“Look, all I'm saying is if all I could use Fetus Power then I'd be pissed off too”
Over many years, many superheroes come and go, but one has remained. Or rather his legend has. Sure you have your Batman, and your Superman, and even The Justice League of Jesus, but we would gladly toss it all away into the gutter, like so many used syringes, to hear but for a short while, the legend on Fetus Man, the missing action hero.
The Early Life
Many people have speculated as to Fetus Man's early life. Many experts have theorized that Fetus Man had a normal childhood. They believe that he had many of the experiences you would expect in a normal up-bringing. Some, however, have a different opinion. Their main source is the famous Fetus-Leno interview of 1953. In this interview, Fetus Man broke his silence for one night. In a phone conversation with Jay Leno (the host of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno which airs on NBC at 11.35E/10.35CPM weeknights), Fetus Man revealed that he was born Johnathan Smith. He was not the size of a fetus, rather, he was the size of a regular child, and he only had super fetus strength.
The Hero Years
From the early 70's to the late 90's, Fetus Man played a huge part in ordinary people's lives. These were his most active years as a hero, when he would save innocent people from life's various perils: cats in trees, horrible car wrecks, fascist dictators, and even vegetables. None were too great for Fetus Man.
Fetus Man's main weapon was his Super Elastic Umbilical Cord of Justice, or S.E.U.C.O.J. for short. He would use it as a whip, kind of like Indiana Jones. Except Fetus Man's whip could heal broken souls and ressurecct monuments. Take that, Indiana Jones. (Fetus Man's whip was of course, used for good.)
In July of 2001 Fetus Man vanished from the skies, streets and maternity wards for good. No one knows what happened to him. Many say that it was to do with the Superhero cutbacks of 1990, and many say he got cancer.
The truth is quite different. Honestly, he got fed up with being in the limelight and moved to Africa, for the rest of his life, and never to return again. Basically.
It has been suggested that Fetus Man has been sighted recently flying over Phoenix Arizona, crime rates have shot up, but then down and Fetus Man told us that he was there. Still many people are speculative about his actual whereabouts.
We are pretty sure he's in Phoenix, though.
- Fetus Man moves so fast, no picture can be taken of him.
- Fetus Man cannot spray amniotic fluid at supervillains.
- Fetus Man will return... again.
- Just because he was lumped with a dumb superpower doesn't mean he's queer.