Faygo Red Pop
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Faygo Red Pop is made from a secret recipe created by Colonel Sanders in 1927. The "fourteen herbs and spices" he claimed made up the ingredients of the soda was proven in 1968 to be chicken blood diluted by equal parts water and bull semen (or Bull Shannon, depending on translation).
Mr. Shannon, "Bull" to his friends, denies any involvment. Evidence of this includes an autographed copy of Isaac Asimov's "I am not Spock," as well as the too strange not to be true fact that Bull Shannon is not an actual person. Rather he was a character from a crappy sitcom in the 80's and was played by two midgets named Richard Moll. Markie Post (aka Grand Rappa Post Markee) could not be reached for comment except for the following comment, "Christine Sullivan was not harmed during the filming of this episode."[1]
Oddly enough, sales doubled the following year, spurred by the use of the soda during concerts by Motown recording legends Insane Clown Posse.
Today, Faygo Red Pop is a Schedule III controlled substance, available by prescription only.
Faygo Red Pop is now being used to relieve moderate to severe pain but does contain side effects similiar to that of LSD. Effects include images of mad clowns and falling from the Ren Cen into the Detroit River. Note that the Detroit River is neither in Detroit nor a river. Leading experts believe it to be a blues singer from Winnipeg, Manitoba. Note also that Winnipeg Manitoba is a river near Detroit.
Faygo Red Pop has recently gained popularity amongst Black People and is soon to be considered the ultimate substitute for the ever-famous grape drink. Numerous convictions exist for this consideration by the great black man Condoleezza Rice who says that Kool-Aid is "the best drink ever, mother fucker" and that "That shit drink [faygo red pop or grape drink...it's hard to tell] will never replace good ol' Kool-Aid." Soon after, it was witnessed that "Condi" himself was seen purchasing the Faygo Red Pop two liter (for 29 cents) from the local 11-7.
[edit] Footnotes
- ^ Cristine Sullivan was indeed harmed during the filming of this episode. Her career has never recovered.
