Fetish
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Unfortunately, Christians and other God-botherers feed the fetishists' delusions by angrily denouncing them. This is a vicious cycle — the Christians reinforce their delusion that idiots playing silly games are causing the decay of society, and the fetishists reinforce their opinion that someone finds their tiresome antics fascinating.
"I like to watch the chocolate melting of maltesers on redtube" - Old Greg
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[edit] History of Fetishism
The first fetishists appear at the dawn of man. Early societies divided into hunter-gatherers , fish-fryers , child-bearers and fetishists. So like prostitution and religion - the weird ones were already with us.
[edit] Tell Me More Please ?
Until Sigmund Freud and the other Jung ones - fetishists were believed to be satanists or delusionists. However Freud and others quickly blamed childhood as the root cause of people that liked to suck gloves, wear self torturing equipment and generally make themselves a nuisiance to the Vanilla Society.
[edit] Sonic the Hedgehog
Had to work that one in somewhere. I am pretty sure their fetishists who dress up as these normally inoffensive insectivores and scream 'Oscar Wilde' at the top of their squeaky voices.
[edit] Special Fetishes
Among psychologists, the foot fetish is widely renowned for being the only fetish that is not prone to revulsion, hissy fits, delusions of a fetish-oriented "community", and endless bickering. This saves a lot of time on the psychologists' schedules. Foot fanatics are also known as paedratics which means they shouldn't be left alone with children.
Fetishism is said to be on the rise as humans increasingly get involved into kinky sex after a regular exposure to internet sites promoting it. Also those who are of a particular religious persuasion have been known to harbour some very peculiar ways of expressing their inner Perv.
[edit] Cyanide Pill
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[edit] Handy Tips for dealing with a Fetishist
If approached by a fetishist, the following precautions should be observed:
- Do not allow the conversation to turn to matters of sex. Normally conversations about sex can be quite interesting, but if you start talking this way with a fetishist, you'll wish you'd just kept talking about the weather. Since you can't identify a fetishist without talking about sex you're pretty much fucked anyhow. Maybe you should just destroy your genitals as a precaution.
- Don't let the conversation turn to Star Trek unless you yourself are a Trekkie. Trust me on this.
- Be careful of offers of sexual contact, even if you're hard up. Think to yourself: "Is this person so attractive that he/she would be worth wearing a blindfold, a latex kilt and knee clamps?" You'll be surprised how often the answer is "No."
- If the fetishist is also a Christian, avoid him or her at all costs. Christian fetishists are rather like self-winding watches, only in stereo, and are capable of boring you on two subjects simultaneously for hours on end.
- Even more worrying than this is the fetishist who is "not religious, but spiritual." If you find yourself in a conversation with someone like this, take the suicide pill provided for your convenience at the bottom of this document.
- DO NOT vigorously rub any part of your body. Or theirs. Or anybody's. Ever.
- Remember that sex is not about personal preference or new experiences. Sex is about scoring with chicks and bragging about it later. A fetish experience does not count as sex and time spent indulging in the fetish can be better used scoring with more chicks. In and out, nothing fancy.
[edit] List of Known Fetishes
- Aliens
- Automobiles
- Anything that was once part of an animal's exterior
- Anything that comes out of the body of an animal
- Beastiality
- Bondage
- BBW
- BMW
- Cosplay
- Coldplay
- Daily Mail
- Dropping the soap
- Feet
- Forrest Gump
- Furries
- Glasses
- Hello Kitty
- Insurance Policy
- Kittens (but only the very softest of kittens)
- Kitten calendars
- Maltesers (now you're talking dirty)
- Microsoft Windows
- Panties
- People bending over to tie their shoe laces
- Ranma 1/2
- Scatology
- Socks
- Stomp
- Teletubies
- The Daily Show
- Tickling
- Toes
- Urine
- Video Professor infomercials
- Vore
- Whale Penis
- Shamwow
Vincent Wild and Mark Timko often involve themselves in a somewhat nerdy battlestar glactica type fetish in which they dress up as their famous characters and perform somewhat intruiging sexual rituals. It is the ODDEST thing you could ever see. ^-^
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| Sexual Fetishes, Paraphilias, and Assorted Perversions | |
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Assorted fetii
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