Federation of Nations that hate Britain

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Normans Go Home
The Federation of Nations that Hate Britain
FNTHB
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Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Go On Home British Soldiers"
Anthem: ""Fuck The Queen", by William Wallace [1]
FNTHB.JPG
Capital Baghdad
Largest city Dublin
Official language(s) Bad English
Government Coalition Government
Leader of the FNTHB Kim Jong-Ill
‑ President Gerry Adams
National Hero(es) William Wallace
Declaration
 of Independence
Whenever Britain decided to piss the world off (c 1098)
Currency Euro-dollars, burned sterling and fucking useless Yen
Religion "not fucking protestant anyway!"

“I'm sure the Federation of Nations that hate Britain, and fish can co-exist quite peacefully.”

~ Great Britain on FNTHB

The Federation of Nations that Hate Britain is an international terrorist organisation businessman's club, which operates out of one of four bases: Baghdad, Dublin, Washington DC, and Gotham City. The main aim of the organisation is to defeat the British in every possible way, from war (see: Iraq) to the Bi-Annual National Ping Pong Championships, held in Togo. While the FNTHB war efforts appear to have yielded success, the same cannot be said for the Ping Pong Championships. To date, the FNTHB have never won at ping pong. In a statement released an hour ago, the FNTBH leader, Gerry Adams announced that the organisation intends to "stay the course" and believes their troops will defeat the evil British ping pongers by the end of the year. It also seeks to provide freedom for those countries currently occupied by Britain: Ireland, Mallorca, Iraq, Afghanistan, Isle of Man, Sweden and Gondor, as well as those that used to be occupied by Britain (i.e.: just about every country ever.)

History[edit]

The leaders of the Federation Of Nations That Hate Britain at a recent press conference.

The FNTHB, originally the Federation of Nations that Hate England (FNTHE), originated somewhere in Scotland about the year 0001 when some tranny head of England decided to invade Scotland. This pissed the Scots off no end. Then the English banned alcohol consumption. This really pissed the Scots off. In an act of peaceful protest, the Irish showed their support for Scotland by going on a thirst strike. Roughly one million Irish people died of sobriety. Scotland and Ireland then established the FNTHE, and set about recruiting other countries sympathetic to their plight. Scotland, however, lost the fight and was pawned by the combined might of England, Wales and Cornwall, causing the foundation of Britain, and a new league to be born; the FNTHB. And so, history was born. However, according to some sources (namely the reputable Daily Mirror), the FNTHB tried to secure a weapons deal with the USA in 2004. Naturally, America was reluctant to hand over its weapons to the FNTHB. Drunken, potato-eating Irishmen with WMDs is generally considered to be a bad idea. Still bitter about the whole experience, Ireland has since joined the Federation of Nations that Hate both Britain and the USA (FNTHBBATUSA).

In 2006, Ireland passed the Presidency over to Iran. "We wish them luck in their quest to beat Britain at Rugby in 2007" said the former Irish Presedent of the FNTHB. A source (believed to be a time travelling Marty McFly) came forth, indicating that Iran would indeed win the match, and that we should bet all our money on them. When the match was lost, it emerged that Marty was indeed a spy working for the Anti-FNTHB. He was later captured, and tortured to death.

As a result the FNTHB has become much more secretive in recent times. In a particularly covert operation, the organisation intends on kidnapping Tony Blair, pulling down his briefs, and laughing uproarously at his diminutive penis. While he is in a state of embarrasment, they will demand their aims be met within a week. He may be tortured by tickling and poking if the demands are not met. However, this plan is top secret, so we really shouldn't be telling anyone. In fact, just forget everything you just read.

Thanks.

Joining the FNTHB[edit]

Join now for your FREE "I Hate Britain" hat

Membership is free (once you pass the hazing rituals). When you join, you are given an exclusive FNTHB membership card, and a customized "I hate Britain" hat. There are, however, minimum entry requirements. For example, you must be able to swing a sack of doorknobs.

Members must supply their own:

a) money
b) bombs (and lots of ‘em)
c) knobs.

On top of this, a country must participate in the Eurovision song contest and not vote for Britain three times, in order to join. Ireland choose to waive this requirement, and simply bomb London.

Known member states[edit]

There are a number of active member states, but no-one is quite sure of the number. The number is believed to be 24, but since Leonard Cohen banished the use of that number to Tartarus, everyone is a bit confused, really. Except me. Other member states don't count as proper countries, like the Vatican. Since 2001 a large number of Arab states have joined the FNTHB for reasons only a blind monkey on crack would fail to notice (see Iraq).

Prospective Member States[edit]

Off the Coast of Africa: Completely illiterate but they're trying God bless them.
  • Somalia (unconfirmed member)
  • The Vatican (Will join, however, needs permission from the *Jesii Union).
  • The Vatican't (Wants to join, but can't, or the Jesii will smite them)
  • Jesusland (Can't join because of a Jesii Union dispute)
  • Switzerland (Swiss franc stronger than the British pound and not in the E.U.)

Non-Member States[edit]

  • Britain (Odd, being the self-deprecating nation it is)
  • Australia (Standing beside their Queen)
  • Poland (At least someone cared in 1939, only out of pity like)
  • Belgium (At least someone cared in 1914)
  • Greece (joined to help Britain against Irish actors portraying Greek heroes with Irish accents)

Footnotes[edit]

  1. The National Anthem of the FNTHB is Fuck the Queen by Cuban revolutionary William Wallace. Like all good anthems, no-body actually knows any of the words. However, the general subject matter is believed to be belong the lines of: “Prince Charles does the Queen up the arse la la la la," etc.

External links[edit]