“Why drink mountain spring water when there's FIGI?!?!”
“Stupid Americans, you pay us for something that's free!”
“How the fuck can water be artisan?”
Figi is a water bottling corporation that claims its water is better than any other brand, due to the fact that its water comes from a fictional make-believe land known as Figi (aka Figi Island, Islands of Figi, Figi Land, China). The truth about this evil company is actually far more complex than anyone could've imagined.
A long time ago in 2000, during a mishap in a Fijian island laboratory, water was exposed to sugar, spice and everything nice. But a secret ingredient was accidentally added by a drunk Austronesian man named Tito. It was cocaine. Now every stupid American drinks the water and gets addicted to the cocaine in it. Everyone believes that water from some shitty island is good when in reality its just made good from cocaine.
Figi water is actually made from three ingredients: Dirt, DNA of Kitten, and Sewer Water. When combined, these ingredients created an incredible substance; today that substance is known as Figi. The liquid itself is too powerful to be sold in stores, and for that reason the company was put out of business. Since then, Figi has become rare as gold, and just one bottle can cost from three thousand dollars to ten thousand. To this day, nobody is sure of what it does.
Fiji is also the substance that keeps pop stars like Britney Spears looking hot. Britney Spears herself was caught in 2005 for secretly smuggling Fiji water from Bill Gates's vault. Figi is also believed to be the substance that keeps people like Bill Gates as rich as they are today.
The above definition for "The Water" is for those dumbasses that live in the caucasian world. But then again, Fiji Islands is a tiny dot in the South Pacific. They not only produce Fiji Water [expensive stuff], but they also produce the best rugby players in the world. And have awesome beaches. And people that constntly say "trusup", "oso", "weleii" and "uro levu"
Eh........What about that Golfer, or that fella that plays Hurling.Most famous to the pedofile jope