Extreme Bingo

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Creation Of A Legend[edit]

There are various storeys and novels about how Extreme Bingo was formed. One such theory was that Hitler and his posse were playing musical chairs and got bored, thus creating Extreme Bingo. Another theory is that God got bored and banishing mere mortals from his lucious gardens of Eden, so created Extreme Bingo to keep the human race of his apple tree. However, recent scietific research has proven that Extreme Bingo was made by middle-eastern religious terrorists. Since they created the game, it has changed though. There version was that if any of the numbers of your card were called out, you had to 'push the button'. At this point Sugababes would enter the room and sing one of their songs whilst you lead everyone else into the afterlife.

Etymology[edit]

The origination of the name 'Bingo' came when Bing Crosby began playing the game. Initially christened 'The Call Number Find On Sheet game', Bing Crosby soon got addicted. His wife repeatedly had to exclaim "Bing, oh Bing" in an attempt to make him stop playing. And thus the name stuck, resulting in the name we see today.

How is it played?[edit]

Since then it has changed though; these are the (il)legal and proper rules;

  • 1 - Buy a bingo sheet from Prudhoe Castle Gift shop and write your name in sign language in the top right hand corner. (Remember kids, black ink only!)
  • 2 - Numbers from 100-6.46 are then called out
  • 3 - If any of them numbers are yours, you must stand up
  • 4 - The last person to stand up is known as 'The Walt'
  • 5 - If anyone stood up at the square root of 65.7, they are known as 'The Balt'
  • 6 - The remaining contestants are known as 'The Criminals'
  • 7 - 'The Criminals' must stand in the order they stood up in. If people stood up at the same time, a death-match is required. Anyone with a monobrow is killed instantly by 'The Walt' and 'The Balt'.
  • 8 - 2 People are selected from 'The Criminals' by means of Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe performed by *'The Walt' and 'The Balt' to be 'The Dolts'
  • 9 - 'The Criminals' then kill 'The Walt', 'The Balt', and 'The Dalts' in the quickest time possible
  • 10 - When only 'The Criminals are left, the game is reperformed
  • 11 - The final player is known as 'The Kolt' and is declared the winner.

This game is currently only found in sleazy alleyways, mental institutes and shady casinos. Play at your own risk, but if you don't want to play, prepare to be called a wuss.

Extreme Bingo In The Media[edit]

Extreme Bingo has been bigged-up by many celebrities and appeared on TV several times. A whole progam dedicated to the 'Extreme Bingo Premiership' on ITV3, but was axed after only 7 episodes due to poor ratings. Extreme Bingo has also had many songs written for/about it. One such songs is 'Flying The Flag' by British pop band, Scooch. The song depicts the most famous Extreme Bingo game in the entire history of mankind (see below). It has also been mentioned in Friends, Er, Ugly Betty and Croatia.

Game X[edit]

Marking the 145th anniversary of Extreme Bingo, CNN broadcasted the greatest game of Extreme Bingo known to man - Game X. Taken from Great Expectations, Game X involved 30 blood-hungry toddlers, all desperate to get the hands on the special prize - the Holy Grail. The game lasted 58 minutes and Edward Howie (now known as Henry) won the game. The game was held a the Metro Radio Arena in England, although being broadcasted all over the globe. Highlights of the show can be seen Here

Fabulous Prizes![edit]

There have yet to be any winners of Extreme Bingo, as all players usually end up dead or insane. Captain Kirk claims to be the world champion of Extreme Bingo, though it's highly doubted by some experts who claim he was just the first one to get there after the place blew up.

The winner gets several prizes, ranging from £10.50-£13.50 + VAT:

  • "Get out of your grave free" card - A normal scrap of cardboard enchanted so that it grants the owner immortality. Its actual effectiveness is unknown.
  • Toaster Oven - An exquisite and fabulous toaster oven, which can be used to cook all sorts of food items.
  • A Spork - This is given to the family of the losers as a token of Sorry