Federation of Nations that hate Britain
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| Motto: "Go Back to Britain" | |||||
| Anthem: ""Fuck The Queen", by William Wallace [1] | |||||
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| Capital | Baghdad | ||||
| Largest city | Dublin | ||||
| Official languages | Bad English | ||||
| Government | Coalition Government | ||||
| Leader of the FNTHB | Kim Jong-Ill | ||||
| President | Gerry Adams | ||||
| National Hero(es) | |||||
| Declaration of Independence | Whenever Britain decided to piss the world off (c 1098) | ||||
| Currency | Euro-dollars, burned sterling and fucking useless Yen | ||||
| Religion | |||||
“I'm sure the Federation of Nations that hate Britain, and fish can co-exist quite peacefully.”
~ Great Britain on FNTHB
The Federation of Nations that Hate Britain is an international terrorist organisation businessman's club, which operates out of one of four bases: Baghdad, Dublin, Washington DC, and Gotham City. The main aim of the organisation is to defeat the British in every possible way, from war (see: Iraq) to the Bi-Annual National Ping Pong Championships, held in Togo. While the FNTHB war efforts appear to have yielded success, the same cannot be said for the Ping Pong Championships. To date, the FNTHB have never won at ping pong. In a statement released an hour ago, the FNTBH leader, Gerry Adams announced that the organisation intends to "stay the course" and believes their troops will defeat the evil British ping pongers by the end of the year. It also seeks to provide freedom for those countries currently occupied by Britain: Ireland, Scotland, Mallorca, Iraq, Afghanistan, Isle of Man, Sweden and Gondor, as well as those that used to be occupied by Britain ie: just about every country ever.
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[edit] History
The FNTHB originated somewhere in Britain (or maybe Equador) about the year 0001 when some tranny head of England decided to invade Scotland. This pissed the Scots off no end. Then the English banned alcohol consumption. This really pissed the Scots off. In an act of peaceful protest, the Irish showed their support for Scotland by going on a thirst strike. Roughly one million Irish people died of sobriety. Scotland and Ireland then established the FNTHB, and set about recruiting other countries sympathetic to their plight. And so, history was born. However, according to some sources (namely the reputable Daily Mirror), the FNTHB tried to secure a weapons deal with the USA in 2004. Naturally, America was reluctant to hand over its weapons to the Scottish. Drunken Scotsmen with WMDs is generally considered to be a bad idea. Still bitter about the whole experience, Scotland has since joined the Federation of Nations that Hate both Britain and the USA (FNTHBBATUSA).
In 2006, Ireland passed the Presidency over to Iran. "We wish them luck in their quest to beat Britain at Rugby in 2007" said the former Irish Presedent of the FNTHB. A source (believed to be a time travelling Marty McFly) came forth, indicating that Iran would indeed win the match, and that we should bet all our money on them. When the match was lost, it emerged that Marty was indeed a spy working for the Anti-FNTHB. He was later captured, and tortured to death.
As a result the FNTHB has become much more secretive in recent times. In a particularly covert operation, the organisation intends on kidnapping Tony Blair, pulling down his briefs, and laughing uproarously at his diminutive penis. While he is in a state of embarrasment, they will demand their aims be met within a week. He may be tortured by tickling and poking if the demands are not met. However, this plan is top secret, so we really shouldn't be telling anyone. In fact, just forget everything you just read.
Thanks.
[edit] Joining the FNTHB
Membership is free (once you pass the hazing rituals). When you join, you are given an exclusive FNTHB membership card, and a customized "I hate Britain" hat. There are, however, minimum entry requirements. For example, you must be able to swing a sack of doorknobs.
Members must supply their own:
- a) money
- b) bombs (and lots of ‘em)
- c) knobs.
On top of this, a country must participate in the Eurovision song contest and not vote for Britain three times, in order to join. Some countries choose to waive this requirement, and simply bomb London.
[edit] Known member states
There are a number of active member states, but no-one is quite sure of the number. The number is believed to be 24, but since Leonard Cohen banned anyone from using that number, everyone is a bit confused, really. Except me. Other member states don't count as proper countries, like the Vatican. Since 2001 a large number of Arab states have joined the FNTHB for reasons only a blind monkey on crack would fail to notice (see Iraq).
- Britain (yes, it's true)
- Ireland (since 1069)
- France (since 1100)
- Argentina (since 1980)
- Libya (since 1970)
- China (since they became cool in 2000)
- Japan (joined so China wouldn't feel left out)
- Iraq (since 1990, for obvious reasons)
- Lebanon (since 2006, same reason as above)
- Afganistan (since 2001, " " " ")
- Canada (joined to piss off the USA)
- Iran (since they got the nukes)
- North Korea (*Kim Jong-Ill said so)
- South Korea (to stop Kim Jong III feering ronery)
- Sweden (thought they'd join for a laugh, has since regretted it)
- USA (member since Tony Blair called George Bush a faggot)
- Germany (Our schnitzel will blot out the sun!)
- Saudi Arabia (oil)
- Outer Heaven (Joined a couple of seconds ago.)
- Stupid British People (wandered into the wrong building and have not left since.)
- Iceland since Oktober 2008
- Westboro Baptist Church
[edit] Prospective Member States
- Somalia (unconfirmed member)
- The Vatican (Will join, however, needs permission from the *Jesii Union).
- The Vatican't (Wants to join, but can't, or the Jesii will smite them)
- Jesusland (Can't join because of a Jesii Union dispute)
[edit] Non-Member States
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ The National Anthem of the FNTHB is Fuck the Queen by Cuban revolutionary William Wallace. Like all good anthems, no-body actually knows any of the words. However, the general subject matter is believed to be belong the lines of: “Prince Charles does the Queen up the arse la la la la," etc.
[edit] External links
