Fucktard
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“I try to have some sympathy for the poor bastards, but Jesus it's fucking impossible.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Fucktards
“I agree”
~ Jesus on Fucktards
“Am I one of them? ”
~ Captain Oblivious on Fucktards
“If you have to ask...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Fucktards
Contents |
[edit] Definition of a Fucktard
The word fucktard originated on the livejournal of a 10 year old hooker named Sophieyy Juicebush. Sophieyy, who usually receeved blunt derogatory comments about the size of her mangina, one day received a rather insulting reference to how she had sex with her 24 cousins, at the same time. She then responded to this lucid pedophile by saying "Youuu fucktard....fuck off..'. Sophieyy claims the word was created by combining the words "fuck" and "retard". Instead of wasting valuable split seconds calling some one a "fucking retard", one can simply call that person a "fucktard". Quite ingenious, really. Others feel it a portmanteau of fuckhead and retard.
A recent study funded by the National Endowment of the Arts came to a different conclusion. Fucktard is actually based on the Middle French fuctarde, a portmanteau of Old French words derived from the Old German fokken, "to strike", and Latin tardare, "to delay". The term dates back to the tolling of the bells in Paris for the Holy Mass at each of the city's seventy-eight ornate cathedrals. The fuctarde was the bell-ringer who started frantically pulling the rope when he woke up from a drunken stupor every Sunday afternoon.
The only problem with this otherwise impeccably well-founded study is that it's all bullshit: you can't accept $65,000 in public grant money and go back and tell them that it was Sophieyy Juicebush after all!
Fucktards exist in every aspect and class of society. From the upper upper class, to the middle class, all the way down to lower class and beyond, fucktards exist everywhere. There is no exception. They are among us at all levels of society. At work, in school, both in public and private sectors, governments, secret societies, and more. There is at least one amongst most groups. There is no filtering system to "weed out" fucktarded people. In fact, some even work together in packs within which all members are fucktards, even nationwide and global networks, to coordinate their efforts of sheer utter fucktardery, only to reveal themselves as one big collective fucktard whole once again.
[edit] Classification
The so-called word "fucktard" falls in the category of prejudism, discrimination and bigotry.The term has been adapted by man whores to now refer to someone who is unbelievably bad at anal sex.
[edit] A Typical Fucktard:
May meet one or several of the descriptions listed below:
- Masturbates to Martha Stewart Living
- Is famous only for being famous, or for being arrested for DUI 3+ times
- Confuses illegal narcotics such as Cocaine and Methamphetamines with over the counter drugs such as Tylenol and Flintstones vitamins, and then attempts to sell them at local elementary schools
- Is over the age of 27 and still lives with their senile grandparents
- Anyone with three last names
- Anyone who thinks the words Noob, Noobtard, Noobie are funny and insulting in any way.
[edit] Usage
The word "fucktard" originated not long ago, and is used 99.8% of the time on YouTube and .2% of the time on other websites involve social interaction. It is used to insult someone that has done the following.
- Said that rap is better than metal
- Compared metal to rap in an idiotic fashion
- Spelled something wrong
- Ruined a joke
- Says the exact opposite of everyone in the comments section
- Is a "nigger"
- Is retarded
- Is a fat person
- Likes screamo
- Likes Fred
[edit] What to do when you meet a Fucktard?
Smile, don't make eye contact, avoid conversation, and quickly walk away.
Or, immerse yourself in their habitat and learn the way of the fucktards. Then (if you aren't bitten and turned into one, or eaten alive by them..) come back to the real world, publish a novel on it, use your earnings to: a) help the fucktards of the world become more human; b) retire to a mansion in Northern California with that dog you've always wanted to get, but your parents would never let you have because they were "allergic" ...
