Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Fed Acker Huang

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from Fed Acker Huang)
Jump to: navigation, search
Immortal Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang

FedAckerHuang.jpg
The Immortal Emperor in a more "carefree" pose.

Publisher WJU Saga
First appearance Time immemorial
Created by Churchill Society, Wheeling
Statistics
Real name Fed Acker Huang
Status Deceased
Affiliations None
Previous affiliations Society of Jesus, League of Evil, Doctors of the Church
Notable aliases Father Timothy J. Acker, Huang Jiang the Pitiless
Notable relatives Unknown
Notable powers Grandmaster of psionic abilities; mild prophetic powers
Part of a series of articles on
Christianity
I am the Good Shepherd...

God
Jesus
Evil Jesus
Satan
The Apostles
Heaven and/or Hell
Great Schism
The Crusades
Reformation

The Trinity
The Father
The Son (Jesus Christ)
The Holy Spirit

The Bible
Old Testament
New Testament
Apocrypha
The Gospels
Ten Commandments

Christian theology
Fall of Man · Grace
Salvation · Justification
Christian worship
Mortal Sin

Christian Church
Roman Catholicism
The Pope
Eastern Orthodoxy
Protestantism Christian erudition
Christian denominations
Christian movements
Christian ecumenism
Christian scholastica
Christian discourses

Important Figures
Apostle Paul
Augustine · Aquinas
Wycliffe · Luther
Calvin · Trammell
· Carver

Immortal Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang has walked the Earth for as long as mankind has existed. No one is sure where he came from or how long he has lived amongst humans, but earliest records date back to at least 400 B.C. Among Immortal beings, Fed Acker Huang remains as one of the most unpopular ones, in spite of the fact that he was recognised as a Doctor of the Church in 1205. During his senior year of high school, Fed Acker Huang was voted as "most likely to be stood before a firing squad". To date, Fed Acker Huang has stood before seven firing squads, and counting.

Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang is perhaps best known for founding the Society of Jesus, or the Jesuits, in 62 A.D. Fed Acker Huang felt bad about trumping up charges against a man named Jesus, resulting in the latter's execution, and so he founded the Jesuits for tax purposes. In his later work, "The Great Acker Rewriting of History Due to The Advent of the 21st Century", he would attribute the founding of the Society of Jesus to a man named Ignatius, a Spanish patsy.

Fed Acker Huang is also intimately linked with the history of Wheeling Jesuit University, which he founded in 76 A.D. to serve as a penal colony. For more information about the founding of WJU, please see Wheeling Jesuit University.

Early Life[edit]

Very little is known about Fed Acker Huang's early life - the few records of his early life that existed were largely destroyed in 1683 as the forces of Dschinghis Khan led a successful siege against Wheeling Jesuit University. While nothing has yet been found regarding his parentage, a few surviving records show that he did fared quite badly in school, doing especially poorly in math, science, and history. One report card discovered in a dig in Ethiopia reads:

Cquote1.png Huang is a disruptive influence in history class. He seems derive pleasure from telling his classmates that history cannot be proven and is only a figment of our imagination. If this bad behaviour does not stop, the school will have no choice but to beat him to death (enclosed is a parental consent form concerning this disciplinary action). Cquote2.png

Scholars widely agree that Fed Acker Huang probably never sought to pursue higher education. Eventually, he utilised his immortality and followed a military route for a number of years, quickly rising in the ranks of the Roman army. An impressive number of victories gave Fed Acker Huang a high standing in the eyes of Roman generals, giving him the leverage he needed to found Wheeling Jesuit University, then named Wheeling College.

The Wheeling College Years[edit]

The Domus Aurea was soon replaced with the Acker Science Center, named so in spite of Fed Acker Huang not knowing why the moon follows him at night or where babies come from.

Given that Wheeling College was Fed Acker Huang's first true responsibility in terms of running a colony, it comes as no surprise to learn that it was very haphazardly run, allowing the slaves kept within many opportunities to rebel and/or to escape. Fed Acker Huang often employed harsh methods of dealing with dissidents, including sending them to work in gulags or burying them alive in catacombs (what is now Campion/McHugh). Although the penal colony lasted for more than 1,000 years, it was easily taken over when the Dschinghis Khan proctectorate swept through West Virginia under the iron fist of Robert C. Byrd. Humiliated, Fed Acker Huang was forced to retreat to his "bitchin'" summer home while the procterate seized control of Wheeling College. In exchange for his life, Robert C. Byrd exiled Fed Acker Huang for 300 years.

Exile[edit]

It was during his long exile that Fed Acker Huang felt that he had lost touch with his roots. He gathered his immortal brethren and studied the ancient arts of Bureaucratese and Negative Administration. Determined to correct the mistakes of the past, Fed Acker Huang spent much of his time in exile meditating atop the Blue Ridge mountains, where he carefully studied and observed the creatures of The Valley as they went to and from their business. After many long years of spiritual and mental training, Fed Acker Huang's bladder had reached critical mass. One toilet break later, he was poised and ready to return.

The Return[edit]

Fed Acker Huang in the aftermath of yet another failed student rebellion.

In the span of 300 years, the Dschinghis Khan proctectorate had developed Wheeling College into an institute of higher learning that had an incredible reputation for high academic standards. Enraged to see what his creation had become, Fed Acker Huang declared war on the Dschinghis Khan proctectorate in 1983. After an epic battle, Fed Acker Huang assumed control of the college and renamed it "Wheeling Jesuit University", after the group he had founded thousands of years ago. He embarked on a massive undertaking to rewrite history to make him look better, changing the date of the founding of the college from 76 A.D. to 1954 in order to nullify the changes made by the Dschinghis Khan proctectorate.

Taking their cue from the 1968 Paris revolt of university students, a massive student uprising took place the next year, headed by a new coalition that was known as the "People's Peaceful Revolutionary Peasants', Soldiers', and Seamens' Party for a happy fun time and to get rid of that jerk-face Fed Acker Huang", or Residence Life for short. Fed Acker Huang crushed this uprising and forced the students to undertake massive construction projects, such as Ignatius Hall and "Codename:ASC", or the Acker Science Center. Having successfully "unified" the elements on Wheeling Jesuit University, Fed Acker Huang lay down for a nap in a begonia patch, where he was assassinated by a member of the International Student Terror Cell. His body was chopped up into dozens of little pieces and tossed into Big Wheeling Creek.

Lundius Superbus attempted to bring Fed Acker Huang back to life in 2005 during the Infinity Saga, but he was stopped with the intervention of Very Rev. Kevin Quirk and the Council of Light.

As of now, it is generally accepted that Fed Acker Huang is not dead. It is likely that his sentience is awaiting regeneration, which will in turn allow him to will himself into being.

Powers[edit]

Fed Acker Huang is considered to be a grandmaster of psionic abilities, able to bend and meld the wills of those around him with ease. He is a powerful telekenetic, able to lift objects with the power of his mind, and even able to split the ground by pure force of will. Due to his psychic strength, he is able to resist external mental attacks and can even stop himself from feeling pain. He also has mild prophetic powers, able to catch glimpses of the future in parallel dimensions.

Preceded by:
Father Raculad
President of WJU
1983 - 2001
Succeeded by:
Lundius Superbus