Fig Newton

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Sir Isaac Newton: Scientist and mathematician. Fruit and cake.

Fig Newtons are the brainchildren of Isaac Newton and Sir Francis Figero (of the 12th century). Sadly, Newton was convinced that the cookie was worthless and sold the patent and full rights to his name to the Floor Sweepin's Bakin' Company of Gobbler's Knob, PA.

It is not known whether a fig newton is just a cookie or actually an amalgam of newt and cake. The former tends to be seen as more plausible. However, considering the way the world is today, anything is possible. They are chewy, due to old people touching them a lot, yet gritty possibly because when they are harvested by spider monkeys dirt from there feet get in the mix.

The weight of a fig newton at one metre (roughly 3 feet) above sea level has been ascertained to be exactly one millinewton, with a margin of error of plus or minus two crumbs. Thus, the weight of 1,000 fig newtons is Newton.

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