Fahrenheit 451

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“Fahrenheit 451, the temperature at which the British army burns!”

~ Andrew Jackson on comparing the British Army to paper

“Fahrenheit 451 sounds like a high temperature!”

~ Captain Obvious on Fahrenheit 451


There are no pictures in this book, just text. Lots and lots of text.

Fahrenheit 451 (also called 451 for short because that big word is hard to spell) by Ray Bradbury is a book and therefore boring because it has so many words and text and runs for 172 freaking pages like I have the time to read that. A film was also made of it but it was like 2 hours long. Who would want to watch a boring movie about books for two hours? One of those freaking intellectuals, probably.

Story[edit]

The story of the novel is hard to follow, because of all the Adjectives and Similes and Justa... Juxstap... Jockstrap... Justaxaxupast... Other Crap Like That which Bradbury puts in to make him look clever. There are also a loads of long, rambling speeches about the media and crap which you can easily skip if you want, I did.

In Michael Moore's 2004 film Fahrenheit 9/11 there is a reference to Fahrenheit 451. Bradbury objected to the latter's allusion to his work, claiming that Moore "stole my title and changed the numbers without ever asking me for permission."

Also the dystopic theatrical play Fahrenheit 56K is about freedom of speech and Internet in a fictional dictatorship.

Author's Love Life[edit]

The Author himself, on the date of his 50th birthday. Was the first known man in Illinois to molest and then marry the 9 year old paper boy. He later wrote his experience in a book he called Annie Get Your My Dick He took it in himself to fuck the President himself, which later inspired him to write Fahrenheit 451. He Then fucked the entire cast of the Goonies, shortly after the movie. He fucked my neighbor's dog. sucked my dick. fucked the ninja turtles and the tooth fairy. Then he went on to preach abstinance and the dangers of pre-marital sex. He also has a very sensual baritone but lately hes got that old guy thing where whenever you talk it sounds like your mouth is full of spit.

The back of the book says that it is about this fireman Guy. In his world, people have realised how fucking stupid books are and burn them all. This is a bit odd because Fahrenheit 451 itself is a book but I guess we need to get the message across to those freaking intellectuals some way or another. It also talks about this Mechanical Hound which sounds cool but it's only mentioned a few times and it only kills one guy throughout the whole book. Then the blurb starts banging on about "Western civilisation's enslavement" and "poetic prose" and other long words like "prophetic". Do they seriously expect everyone to have dictionaries or what?

The book mainly contains people talking a lot or description about useless crap. There is a bit of burning like I saw on the cover but not really enough to be exciting. There is also a big explosion at the end, but Bradbury plonks a whole load of metaphors and description and hard words like "displaced" and "gouts" in the middle of it so it's not really worth it.

Hey, I'm Ray Bradbury- the man!

People set fire to things on pages 11, 45-47, 124, 127, 128, 153, and the big explosion is on pages 166-169. You can skip the rest of it and you won't miss much.

Planet Uranus[edit]

The story of the novel is too long but thats why SparkNotes comes in handy... basically the book is set in about the 21st or 22nd century where technology pwns.Ray Bradbury is obsessed with censoreship. Also see "The Pedestrian" by Bradbury. It's about control. I think that Bradbury should have been shot for writing such a stupid book. All books have been burned, everybody has nice projection tv's on their walls, and Unyclopedia has hacked Wikipedia.

I think SparkNotes also said that like everyone is so retarded in like the book since with tv and kickass technology and everything, people don't have like time to read fancy-shmancy books or fine art or whatever. That's like so fucking stupid 'cause I watch tv and play Halo 3 all the time and I learn a ton of good stuff there, like how Jack Bauer kicks terrorist ass and like how to pwn n00bs on Xbox Live. Besides, I don't need my grandma's vocab to write this friggin' article.

Another Heading Because That Big Bit Of Text All On It's Own Looked Boring[edit]

You'd think that with all the torturous reading he makes us go through that Bradbury would give us something to get an erection over, but no. There are only three chicks in the novel, and none of them get naked at any time. Mildred is Montag's wife so she's taken already. She's old, and when Montag asks her to do shit she doesn't even do it. Then there's this crazy book lady who in another life would probably be keeping cats, and then she goes and sets fire to herself which just isn't a turn on at all.

Finally, there's this hot girl named Clarisse who would be really great if she didn't talk so much, or at least got naked once in a while. Montag pretty much has the hots for her but he doesn't do anything because he's a freaking pussy and she's like 17. Then she gets run over by a car. Bradbury doesn't even get round to describing her breasts.

Writing This Is Boring, Let's See What's On Television[edit]

  • There's this guy catching trout on channel 1.
  • There is a documentary on The Discovery Channel about how cigarettes are manufactured.
  • Also Homer has hurt himself and said "D'oh".
    • It is funny when Homer says "D'oh".
  • Pornography!