February 17: International Gay, Lesbian, Transexual and Bisexual (GATTICA) Day.
- 28 BC - Jesus informs his disciples that he's gay. They all laugh at his little joke and proceed to gangbang Mary Magdelene.
- 29 BC - Mary Magdeline is found in a dark room with lipstick all over her face, abusing herself in a mirror.
- 2001 - HAL 9000, a homophobic computer, attempts to kill two gay dudes on a spaceship. Hilarity ensues.
- 2004 - People named Gaylord are rapidly asked if they have ever watched the television show "Gaylords say no". Most say no.
- 2006 - You finally forget about your miserable Valentine's Day, only to be tormented by this reminder.
- 2008 - USA bombs some country because one of its citizens made some USA guy get STDS.
- 2009 - Rabbit ears are officially obsolete in America. By law, lagomorphs across the nation must upgrade to sonar.
- 2009 - John Prescott is violently molested by a fanatical Pavarotti obsessive
- 2009 - John Prescott is discovered at the corner of downing street in a corset and fish-net tights attempting to whore himself out to passing single parents. He is quickly put back on tranquilisers, ceasing all higher brain functions and allowing normal command of the country to resume
- 2019 - Denmark is officially recognised as a mistake and erased from history
- 2040 - all world languages are revoked and replaced with American, a language consisting soley of words with one syllable or less
- 3010 - Iraq War resolved to the saisfaction of all thanks to the complete absence of Iraq.