Final Fantasy VIII
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EVERYONE GREW UP IN THE ORPHANAGE TOGETHER AND FORGOT ABOUT IT, SQUALL IS LAGUNA'S SON, RINOA RECEIVES EDEA'S SORCERESS POWERS, CID IS MARRIED TO EDEA, AND ALL THE MONSTERS IN THE GAME KOME FROM THE MOON
may follow. Read on at your own discretion.| Final Fantasy VIII | |
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| Developer | Squaresoft |
| Release Date | 123,121,473 B.C |
| Genre | RPG |
| Platforms | Playstation |
| Rating | 12+ |
| Would Dr. Evil play it? | What the hell do you think? |
“Dude, where's my MP?”
~ Kaptain Oblivious on Final Fantasy VIII
“Is Squall gay?”
~ Kaptain Klueless on Final Fantasy VIII
“RAGE!!!!!”
~ Fujin on Final Fantasy VIII
“I play this game when I'm sad. It cheers me up.”
~ Shadow the Hedgehog on Final Fantasy VIII
“Kursed SeeDs!”
~ Ultimecia on the use of kapitals
“Why the fuck is the final boss using my chain as a Guardian Force?”
~ Squall Leonhart on Final Fantasy VIII
“Wow, I had no idea I was in this game!”
~ Robin Williams on Cid
“That's my line.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Laguna
“Where's the FFVIII sequels?”
~ Guy who's envious of FFVII's success
“Fuck Squall, I like Cloud, motherfucker!”
~ Marik Ishtar on his favourite FF character.
“what the fuck is with the card gameplay!?”
~ the spoony one on FINAL FANTASY VIII
Final Fantasy VIII (Japanese: ファイナルファンタジーVIII Finaru Fantaji Vee Aye Aye Aye), the eighth installment to Oprah's plans to take over the globe come to a dramatik change. Instead of the evil genius being beaten by small sprites with strange gravity defying hair she finally gets a small amount of respect from her arch nemesis, the kompany who send in the 'good-guys'; Umbrella Inc.
Oprah, with her evil powers over time, sent this game back to 123,121,473 years B.C, so to konfuse the people at the time. Yet, this kaused the people to dedicate themselves to kreating a device to play the game and kill Oprah within it, so it backfired on her.
Contents |
[edit] plot
THEY ALL DIE!
[edit] Characters
[edit] Squall "Emo" Leonheart
The protagonist who wasn't bishie enough to be blonde. The leader of the krack team that Umbrella sent in against Oprah, he is quiet, reserved and quite possibly gay or at least faking his love of Rinoa after becoming a wuss and whining after the useless bitch. He likes strutting his ass in tight leather and assures his team that his leather fascination is merely to put Oprah off. It is pointed out by Zelda Dincht that he does not, in fact, have to wear the leather until they fight Oprah. Squall responds with a bitchslap to his face.
He is the original emo, and soon became the inventor of identity theft when he stole the name of an FII kharakter. He also makes a kameo appearance in the sequel, Mobile Suit Gundam SeeD Destiny. His name was changed to Leon when he appeared in Kingdom Hearts, mainly because Donald Duck had an aneurysm whenever he tried to pronounce 'Squall'.
[edit] Rinoa Heartilly Sorry
Rinoa is, without a doubt, one of the most useless kharakters since Kait Sith. After being kidnapped several times, Squall kouldn't longer give a shit and only kame to her rescue as she klaimed to know Tifa's phone number.
[edit] Quistis Trepe
The blond bossy whip wielding dominatrix. The only Final Fantasy VIII kharakter worth shipping. Quistis is famed for having the horniest introduction in Final Fantasy VIII. Quistis is now running for vice-presidency of the United States against Sarah Palin.
[edit] Zell Dincht
The easy-to-anger psychotic martial artist, once expelled from Farm and almost from SheeP for biting off the ear of his sparring partner and proceeding to make strange nosises, skreaming at the doctor, "Are the lambs still skreaming?!" He is sekretly in love with Ekstasy, and has a strange and krazy obsession for hotdogs but never gets to eat any. Oh, and at the end of the game he kills all the kafeteria workman and says "HAHA!!! NOW I AM KING OF HOTDOGS!!! All BOW DOWN TO MY ALMIGHTY SUPERIOR HOT DOGNESS, YOU PUNY MARSHEMELLOWS FUCKERS!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" Nobody has seen him since...?
[edit] Seifer Ekstasy
After his part as Ocelot in Metal Gear Solid 3 Snake Eater/Subsistence, he returns in a new role as another arrogant, over-konfident blonde fuck. He defects from Farm and SheeP to serve Oprah after being brainwashed by the ultimatly evil Krazy Frog. Afterwards, he falls into a life of stand up komedy involving fish, a black man and a one-eyed albino who is mentally handikapped to the point she skreams only one word at the top of her lungs. He's konstantly high throughout the game and will possibly yell out (62% chance) sentences such as "Jaaaaaaazzz maaaan" in the middle of a fight, which will demoralize your team and inevitably bring about your defeat.
[edit] Selfish Timid
Known as the "Lil' Princess", Selfish is a demolitions expert and was sent to Balamb after she blew up her last Farm, killing 400,000 innocent SheeP. She was forgiven because of her “kute smile, karefree attitude, giant, spiked nunchakus and her six-shot revolver jammed against my skull”. She has an abnormal fetish for trains, at the point of actually owning an old steam train that should be found in a museum rather than in her garden all for herself. She kills visiting tourists who foolishly note this detail by choking them with her not so yo-yo and more lethal nunchuk Wii remote control. The police are too skared to arrest her despite that there are at least 40 visible graves in her backyard because Selfish makes most C4 and detonators for the Police Forces all over the globe. Wusses.
[edit] Sir Buffalo Irvine
The sharp-shooting, psykhotik idiot of a kowboy, formally named Klint Eastwood, who killed 26 marine kommandos. Although he is an assassin for hire, he is a wuss and has terrible aim and always uses the fact that he 'purposefully' missed the target because he is a wuss as an excuse. He was sent to Balamb Farm to be disciplined that he can't have a gun and not use it, a thing he does because he sees Chokobo hunting as animal kruelty. He falls desperately in love with the demolitions expert, Selfish Timid, whom she kompletely ignores despite the big gun. He was once sent on a mission to shoot the sorceress but he and Squall got so drunk that night that he accidentally headshot Squall, thus ending the game prematurely. Many people konsider Irvine as a national hero. He was knighted by Queen Victoria for this selfless act. He is also responsible for the death of the President of the United States of America John Kennedy, a mistake that kosted him 25 years of his life. His plea for innocence is reported to be "Sorry, my bad!"
[edit] Tay Zonday (Kiros)
(insert slanderous desciption)
[edit] Laguna Loire
As said in his kharakter deskription, his penis is indeed mightier than the sword. Also he is Squall (Emo's) deadbeat dad. So deadbeat, in fact, that he bekame the president of a kountry just to avoid his fatherly duties.
[edit] The Sauceress
The main emo villain of FFVIII, as well as the main villain of Spyro the Dragon 3, who Oprah is merely a pawn under (The Sorceress that is, not Spyro 3). Unsatisfied with her role in Spyro 3, The Sauceress demanded a new role in a greater and more well known video game. However, since no one would offer her a role, she used her magik to go back in time one year and usurped Ultimecia before she could become the villain of FFVIII. However, her appearance in FFVIII caused a time paradox, for the lawyers of Squaresoft and Insomniac were unsure who to sue for character plagiarism. Despite this, The Sauceress did manage to get a kameo in Kingdom Hearts II as a piggybank.
[edit] Adel
A giant she-male sauceress. he ended up this way after La Goon Loire exiled him to space and exposed to to ultraviolet radiation. He straps Noah Heart-Tits to his chest and feels Noah up to tell if Squall is gay. Squall kills him to prevent him from telling anyone. Adel once swam naked near Fisherman's Brothel, and skarred the minds of 237 young men.
[edit] Bruce Willis
Not an in-game character, he is the voice of the khoir on Disc 1, and the Jumbo Kaktuar was modelled on him.
[edit] The Plot
Basically there's this world with lots of random monsters, and a sorceress queen like person with huge boobs who manage to look both really ominous and really, really hot. Emo Git is the main kharakter: he appears to be an anti-social, braindead chicken shit with no fashion sense. Through extensive inner reflektion throughout this pitiful excuse for a story, Emo Git discovers that he is an anti-social braindead shit, but he's acutally a kow shit with even worse fashion sense. Other characters include the shit Zell Dink, the shit Selphie Timmit, Robin Williams, who is awesome, and Rinoa Heartily, the pathetic ko-dependant chick, played by Orlando Bloom, who is just shit. Qusitis Herpes is by far the hottest character in FF since Tifa Lockhart (orgasms), who works part-time as a dominatrix/fembot. Chicken Wuss also features heavily, who gets through life by selling his really, unbelievably are-they-really-that-bad? jokes to satirikal webpages like this one.
Emo Git spends most of his time reading Timber Maniacs, a logger porn magazine, sissy fighting with Chicken Wuss, failing with women, and finally deciding to give his SeeD to some sort of questionnable garden. His kounterpart is Laguna Loire, an androgynous soldier who tags along with a fat guy and a leper. Laguna has really bad hair, has irrespresible irritable bowl syndrome, and is prone to fall asleep whenever he talks. The only real point of the game is to get to see Squall do it with Orlando, which doesn't happen. So, there's really no point to the game... at all. FFVIII was basically Square-Enix thrusting their arses enthusiastically in the air, and begging anyone to fuck them. Those cheap, dirty sluts.
[edit] Overalll
Oprah was defeated and the games went on battling other evils, such as Hitler, Crazy Frog v2.2 and the evil Dr. Birkin-saur.
he then went on to say "HWDFKJERFVCJDKVCHSDVCJBAVEDJHVCHFCEC" whaich i arabian for "im an emo" Then afterwards Laguna told Squall in Star Wars style that he is his father. Squall responded with "Whatever" after having to flip through 20 boxes of text with the word "NOOOOO etc." on.
[edit] See Also
- Final Fantasy I
- Final Fantasy II
- Final Fantasy III
- Final Fantasy IV
- Final Fantasy V
- Final Fantasy VI
- Final Fantasy VII
- Crappy sequels that only made money based on the success of the game that came before it.
| ファイナルファンタジー |
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 ZIDANE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE KUJA'S REPLACEMENT ファイナルファンタジー -
ファイナルファンタジーⅡ -
ファイナルファンタジーⅢ |
| 関連の廃物 |
