Farting contest

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A Farting Contest is an entertaining and extremely dangerous activity for thrillseekers and wandering gyspies alike. First made popular by the prophet and world-renouned farting champion Moses over three thousand years ago, farting contests have become the standard for measuring of the skill and relative value of competors as human beings. Today over two-hundred million underground farting rings, known as piu tribes, exist across the globe and include some of the world's most prominent rulers and creative minds.


History[edit]

After being formally introduced to the public by Moses, farting contests were initially used for practical purposes such as solving domestic disputes. The hilarious custom quickly gained popularity and became the cornerstone of local culture. Word of the farting contest's divine judgement soon spread across the oceans of the world, uniting all peoples in harmony.

Unrest[edit]

However, some religions came to see the farting contest as an evil force of nature while others worshipped its practice and deified the local champions. The farting contest became the spark for many wars over the following centuries leading to billions upon billions of deaths. The most infamous of the conflicts from this era is the Trojan War which was a fight for Helen of Troy, the woman who possessed the "fart that could launch a thousand ships." -Homer

Violent disagreement about farting contests continued throughout the millennium until Jesus Christ traveled across the continent to inform the people of the uniting nature of this activity. He wrote extensively on this subject and preached to the masses on Mt. Saint Helen's of Troy that these contests were created by God himself. Unfortunately, no one attended His revolutionary Powerpoint presentation, and His hand-written documents have been eternally sealed in the Ark of the Covenant.

The Second Renaissance[edit]

Farting contests became an underground activity in the second century A.D. when the Romans began to throw the losers to the lions in the Colosseum. Members of secret farting contest colonies quietly spread their word across the globe in hopes of an eventual rebirth of the sacred practice. This rebirth, known as the Second Renaissance, took place in 2005 when the popular animated television program, Family Guy, brought the farting contest back into the mainstream after 18 centuries.

In this daring revival, Peter Griffin engages in a farting contest with film maker and xylophone player, Michael Moore and emerges victorius.

Applications[edit]

The first documented success of the farting contest as an instrument of battle occurred when the Hebrews coordinated a massive united contest to part the Red Sea and flee the Egyptians, who were led to slaughter them by Pharroh George W. Bush.