippie who, strangely enough, knows about medical things.
• Marcus M. Marcus Jr. Sr., Generic Mercenary: Part of a very large family, he is a field sniper.
• Niko Bellic, Generic Mercenary: Born in Siberia, he is a generic assault merc. Nothing special...
• Claude Speed ......, ... .. ..... ......-......! ...... .... .. ....... .... .... ....... .... ......... .....! .......?
• Rick Crosby, Pilot: He is a former Royal Air Force pilot, and joined ExOps when an air strike went terribly wrong.
• Shawn Twat (Pronounced "Twate"), Engineer/Front Operator: He is the ExOps field mechanic/engineer. He owns the company front, a model train shop.

[edit] Notable Missions

• Blowing up a dozen Tescos stores just because their cashiers look like Afghan transvestites.
• Fighting in The Troubles
• Hiding Iraqi's Weapons of Mass Destruction to make George Bush look bad.
• Saving a military general from a coup in northern Venezuela.
• Assassinating 52 "Decks" in North Korea.
• Assassinating Encyclopedia Dramatica's SpellCheckers.
• Guarding Uncyclopedia from Wikipedian Vandal attacks.

[edit] Offices

The standard use ExOps cubicle, designed to cause mass suicide.

The ExOps offices were originally located on 13 Clyde St., Glasgow, with a Wonderful view of a polluted river. But after the 2009 bankruptcy, the offices have been moved to 42 South Parkway in London. It fell from 6 stories to 2, 5 helipads to 1, and from 79 to 4 Cubicles. All the changes have been made to save expenses.

[edit] The Carrot Patch

Operation: Final Solution, better known as "The Carrot Patch", was a very contreversial act made by ExOps in 2002. It was called "The Final Solution", as a final solution for ridding the middle east of the talibans, but the press called it "The Carrot Patch", as ExOps employees dressed them up in orange and put green bags on their heads, serving them dead "Carrots" and making them sleep outside. A Thai prisoner had this to say: “ฉันไม่เคยรู้คุณสามารถอ่านภาษาไทย. คุณต้องมีเช่น-แปลมัน!”

~ {{{2}}}

He said it was a very happy place

Operaton:Final Solution

[edit] Lawsuits

Though succesfull, ExOps have been sued multiple times. Here are the cases:

• Tom possesed dozens of Garden Gnomes in Belfast with evil souls, killing thousands. The case was settled out of court.
• Berk yelled out "This...Is...SPARTA!" out of boredom, screwing up old farts' hearing aids.
• Jack was a scottish man in Northern Ireland. That is a Racial screw-up!

An ExOps roadblock. Little did they know tht the bad guys escaped by road.

[edit] Allies/Enimies

• Allies
• Uncyclopedia
• United Nations
• Hippies
• Enimies
• Chavs
• You
• Encyclopedia Dramatica
• Wikipedia