Expletive

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“GO SUCK A I WILL KILL YOU!!”

~ Oscar Wilde on expletives

“[expletive deleted]”

~ Richard Nixon on expletives
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Expletive.

The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your PICKANINNY is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society. Purge

Complete Unabridged history of CRAPPY use[edit]

First usage[edit]

Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.

A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age hoarsely touched his NORTH KOREA Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society and was so dissatisfied by the results that he sacrificed a HADJI and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the defective scream came the first swear word:

SHIT!!!!!!!

His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their BASTARD mammoth hunts.

Oh my god it's a WANK-toothed tiger!

The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of WANKSPLAT-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:

This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!

Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.

The caveman was referred to as a DICK for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.

Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]

The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say CHOAD. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.

In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted FUCK until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.

Swearing in Victorian times[edit]

Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody BITCH tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"

That CUM PRICK shot a cannonball at my Black Pearl!

Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some COON, do you savvy, you SAGGY TITSS?"

Modern Profanity[edit]

Fisher Price, a literary masterpiece which fully utilizes OBSCENE FUCKING VULGARITY to great effect.

Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie TESTICLE CHOKES, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.

Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called HORSE PENIS-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey MONKEY SHIT, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?

Advice from real FUCKFACE EPIDIDYMIS Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Societys on proper use of expletives[edit]

If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.

The simple expletive[edit]

Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.

  • COON!!!
  • CLEMEN!!!!!

The Direct Insult[edit]

Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.

  • You BITCH!!!
  • You WOP!!!!

Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]

"Luke, I am your father!" "You gotta be SHITTING me, you SAMUEL L. JACKSON -head!"

Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.

  • explode in SHITSLINGING, you EXTRA LONG PENIS!
  • I hope you explode in FUCK OFF, you BASTARD!!
  • Crazyfatkid.gif Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS

The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]

  • This JAP BONER will explode a Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society up your SCROTUM!!!
  • This FUCKING A BOON will explode a Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society up your FUCKWIT!!!

As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.

First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]

Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some JAP and threaten the receiver yourself.

  • I will FUCKING explode a Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society up your TWAT!!!!

The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]

Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.

  • FELCHMONKEY ASSWIPE FELLATIO CUNT CRAPPER FUCKING JUMP! SEMEN FUCK!!
  • CLUSTER FUCK PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS COCKSTUFFER NIGGER!!!


A bunch of TRANNY[edit]

AUTOFELLATIO SHITE COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT ALEX TREBEK DICKHEAD ASS LICKER WHY DON'T YOU MAKE LIKE A BANANA AND SHIT? TESTICLE CHOKE CLAY AIKEN'S DICK FUCKER HELL BITCH DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT DICKFACE TURD NIPPLES ASS ASSWIPE CROTCH YOU WANKER SHIT HOMO COCK FUCKER AUTOFELLATIO BUGFUCK FUCK OFF FREEDOM OF SPEECH BALLS TAMPONS PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS VAGINA LIMEY FUCKWIT BITCH FLYING RAT'S ASS REBECCA BLACK NICARAGUA PUSSY JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING BICYCLE NORTH KOREA JACKASS DIPSHIT ASSHAT COCKSHITTER BULLCRAP SPICY CUNT FUCK FUCKFACE ASS DOUCHEBAG P'KANG RAT'S ASS AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI SHITTY ASSCRACK GOATSE FELLATIO FUCKSTAIN CUNT CAMEL JOCKEY PISS UP MY ARSE FAG FUCKING FUCKHEAD BALLS SHITFUCKER PENIS ON A BUN GOD DAMN SHIT BITCH SHITE DOODIE HEAD ASSHOLE ASS PISS UP MY ARSE FLYING RAT'S ASS MY COMMUNION WAFER OF HOLY DUMB FUCK STEVE BALLMER PIGFUCKER FUCKHEAD PAKI PEDOPHILIA TITTIES TITTIES TOSSER SUCK MY COCK PECKERHEAD SUCK MY COCK THONG TASTER DAMN CRAPMUNCHER ALEX TREBEK CHAV ASSFACE DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT YID TITS I'D LIKE TO TENTACLE-RAPE ROUGE THE BAT WILLY WONKA TRANNY FRED PHELPS FUCKTARD ASSHAT BITCH CROTCH BEAVERS

In Conclusion[edit]

The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you DAMN.

See also[edit]