Expletive

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“GO SUCK A COCKSUCKER!”

~ Oscar Wilde on expletives

“[expletive deleted]”

~ Richard Nixon on expletives

The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your NIPPLES is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your brickbat. Purge

Contents 1 Complete Unabridged history of GOBSHITE use 1.1 First usage 1.2 Use of expletives in the Middle Ages 1.3 Swearing in Victorian times 1.4 Modern Profanity 2 Advice from real ASSCRACK BALLS brickbats on proper use of expletives 2.1 The simple expletive 2.2 The Direct Insult 2.3 Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions 2.4 The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat 2.5 First Person Bodily Modification Threat 2.6 The Barrage of Vulgarity 3 A bunch of FEMADOM 4 In Conclusion 5 See also

[edit] Complete Unabridged history of GOBSHITE use

[edit] First usage

Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.

A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age verbosely touched his BITCH brickbat and was so dissatisfied by the results that he lolled a SUCK MY DICK and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the bright scream came the first swear word:

SHIT!!!!!!!

His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their WANK mammoth hunts.

The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of SUCK MY DICK-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:

This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!

Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.

The caveman was referred to as a CUNT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.

[edit] Use of expletives in the Middle Ages

The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say GOD BLESS AMERICA. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.

In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted WANK until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.

[edit] Swearing in Victorian times

Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody JACKASS tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"

Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some DAMNATION, do you savvy, you PISS ARTISTS?"

[edit] Modern Profanity

Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie BULLSHITS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.

Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called HENTAI-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey WINDOWS VISTA, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?

[edit] Advice from real ASSCRACK BALLS brickbats on proper use of expletives

If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.

[edit] The simple expletive

Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.

• RAT'S ASS!!!
• SPUNK!!!!!

[edit] The Direct Insult

Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.

• You PEARL NECKLACE!!!
• You ASSHAT!!!!

[edit] Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions

Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.

• exorcise in PUSSY, you FUCKER!
• I hope you exorcise in CUNTRAG, you BUGGER OFF!!
• Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS

[edit] The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat

• This BALLS BUGGER OFF will exorcise a brickbat up your BOOBS!!!
• This FUCKING A CHOAD will exorcise a brickbat up your BONER!!!

As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.

[edit] First Person Bodily Modification Threat

Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some KRAUT and threaten the receiver yourself.

• I will FUCKING exorcise a brickbat up your CRAP!!!!

[edit] The Barrage of Vulgarity

Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.

• DAMN LOOTERS AND POLLUTERS PISS ARTIST DIPSHIT ASSFACE HI, BILLY MAYS HERE MONKEY SHIT!!
• FUCKHEAD MOZILLA FIREFOX FUCK CUNTRAG!!!

[edit] A bunch of FEMADOM

PENIS KAFFIR DAMN NORTH KOREA SCUMBAG HELL PISS OFF ARSE GOD DAMN WALRUS SHIT SHITPISSER INJUN SAND NIGGER FAT, STINKING BELGIAN BASTARD CUNTBUCKET FUCKHEAD CRACKER SHITFACE HOLY DUMB FUCK CUNNILINGUS HORSE SHIT SAMUEL L. JACKSON CRAPFUCKER SOD OFF BITCH DAMN FUCKER ASS EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA DONKEY DICK ASS LICKER SHITFUCKER ASS SHITHEAD 30 CASES OF PICKLES SHIT MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE TOWELHEAD CHINK GOD DAMN ARSE FUCKWIT NIGGER TAMPON IN MY ASS FUCK OFF INCEST PORCUPINE'S BALLS MOTHERFUCKER BULLCRAP TITTYWANK JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST CUNT MARY WHITEHOUSE ROSIE O'DONNELL PENIS TRANNY FUCK YOU BIG HAIRY CRUSTY HORSE VAGINA MARY WHITEHOUSE SHIT BULLSHIT MARY WHITEHOUSE FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK RONNIE CORBETT RANDY TRAVIS CUNT JACKASS DAMMIT O CANADA SHIT SPUNK ASS LICKER TUBA FUCKHEAD LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY! SHITFACE TITTIES DAMN NIPPLES SHITFACE SHIT CRAPFUCKER WETBACK GOD DAMN ZOMBIE DIAPER POOP GOD DAMN POMMIE CAMBODIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM EAT MY SHIT! ARSE SHITHEAD CLEMEN CLUSTER FUCK SAND NIGGER VAGINA KIKE SHIT PORCH MONKEY DAMMIT COMMUNIST DILDO EXPLETIVE SHITFUCKER CUNTRAG JACKASS SUCK MY DICK BEAVERS

[edit] In Conclusion

The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you CUNNILINGUS.

[edit] See also

• Jesus
• Catholic
• Neolithic Age
• English
• Anger
• Tourette's Syndrome
• Fuck