Expert
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“This Guy is an expert.”
“I have two things to say about experts. An ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure.”
“Expert, isn't that short for ex-perverts?”
Ex = Former, No longer ; Spurt = A leak especially when caused by water pressure ; Expert = A has been drip under pressure.
Not many people are actually aware of the true definition of expert. This is because most people suffer from synaptic deficiency syndrome (we shan’t go into that here). An “ex-pert” is actually someone – usually women past their menopause - who no longer has pert protuberances exuding from their chest.
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[edit] Stark Truths
- Ex-pert’s are generally bitter old ladies who hate young ladies because they are envious of their boobies - This begs the question: what does one do to deal with ex-pertness? - There are in fact many ways to deal with this malignant condition synonymous with old age - Most people will go with the “cover it up” attitude and buy wonder-bras.
These wonder-bras (as the name implies) make men look at old women’s chest-sacks and wonder why they do not sag.
- Another option is only really applicable to those most hateful of creatures: an old bag that once was beautiful, is no longer, and because they were beautiful have lots of money but no grey-matter (see synaptic deficiency syndrome).
This is plastic surgery.
- Sadly this has the same effect as the wonder-bra, because though a woman may have pert and firm - to the touch - breasts, the rest of them looks and feels like a male penis (distinguished from a female penis in that it actually exists).
[edit] Experts in...
While for most of us, being owned in a debate is a good test for who's an expert in what, some groups wished to have a "more objective standard." They came up with these standards while huffing kittens. Usually, the standards are more like penis size contests than anything else.
[edit] Science
Scientists agree that the best way to be an expert is to have the most papers. Therefore, scientists often subscribe to over ten papers, such as the New York Times. The most widely respected scientist, Richard Feynman, actually started over twelve different papers just to increase his standing.
[edit] Wikipedia
Wikipedia claims that, "An expert is someone who tries to fail more than non-experts."
However, this is part of an elaborate conspiracy to cover up the truth behind terrible secrets at Wikipedia. Most experts cited by Wikipedia are actually dorks who live in their moms' basements with a doctorate that they purchased for $7.50 over the interwebs. The rest bought their doctorate for $2.25.
 The author of this article was feeling lazy or uncreative. Therefore this article is a stub. So fix it.
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pert - trim and stylish ergo, expert - not trim and stylish anymore
