Feering

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The location of Feering before it was removed from the material world
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Feering.

“Its the ghetto!”

~ The King of Rap a.k.a The Juggernaught a.k.a Lakin on Feering

“Feering is a place I have never been and never care to go.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Feering


Feering is... for the most part of England!! and in so being has an undeserved sense of dignity.

Feering was built on a nuclear waste ridden Indian burial ground, God was running out of places to make new villages and he needed somewhere to dump the infested brain eating race created by Docter Conners Aka The Lizard, who managed to escape from the Marvel universe in around 1189 roughly during the period when Richard the Lionheart was crowned king of the English. Nobody knew exactly how this happened but the Ghostbusters were speculated to have been involved.

Feering was thus created and it seemed that all was well and good but the Lizardmen were not entirely happy with the Village, being that Feering was close to the oldest recorded English town Colchester it seemed only right that the Lizardmen reside there. During this time there is much speculation as to what happened next. And god will not enlighten us.

“Thats Buddha's job.”

~ God on Buddha

It was quite a while until the race known as Humans finally settled in Feering. They took over the main areas naming them:

  • The Parkorama (later to be changed to just Park)
  • Ol' Town (Place where nobody goes)
  • Heaven (later to become The Rest)

At this point Feering closed its borders and with help from The Haitian everyone outside of Feering forgot of its existence.

The next contact made with Feering was on account of an incursion into Essex aerospace by the now famed Admiral Ackbar; he was reluctant, however, constantly stating Its a TWAP!. What he discovered there was disturbing... highly disturbing. What he discoverd was what the hell Sylar does with people's brains (which he has yet to reveal to the rest of the world). He then realised that Heroes was not to be heired for ages in England so decided to never reveal it to anybody on account of being one of those jerks who give out all the spoilers. Admiral Ackbar then settled in feering where he promptly began hoarding and profitering, he thought he'd get there before the Jews.

Dillons[edit]

Feering's first inhabbitent "The Lizard"

One Stop is a convienience store on the Border of Kelvedon Feering. Like the gates between heaven and hell it is where two cultures meet. As the life of the general inhabitants of Feering is so terrible and that they have natural hate of seafood, One Stop is the most popular meeting place for the serfs of the village to meet. Usually a panic ensues if One Stop is closed. Such an event happened in recent history when One Stop closed for refurbishment with a sign stating "sorry for any inconvenience" when the new sign says "Convenience Store." This contradiction created a paradox in the space-time continuem which temperaly destroyed the universe but God was able to re-create the universe as if nothing happend. Thanks God, Thod. You would think that people would remember the universe ending but what with God being omnipotent and all he managed to completely halt time during the closing time of one stop. (Some people theorise that God actually has no powers and just nicked Bernard's watch) Then God created an alternate memory for the "time" during One Stop's closure so nobody would notice (So keep it on the low, yeah) this resulted in some minor changes for example the new interior of one stop! Time magazine asks how??

Despite popular belief One Stop is not a hermaphrodite.

The River[edit]

A particularly beautiful part of the river running through Feering.

“Down by the river, down by the river! ”

~ The Chuck Finn theme tune on "The River"

The River Blackwater runs along side Feering and is a popular meeting place for people who have boating-related urges.

Colour and "The Trial"[edit]

Being named the Blackwater many plebians actually believed the Blackwater to be black in colour. In 2002 the glass test was carried out to prove once and for all, some water was collected for the river and put in a glass to see the true colour... it turned out to be red.

During the 1990s many black people felt that they had new power and would sue everything that they could. This resulted in one angry African attempting to sue the river on account of its name being "racist", political correctness gone mad. Anyway he won and the river had to be renamed, it was called Martin Luther King Jr. in tribute to the fireplace origionally called that.

The F-unit[edit]

The F unit is a terrorist organisation set up by 7 men who felt it was right to keep Feering for the people of Feering. Main policies include being ready to condemn people from surrounding areas such as Earls Colne, Halstead, and Colchester as being vajayjays. Although there are many (one) people (person) who has tried to claim ('get amongst') responsibility for several of the F-unit actions there are always tell tale signs of true F-unit activity. For example sick and beer cans. Much like the gay guy from Twilight, the F-unit stalk the streets at night looking for something that can be detroyed in a raging fit of petty vandalism. Many of them have their weaknesses such as weekend alchoholism, Blink 182 and a rare disease called 'being gordy'.

“We are in no position to challenge these terroists”

~ Barack Obama on America's army against F-unit

“Probably the most fearsome group of fighters I've ever seen”

~ Graham Norton on the frontlines
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